So I thought I would give a short update on how I am doing after my big day on Monday.
I still do not know what they all did because I was so out of it when I came to that I actually do not remember much. I do know that they kept me and extra 4 hours because I was passing out every time I tried to sit up, I also was de-sating ( not getting enough oxygen), so I was on oxygen the entire time. My blood pressure also kept bottoming out, and I was up chucking violently.
I had a pretty bad reaction to whatever the drug was that they used to knock me out, thus the puking. Once I got home around 7:30pm Jeral had to go check on the farm so my sister in law and a friend came over to take care of me. Apparently I was rather cute in my stoned and high state. I was a little mortified that I needed their help to go to the washroom and so on. Basically any time I moved I vomited. Not a pretty sight. However I was blessed to have my friends with me. Their presence was very healing. More on that later once I have formulated more thoughts.
We did drive to Abbotsford yesterday so I could see my counsellor today. That ended up being what I needed to get the message that I need to rest. I am pretty buggered up right now and very tired. Joy said that she did not think I would listen to her if she tried to tell me not to come, and she was right I would not have. So I am learning the hard way. I did promise that I would take the next few days to rest and let my body. I definitely did not expect to be this tired.
I am calling my doctor tomorrow to find out what was all done, so hopefully we will have some answer in the next few days.
As for now I am going to go to sleep. Thanks guys for all your prayers and support. Here is hoping that this worked and in the next few months I'll be pregnant.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Peace instead of Anxiousness
So on Monday September 8th, 2008 I am having surgery. It is day surgery, they are going in and Drilling my Ovaries. Now I am sure this sounds worse than it really is. The surgeon is going to make two incisions and then insert a scope, which will contain a laser that will be used to drill into different areas of my ovaries. Nothing to big. I was told the worst part will probably be the air the gets pumped into my stomach.
However I was also told that if something gets punctured that should not be punctured then they will have to open me up and fix the puncture, and if they see something wrong with my ovaries they may have to go in and remove one or both. I was at first rather anxious about this. However as I have spent time with Jesus, and envisioned my surgery. I have envisioned healing from both minor and major surgery (including my ovaries being removed), and I have come to a place of peace over everything.
I have come to a place of knowing that no matter the outcome Jesus knows what is best and he is not going to mess this up, or mess with me. If all goes as planned then great, and if we get pregnant awesome. If they have to go in and repair a puncture then I guess Jesus wants me to rest a little more and learn to sit still, because I will have to still and rest for a while. If by some chance both ovaries are over taken by cysts and they have to be removed then I will grieve the loss and trust that Jesus only has what is best for me in mind.
So with a peace like that the surgery can only be a success!!!!!!!
However I was also told that if something gets punctured that should not be punctured then they will have to open me up and fix the puncture, and if they see something wrong with my ovaries they may have to go in and remove one or both. I was at first rather anxious about this. However as I have spent time with Jesus, and envisioned my surgery. I have envisioned healing from both minor and major surgery (including my ovaries being removed), and I have come to a place of peace over everything.
I have come to a place of knowing that no matter the outcome Jesus knows what is best and he is not going to mess this up, or mess with me. If all goes as planned then great, and if we get pregnant awesome. If they have to go in and repair a puncture then I guess Jesus wants me to rest a little more and learn to sit still, because I will have to still and rest for a while. If by some chance both ovaries are over taken by cysts and they have to be removed then I will grieve the loss and trust that Jesus only has what is best for me in mind.
So with a peace like that the surgery can only be a success!!!!!!!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Camping In Osoyoos
Sorry we did not take pictures so this is a no picture post. For some reason we do not take tons of pictures all the time. Maybe though it was because of the wind and the fact that is was so cold. Oh well such is life and the way things go.
So we went camping this weekend. Well my kind of camping, with a beach near by and showers and flushing toilets. When we got there I said to Jeral are you glad we came camping, and he piped up and said this is not camping. In his mind we need to be out in the bush with no showers or flushing toilets. However we could be in a motor coach with nothing hooked up and that would be camping. I don't get him some days.
Both Saturday and Sunday Jeral and I went on a 12 km walk into town and back. It was great to get to spend time talking and connecting, and then going back and hanging out with friends. I honestly think Jeral and I talked more on this trip than the last one because we knew that alone time was going to be minimized.
