The Kids are Growingup SOOOOOO Fast

Bath time in tends to be one of the favorite times around here!
Look at the beautiful face!

All tuckered out from playing in the toy room and having fun.

Mommy look at me I have daddy's birthday present and I am going to have fun trying to figure it out!

What morning looks like in our family. The kids in their pj's having their buba's.

Helping mommy clean. For some reason they love playing with the broom and dry mop. Go figure. I hate cleaning and they love playing let's clean in their way. Still have a long way to go before they clean up the toy room when they are done playing!

I actually got a picture of her with her hair out of her face. She always has it in her face and will not let me put clips in, well actually I can get the hair clip in and then 30 seconds later the clip is on the floor!

Kenzie and Jaris are growing up so fast. I have pictures of them on my screen saver and I was watching the slide show the other day and my kids have gone from being babies to toddlers, and while I love much about this stage there is some grief over the baby stage being gone. Jeral and i both agree on this our hearts and home are much fuller because of being blessed with their presence in our lives. Next to when they are asleep with their head resting on my chest, hearing their laughter is the next best thing. They are so innocent and just express exactly what they want when they want. I love that some days as Kenzie and Jaris are playing she will drop everything and just walk over and wrap her arms around my neck and plant a kiss on me. Jaris will come and grab my leg and wrap his arms around and lay his head on my knee and just look up at me, then he lets go and puts his arms up in the air and says up. Then there are the times they are not happy and they let us know it, and those times are a joy too simply because they feel safe enough to be who they are with us. They are still at an age where they do not feel they have to be someone other than who they are for us, and hopefully we will be able to keep the going as they grow up. I never want my kids to feel they have to be something or someone other than they are for my approval and love. Anyways I love my kids very much! They mean everything to me, them and their daddy! I am blessed!

Broken Trust

Lots of thoughts have been running through my head as of late. I think one of the reasons I blog is because I find it easier to articulate my thoughts in written format than verbally face to face. I need time to think, I need time to process, and I need time to reflect. Unfortunately this means that at times resolving issues and conflict can take time instead of right away. Which then can mean that things that were said get forgotten.

I have been thinking back to about a year ago, and the end of a relationship that I new would at some point end and yet never expected to end on the terms it did. Maybe if I would have been able to clearly articulate face to face with this person the ending would not have been so harsh. Maybe it would have been easier to talk things through and for the other person to remember things that were said. However unfortunately I let time go by as I processed and reflected. I need time, yet while that can be of great benefit it can also be a down fall. The truth is if I had the courage to really risk getting hurt again I would say to this person. I want to find a way to repair the broken trust that has occurred, yet I am not sure how, or even if that is my responsibility. Normally I would think that the responsibility to repair broken trust would fall to the person who broke trust. I really do not like the idea of living through the rest of this life with the consequences of broken trust, especially not with this person. Alas though the ball I do not feel is in my court and the reality is I am not sure if anything will ever change. So I will have to find a way to let go. I have come to realize that letting go does not mean I will never miss this person, nor that I will never cry or feel sad over how things ended. Letting go means for me releasing the hope that I could go back and change things so they would have ended differently. Letting go means giving up the hope that in the future that trust can be repaired, or even that the other person would want to repair that trust. Letting go will hopefully give me the ability to be able to embrace the present and what is in front of me.

Anyways just some of my thoughts as of late! This is what this blog was for originally. I do promise in the days ahead there will be posts with pictures of the kids and so on. I know that is what my readers really want to see and read is all about the kids especially since they are so cute and adorable!

Six Years Ago

Six years ago tonight Jeral asked me out on our first date! Now me being oblivious to things like this almost shot him down. However I am thankful that I realized he was asking me out and that I said yes to going out for dinner a few nights later! And well the rest is history! I love you Jeral David Krahn! Thanks for asking me out 6 years ago, and thank you Jesus I clued in that you were asking me out!

Happy Birthday Jeral

Tomorrow is Jeral's birthday. I love Jeral so very much. Back in September I had someone ask me what I love about my husband, and well here are a few things. I love how when he wraps his arms around me I melt and feel safe. He is big enough and strong enough to hold me, yet gentle enough to not break me. He is one of the kindest and most gentle persons you will ever meet. He is an amazing Father, who does his best to show what God's Father love is intended to be. I love watching him with our kids. I love how almost every day his highlight has something to do with Kenzie or Jaris. I love how he never yells or screams when he is upset, and I love that our children will get to grow up in a home where yelling is not the standard tone of voice. I love his smile. Seriously when no one is trying to get him to pose for a picture he has the best almost little boy like smile. I love his excitement for life, and I love his excitment and wondering over being married to me (seriously it is a great feeling knowing your husband loves being married to you and looks forward to each new day with you). He is just so darn cute!

Happy Birthday Jeral! I love you!!!!!

I love his kissy face!Daddy's legs are the best tunnel!

Chilling with my older cousin!

Grandpa, Jaris and Daddy! I love this picture.

Life keeps moving. This is something I am really aware of these days. I wanted to slow life down and maybe even stop time for a few days. Yet life went on, and life does need to go on as it is really the only way to move through loss and grief. Yet if I am honest I still do have moments when I wish life stood still.

We bit the bullet and bought a new bedroom set for our master room. We have a mismatch of things both of us had from before we got married and since a great sale came up we decided to buy a new bedroom set. We have to wait until the end of the month for it to be delivered. I guess good things come to those who wait.

We have also changed Kenzie's room around a bit. The futon is up in her room and made into a bed. However my hope was that when she woke up crying in the middle of the night we could just snuggle in her room, and well she still settles way faster when I bring her into our room and our bed. Maybe there is just that added security of being safely snuggled between mommy and daddy. So in our bed our kids will come! Plus the reality is I really do not mind.

The Tattoo Addition

Some times when one is trying to find the right words to express the deep sorrow and pain they are feeling one comes to realize that there are no words. Silence in the midst of sobs, tears, and groans says what no words could ever say.

Well and then there is me. I go and get another tattoo! Okay I am being a little on the I am tough side. Yet my tender heart wanted to always remember so I added a pink butterfly for Kenzie, a dragonfly for Jaris and then 2 other butterflies for the miracles Jesus is holding instead of me.