Broken Trust

Lots of thoughts have been running through my head as of late. I think one of the reasons I blog is because I find it easier to articulate my thoughts in written format than verbally face to face. I need time to think, I need time to process, and I need time to reflect. Unfortunately this means that at times resolving issues and conflict can take time instead of right away. Which then can mean that things that were said get forgotten.

I have been thinking back to about a year ago, and the end of a relationship that I new would at some point end and yet never expected to end on the terms it did. Maybe if I would have been able to clearly articulate face to face with this person the ending would not have been so harsh. Maybe it would have been easier to talk things through and for the other person to remember things that were said. However unfortunately I let time go by as I processed and reflected. I need time, yet while that can be of great benefit it can also be a down fall. The truth is if I had the courage to really risk getting hurt again I would say to this person. I want to find a way to repair the broken trust that has occurred, yet I am not sure how, or even if that is my responsibility. Normally I would think that the responsibility to repair broken trust would fall to the person who broke trust. I really do not like the idea of living through the rest of this life with the consequences of broken trust, especially not with this person. Alas though the ball I do not feel is in my court and the reality is I am not sure if anything will ever change. So I will have to find a way to let go. I have come to realize that letting go does not mean I will never miss this person, nor that I will never cry or feel sad over how things ended. Letting go means for me releasing the hope that I could go back and change things so they would have ended differently. Letting go means giving up the hope that in the future that trust can be repaired, or even that the other person would want to repair that trust. Letting go will hopefully give me the ability to be able to embrace the present and what is in front of me.

Anyways just some of my thoughts as of late! This is what this blog was for originally. I do promise in the days ahead there will be posts with pictures of the kids and so on. I know that is what my readers really want to see and read is all about the kids especially since they are so cute and adorable!