Spending time with Miranda and Darrell and her family was great. I sure do miss hanging out with friends my age sometimes. And yet I am grateful and thankful for all my older and more mature friends. I truly and blessed to have so many friends, and I love you all!!!!!!!!!!
Last night we spent sometime with Grandpa, and my aunty Cindy. We had supper with them. With grandma being gone I feel that it is super important for Jeral and I to spend time with Grandpa, because I want grandpa to know that just because grandma is gone does not mean that he is no longer grandpa. Whether or not I am his biological grand daughter does not matter. He is the only grandpa I have ever know and so nothing changes. So we had a good time with them. Grandpa is hoping that I will be giving him a great grand baby soon. We'll see about that. My sister technically will be giving birth to a great grand baby before me, however I am the only one who makes any effort to visit so yeah enough said.
Now we are home, and boy oh boy am I ever having a tough time with my wireless connection, and this laptop is brand new. I just got it on Thursday. However it is an Acer and that could be the problem. I'll give it a few more days and if it does not get better by Saturday I will take the computer back and get a different Brand. Maybe a Dell? Who knows.
Well that is all for now. Have a great day and take care!
So we went camping this weekend. Well my kind of camping, with a beach near by and showers and flushing toilets. When we got there I said to Jeral are you glad we came camping, and he piped up and said this is not camping. In his mind we need to be out in the bush with no showers or flushing toilets. However we could be in a motor coach with nothing hooked up and that would be camping. I don't get him some days.
Both Saturday and Sunday Jeral and I went on a 12 km walk into town and back. It was great to get to spend time talking and connecting, and then going back and hanging out with friends. I honestly think Jeral and I talked more on this trip than the last one because we knew that alone time was going to be minimized.
Spending time with Miranda and Darrell and her family was great. I sure do miss hanging out with friends my age sometimes. And yet I am grateful and thankful for all my older and more mature friends. I truly and blessed to have so many friends, and I love you all!!!!!!!!!!
Last night we spent sometime with Grandpa, and my aunty Cindy. We had supper with them. With grandma being gone I feel that it is super important for Jeral and I to spend time with Grandpa, because I want grandpa to know that just because grandma is gone does not mean that he is no longer grandpa. Whether or not I am his biological grand daughter does not matter. He is the only grandpa I have ever know and so nothing changes. So we had a good time with them. Grandpa is hoping that I will be giving him a great grand baby soon. We'll see about that. My sister technically will be giving birth to a great grand baby before me, however I am the only one who makes any effort to visit so yeah enough said.
Now we are home, and boy oh boy am I ever having a tough time with my wireless connection, and this laptop is brand new. I just got it on Thursday. However it is an Acer and that could be the problem. I'll give it a few more days and if it does not get better by Saturday I will take the computer back and get a different Brand. Maybe a Dell? Who knows.
Well that is all for now. Have a great day and take care!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saying Goodbye
Grief is a strange thing, and it comes in cycles. However today a new cycle of grief begins.
I was supposed to be driving to Oliver right now to see my grandma probably for the last time. My aunt called last night to tell me that she had about a week to live. I remember calling my mom last night to tell her and I said that it would be more merciful for God to take her now. I never thought though that I would not get to see her.
This morning my aunt called to tell me that grandma had passed away just 30 minutes before she called me.
So this is saying goodbye for me, if she were still alive I would say theses words to her.
Grandma I am sorry that we missed out on a relationship for all those years I was to afraid to come and visit because of dad.
I want you to know that I love you. Always have and always will.
I am going to miss you.
Do you remember how people used to say that I looked just like with my red hair. I would promptly tell them that yours was a dye job and mine was the real thing. Secretly though I liked being told I was like you, because I thought you were so beautiful, and strong, and I wanted to be like that too.
I used to think that you would live forever like all little girls do. Now the end has come and gone. I was supposed to be saying goodbye to you today, instead though you are gone. You slipped away quietly all by yourself. My heart aches because I will never get to see you again, at least not here on earth.
I love you Grandma, and goodbye.
I was supposed to be driving to Oliver right now to see my grandma probably for the last time. My aunt called last night to tell me that she had about a week to live. I remember calling my mom last night to tell her and I said that it would be more merciful for God to take her now. I never thought though that I would not get to see her.
