A Little Update!

Chilling with Daddy in the Hammock!  We used some of the funding we got for Jaris to buy this hammock.   I was a little hesitant about a hammock because when Jaris was younger he did not like the hammock swinging motion.  However now as a 4 year old he loves it and he loves to snuggle with one of us in it!  

Snuggles with mommy while H naps!  We have had some amazing weather so  are enjoying it!

Playing in the sand box!  This I think is one of the kids favourite spots.   

Some one got a new bike!  Thanks to air miles.  Jaris loves riding his spiderman bike.  At first I thought that he may not be able to pedal because he had a strider bike before.  However he figured out how to pedal no problem.  He loves his bike so much that on days when it is raining he tries to sneak the bike inside and ride around the house.  

Lunch in the shade on a hot day!

Tomorrow marks one year since we were told Jaris had Autism.  As I sit and reflect on this past year, it has been a whirl wind, filled with lots of change, lots of challenges, lots of epiphanies, and lots of very sweet moments.

The biggest change is Jaris has school 5 days a week in our home.  I choose to call it school because I hate the term "behaviour intervention".  Jaris has autism, which at times presents itself in his behaviour however that is not the be all and end all to who my son is, and he learns so much more than just managing his behaviour when he has school.  Having other people in our home 5 days a week is tough on the introvert in me, yet it is what is best for Jaris so that is what we are doing.  

I have come to realize that when one has a child with a disability it is hard not to constantly make that child the focus of almost everything you say and do.  I will readily admit that when my sister and I were younger I used to get so angry, because there were times I felt as though my mom only had one child.  I can now understand and have little more compassion for myself and for my mom during the years that my sister was sick.  While I as a parent work tirelessly to ensure that all of my children never feel abandoned, or as though I do not have time for them, I can see how all consuming, and easy it can be to make one child the focus of life.  It is not just in time that one child can be the focus, it can also appear that when we celebrate accomplishment differently.  And while I am very aware of this I have my moments when I fail.  I am also well aware that this post will focus mostly on one child as well!  Today is one of those days.

We have also realized that while Jaris spends lots of time with me going to and from other appointments, he needs quality one on one time with us that does not involve doctors appointments, Speech and Language, OT, etc.  He needs time to be a little boy, and to have fun.  

In this past year I have watched Jaris go from being a boy who really did not try to engage that often to a little boy who will go to great lengths to engage and he seeks out people he knows are safe and whom he knows love him.  In the past year Jaris went from being a boy who barely spoke to a little boy who will spontaneously come to me and say, "Mommy I love you!"  Or like yesterday when he fell and I said, "Jaris you are okay!"  He looked up and said, "No mommy, I not okay.  I hurt my foot."  In the past year Jairs went from being a little boy who would throw himself to the ground and roll while banging his head, to a little boy who when upset runs to his chair that rocks and swivels, so he can spin to calm himself down.  In the past year Jaris went from being a boy who did not want a lit of physical contact to a boy who is very affectionate, and loves to be held and hugged as long as it is deep pressure.  The list could go on.  While I know that there were some who were opposed to us having Jaris assessed, I know 100% that we made the right choice.  My son is amazing and there is no limit to what he can do.  Do we still have challenges ahead of us?  Yes we do, yet we know that given time and love all challenges will be conquered by our amazing little boy.

So what else is new in the Krahn home.  Well Kenzie about a month or more ago found a locket in her hope chest that was given to her by her name sake.  At first she thought that locket came from her, "first mom", as she chose to call her.  I explained that the locket was from some one who I once spent a lot of time with, a wise women who came to mean a lot to me, and still does even though I do not seen her any more.  Kenzie wanted to know why her name sake was not a part of our lives, so I got to explain to Kenzie that in life sometimes people are only meant to be with us for a short while.  this is a concept that my daughter does not full get yet.  However what 4 year old would.  To a 4 year old everyone has to be in their lives forever and ever.  The photo of Joy was unfortunately wrecked.  I am pretty sure that the only reason I knew Kenzie found the locket was because I caught her with it, as she must have played with it before because the photo appeared to be damaged by water.  Kenzie was her adorable self and said mommy I want to see Mrs. Joy.  Yikes, that is not possible right now, so she settled for me emailing and asking Joy for a photo we can put in the locket.  Oh the innocence of my little girl, yet in a way I am happy she found the locket and asked about Joy.  As she gets older I am sure we will have more talks about Joy and why we named her after her.  

Kenzie has also expressed a desire to have a sister.  She wants older and younger sisters.  Since she is 4 we have not told her yet that she does have 4 older sisters.  We feel that would be a concept she is not able to understand.  Why do I have sisters and yet they do not live with us.  I know the day is coming when she will ask us lots of questions about her birth family.  Kenzie knows she is adopt, and she knows that we love her all the same.  Mid week last week she we were watching a cartoon in which one of the characters was pregnant and she asked about it.  So I explained that there was a baby growing inside of the mommy's tummy.  She got a big smile on her face and said just like my brothers and I grew in your tummy.    So i said yes - not yes to her growing in my tummy.  The yes was to every one growing at some point in someones tummy.  Most of the time when you grow in someones tummy, they are also your mommy forever - however sometimes babies grow in someone else's tummy, other than their mommy.  I am still not sure how much of this Kenzie fully understands.  In time I guess.

So Hayden - well he is one very tall boy.  I just went through all if his clothing and took out everything that was 24 months - 2t and all 3t jeans.  His drawers now are filled with 3t, and 4t clothing.  He is only 20 months!!!!!!!!  I will admit that there are days, moments when I catch myself trying to prove to others that he is not going to have Autsim like his brother.  I guess when one child is on the spectrum that tends to be the lens one looks at all their children with.  Hayden is still my snuggle bug, although he is pretty good at saying no mommy, or stop mommy when I am trying to sing to him while we snuggle.  He is a love of food, and a bit of a scavenger.  After his siblings leave the table he will get up and walk around to their plates and pick off all the food he loves.  Also who needs a puppy to eat the food off the floor when Hayden is around?????  H is very adventurous to the point on giving me more white hairs.  He seriously has no fear somedays, and his curiosity astounds me.

I think I will stop here as this got way longer than I anticipated!