Being Carried

Jeral has been gone this past week on a missions trip to New Orleans, and with him being gone I have been able to spend some time thinking and pondering the word "weakness". Our world has this idea of what weak is - weak is someone who is physically frail, emotional, crying well that is a defiant sign of weakness. What else someone who is liable to yield, collapse under pressure, breakable, lacking force, not smart, unself controlled etc. Do I need to go on? I am sure there are other words or definitions as to what weak is. For me to be viewed as being weak felt like the world was ending. If I was weak, I would be vulnerable, and open to more hurt. Being weak was view by me to be a negative. I needed to be strong even if I was on the verge of falling apart, or at least that is what I thought.

Something happened a few months ago that has slowly been changing my view of what it means to be weak. My best friend had her first baby, and there have been many complications with little Josiah. I was in Abbotsford talking to some and when the topic of it being okay to not be strong came up, I told her I needed to be strong when I saw Marie, because she needed a friend who was strong right now. Jesus gently reminded me at that point that in math when you multiply a negative with a negative the outcome is positive. A double negative is a positive. Oiy, I was beginning to get the picture. When I saw Marie later that day we both shared our joys, struggles, and tears (this was hard I have never liked crying). You know what when I look back on that time, I cannot see any weakness in those days. I see Jesus allowing two friends to be real and authentic. I see Jesus carrying both of us. Sometimes the things that we see and think as strong are really weakness. I am coming to realize that being vulnerable and authentic takes way more strength then covering up the "weakness". Jesus after all was considered weak by the world's standards at that time. He was not the strong conquering leader people wanted Him to be. However is some one were to ask me if I thought Jesus was weak, my answer would be a definite no. Jesus in my opinion was the strongest man to ever walk the earth, and he cried! Oiy, gotta love that reminder.

Anyways I have rambled on again.

Blessings, Leanne

Slow Process

Well these days I am becoming more and more convinced that healing the wounds of the past is a slow process. We live in an age where instant gratification is the norm. If you want if you can get it and quick, whatever you want. Honestly in our material world there isn't much you cant get especially if you have the money.

Some days if I could I would be very tempted to buy/purchase emotional healing. Just buy I have my little piece of paper or whatever I would get saying I have bought it and I would be done. Anytime a problem came up I would pull out the plaque or paper and say to bad so sad I am all healed so lets not bring that up. However in doing that I would miss out on the journey. Lifes journey with its many twists and turns can't be stopped with a plaque or a piece of paper. The twists will happen and the turns may at times be confusing, and the pace of the journey at times may feel slower than molasses in January, and despite all of that each moment is to be lived. Lived to its fullest. It's fullest joy, happiness, excitement, or it's fullest pain, sorrow, grief. denying the experience of these emotions in the moments that they come is like denying life. I know it is easier said than done to live fully when many of us including myself want the instant fix, the instant healing instead of the long lasting fruits of time and gradual transformation.

Above there are two pictures of the same painting. I took another attempt at a blindfolded painting. This time I did really well. Until Jesus threw in a hitch I was not expecting. He asked me to finish the painting not blindfolded. Oiy just when I thought I was figuring it out I had it all wrong. The first painting is the part done with the blindfold, and the second one is the finished product with out a blindfold on. I was freaked that I was going to mess up the painting if I was looking. I was gently reminded that part of the process is maybe messing up on my own so I can learn to more fully rely on Jesus, instead of myself. Honestly if my counselor ever read my blog I might be a little hooped. She could then use my own words to remind me healing takes time. And yet maybe that wouldn't be so bad. I am rambling now and it is getting late. Whether I am tired or not I still have school and students to work with tomorrow.

So good night!

Leanne