This morning my aunt called to tell me that grandma had passed away just 30 minutes before she called me.
So this is saying goodbye for me, if she were still alive I would say theses words to her.
Grandma I am sorry that we missed out on a relationship for all those years I was to afraid to come and visit because of dad.
I want you to know that I love you. Always have and always will.
I am going to miss you.
Do you remember how people used to say that I looked just like with my red hair. I would promptly tell them that yours was a dye job and mine was the real thing. Secretly though I liked being told I was like you, because I thought you were so beautiful, and strong, and I wanted to be like that too.
I used to think that you would live forever like all little girls do. Now the end has come and gone. I was supposed to be saying goodbye to you today, instead though you are gone. You slipped away quietly all by yourself. My heart aches because I will never get to see you again, at least not here on earth.
I love you Grandma, and goodbye.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
In A Funk
So I have not been posting too much lately. I actually have been isolating a lot. If it were not for the fact that I have been going to the gym I would blame this last down time on the fertility drugs however I know that is not the case.
This is just another time to come to a place of hurting over not being able to get pregnant. For Jeral's birthday I was really hoping that the last round of fertility drugs would have worked. However that is not what happened. I know that we both just want to start our family, and we are having a tough time understanding why the time is not yet.
I know that when I look back on the last 18 months so much growth has happened. My time with Jesus and Joy in counselling has been huge. And I know that getting pregnant right away would have changed all that has happened. I would not trade the growth and healing that has taken place, even though the pain of not being able to get pregnant in great.
I also would not have changed or given up the time that I have had with Jeral. We have had time to work on our marriage and to make it stronger and better. Yes we have our bad days and our times of struggle and yet I know that our marriage is on much better and stabler ground because of this time together.
And still there is an ache in my heart. I am hurting there is no way around it. Some days are better than others. I am at the point where I have decided not to go to church for the past few Sundays because I find it too hard to go there and see a woman who in now pregnant, with a little miracle (no child is an oppsy even if the child was not planned). It just hurts to much to see other women who may not necessarily want to be pregnant, be pregnant if you know what I mean. I keep asking why is it that they get blessed with the one thing that we want so badly and yet that blessing is with held from us? I know that this is our story, and they have their stories. Knowing that still does not make it any easier.
Some days I wonder if God would just bless us with one child would we (I) be content, and would the pain go away? Or would I just want more? If the day ever comes that I do become pregnant I know that I will cherish my child, and never take them for granted because I did not have to pray and cry for so long.
I am just rambling. Honestly I am just not in a great place right now. I thought finding out that my Ovary Drilling was finally scheduled and taking place on September 8th would help me come to a better place. However not yet. I guess I cannot rely on tings to help me feel better. Oh well I think this rambling has gone on long enough.
This is just another time to come to a place of hurting over not being able to get pregnant. For Jeral's birthday I was really hoping that the last round of fertility drugs would have worked. However that is not what happened. I know that we both just want to start our family, and we are having a tough time understanding why the time is not yet.
I know that when I look back on the last 18 months so much growth has happened. My time with Jesus and Joy in counselling has been huge. And I know that getting pregnant right away would have changed all that has happened. I would not trade the growth and healing that has taken place, even though the pain of not being able to get pregnant in great.
I also would not have changed or given up the time that I have had with Jeral. We have had time to work on our marriage and to make it stronger and better. Yes we have our bad days and our times of struggle and yet I know that our marriage is on much better and stabler ground because of this time together.
And still there is an ache in my heart. I am hurting there is no way around it. Some days are better than others. I am at the point where I have decided not to go to church for the past few Sundays because I find it too hard to go there and see a woman who in now pregnant, with a little miracle (no child is an oppsy even if the child was not planned). It just hurts to much to see other women who may not necessarily want to be pregnant, be pregnant if you know what I mean. I keep asking why is it that they get blessed with the one thing that we want so badly and yet that blessing is with held from us? I know that this is our story, and they have their stories. Knowing that still does not make it any easier.
Some days I wonder if God would just bless us with one child would we (I) be content, and would the pain go away? Or would I just want more? If the day ever comes that I do become pregnant I know that I will cherish my child, and never take them for granted because I did not have to pray and cry for so long.
I am just rambling. Honestly I am just not in a great place right now. I thought finding out that my Ovary Drilling was finally scheduled and taking place on September 8th would help me come to a better place. However not yet. I guess I cannot rely on tings to help me feel better. Oh well I think this rambling has gone on long enough.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Trying to Build Up Tolerance
So I am trying to build up my tolerance to raw vegetable. I happen to be allergic to raw vegetables. Not something that I would have minded as a child. However now as an adult I most definitely have some problems with this.
I am working hard on loosing weight, and so far I have succeeded. I also know though that the way I eat will cause me to plateau long before I want too, and my inability to eat raw veggies, is getting in the way. It really is a pain in the butt to always have to steam my veggies, and as such if I am lazy and don't want to be bothered with steaming them, then I grab for what ever else is on hand and easy.
Well today is day number one in my experiment to build up my tolerance to raw veggies again. I know that carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower are the worst, so for now I am staying away from those. I am starting off with cucumber and celery. If after a two weeks I can tolerate those well then I will attempt to add raw broccoli into the mix.
I can feel my throat doing something funny. However it is really the chest pains that get to me so if I can avoid those then I think this is a go.
Hopefully this will also help us with the hole pregnancy stuff. I need to eat healthy if I ever get pregnant and a part of that is veggies. I don't know when, or if I will ever get pregnant. I just want to be as healthy as I can be at that moment. I am right now that healthiest I have been in a few years. I still have more to do, however I know that I have already made the choices I need to continue down the road toward health.
Yesterday really prompted this for me. I was having a rough day, and I ate all the crap I could find in our house. I even went out and bought coke to drink. I found out that a lady in our Church is pregnant. Just a few days after I tell my counsellor I finally am getting it that Jesus not letting us get pregnant right away was the best way He could have loved me because I was so not ready to be a mom back then, I still had a lot of healing to do, and I still have more to go, I find out someone else is pregnant. I feel as though this is a test to see if I really meant what I said. The thing is I know it cannot be a test because I know that Jesus knows I meant what I said, when I said it. It feels like every time I come to a place of peace, someone else gets pregnant. I am not expecting that by coming to a place of peace that I will get pregnant, I just wish I did not feel that it is so up in my face.
I try so blasted hard to follow this diet and to exercise all in the hopes of #1- getting pregnant, and #2 - being healthy. I guess I still have the priorities wrong, and I should reverse those two. However that is still where I am at. I am really doing this in the hopes of getting pregnant. Yes even if I do not get pregnant I have every desire and intention to continue to eat right and workout. And yet I want children.
I know that I have given this all over to Jesus, and I know that his plans are best even when they hurt like hell for me. I know I can trust him, and that He is here with me. And I know his love enables me to face the pain, when all I want to do is run.
Okay so those are my ramblings for today. Take care everyone!
Love Leanne
I am working hard on loosing weight, and so far I have succeeded. I also know though that the way I eat will cause me to plateau long before I want too, and my inability to eat raw veggies, is getting in the way. It really is a pain in the butt to always have to steam my veggies, and as such if I am lazy and don't want to be bothered with steaming them, then I grab for what ever else is on hand and easy.
Well today is day number one in my experiment to build up my tolerance to raw veggies again. I know that carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower are the worst, so for now I am staying away from those. I am starting off with cucumber and celery. If after a two weeks I can tolerate those well then I will attempt to add raw broccoli into the mix.
I can feel my throat doing something funny. However it is really the chest pains that get to me so if I can avoid those then I think this is a go.
Hopefully this will also help us with the hole pregnancy stuff. I need to eat healthy if I ever get pregnant and a part of that is veggies. I don't know when, or if I will ever get pregnant. I just want to be as healthy as I can be at that moment. I am right now that healthiest I have been in a few years. I still have more to do, however I know that I have already made the choices I need to continue down the road toward health.
Yesterday really prompted this for me. I was having a rough day, and I ate all the crap I could find in our house. I even went out and bought coke to drink. I found out that a lady in our Church is pregnant. Just a few days after I tell my counsellor I finally am getting it that Jesus not letting us get pregnant right away was the best way He could have loved me because I was so not ready to be a mom back then, I still had a lot of healing to do, and I still have more to go, I find out someone else is pregnant. I feel as though this is a test to see if I really meant what I said. The thing is I know it cannot be a test because I know that Jesus knows I meant what I said, when I said it. It feels like every time I come to a place of peace, someone else gets pregnant. I am not expecting that by coming to a place of peace that I will get pregnant, I just wish I did not feel that it is so up in my face.
I try so blasted hard to follow this diet and to exercise all in the hopes of #1- getting pregnant, and #2 - being healthy. I guess I still have the priorities wrong, and I should reverse those two. However that is still where I am at. I am really doing this in the hopes of getting pregnant. Yes even if I do not get pregnant I have every desire and intention to continue to eat right and workout. And yet I want children.
I know that I have given this all over to Jesus, and I know that his plans are best even when they hurt like hell for me. I know I can trust him, and that He is here with me. And I know his love enables me to face the pain, when all I want to do is run.
Okay so those are my ramblings for today. Take care everyone!
Love Leanne
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Babysitting
Well obviously I have not had the time that I thought I would to blog about the adventures of being parents for a week. We have been busy and very tired. However today my friend has the girls for a bit so that gives me time to do some of the things that bring me life, such as blog. So here are some pictures of our adventure to date!
Breakfast the first morning
Playing on the toy car
Bath time!!!! I have never seen two girls who love bath time like these two girls!
Ready for Church!
Jeral and Sophia at the park when we had a picnic.
Chloe with the ball
Sophia sitting on the blanket, with in a minute she was crying and in my arms!
Breakfast the first morning 
Look at that smile!!!!
Playing on the toy car
Bath time!!!! I have never seen two girls who love bath time like these two girls!
Ready for Church!
I love these girls so much and giving them back on Saturday to their parents will be hard. Once I got over the oh my goodness is this really what motherhood is like, with the no sleep, I fell in love with being a mother. I am looking forward to the day that we adopt of the day that I give birth to my child, and a mother for real.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Day One Of Being Parents for a Week.
Well last night was the first night that Jeral and I had two little girls in our home. In total we have them for 8 days and 8 nights. They came late last night, and since we had company we had to put the girls in our room for the night. Talk about interesting.
The little girls are 11 months apart, and under the age of two. Talk about trial by fire. Their parents are away on an Alaskan cruise, and their two older brothers are with different families.
So last night. They got here around 11 pm, and they were still asleep. I was able to get the youngest down by about 11:30, and it was midnight before I was able to get the oldest down. Then at 4 pm the oldest woke up and was crying and hungry, so I got up and brought her down stairs and gave her some yogurt to eat. Then it was upstairs and back into to the playpen, or so I thought. In the end she was in our bed just having a grand time not sleeping. Finally around 5:30 am I got smart and put the portable DVD player in her play pen and put a movie on quietly and by 6 am she was sound asleep, which meant Jeral and I got two hours cuddle and sleep time before getting up in the morning.
Right now my niece is over occupying the oldest girl while I showered and I put the one car seat in our car. I need to go over to the girls house and get the other car seat for the oldest. They forgot to take it out of the van last night.
This afternoon, Jeral is playing daddy while I go to the gym. I would way rather go take a nap. However I know that I need to exercise. Not exercising is not an option.
Well that is all for now. Day 2 to come tomorrow, I hope! We'll see how much energy I have.
The little girls are 11 months apart, and under the age of two. Talk about trial by fire. Their parents are away on an Alaskan cruise, and their two older brothers are with different families.
So last night. They got here around 11 pm, and they were still asleep. I was able to get the youngest down by about 11:30, and it was midnight before I was able to get the oldest down. Then at 4 pm the oldest woke up and was crying and hungry, so I got up and brought her down stairs and gave her some yogurt to eat. Then it was upstairs and back into to the playpen, or so I thought. In the end she was in our bed just having a grand time not sleeping. Finally around 5:30 am I got smart and put the portable DVD player in her play pen and put a movie on quietly and by 6 am she was sound asleep, which meant Jeral and I got two hours cuddle and sleep time before getting up in the morning.
Right now my niece is over occupying the oldest girl while I showered and I put the one car seat in our car. I need to go over to the girls house and get the other car seat for the oldest. They forgot to take it out of the van last night.
This afternoon, Jeral is playing daddy while I go to the gym. I would way rather go take a nap. However I know that I need to exercise. Not exercising is not an option.
Well that is all for now. Day 2 to come tomorrow, I hope! We'll see how much energy I have.
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