Not Questioning Love

So I recently had a conversation with God, like as in today about love. I am realizing that I am just beginning to understand just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to God's love. In an attempt to keep this short I will dive right into the main idea behind the talk with Jesus. It really for me boiled down to how often do I question Gods' love for me? I do it rather often, especially if things are difficult and messy in life. The best thing about today was that I realized no matter how often I question Jesus' love for me, He never ever begins to question Himself as to whether or not He loves me. Just as Jesus IS, so is His love for me. It just IS. There is no getting around it. If Jesus jumped ever time I questioned His love for me He would have jumped alot, just to prove to me that He does love me. I am beginning to realize that sometimes the loving thing Jesus does is not to jump and fix everything. Instead He is with me in the mess as I work through it.

I know that this translates to my family life and how I love others too. Recently I was at my sister's wedding, and I know there were many times that my love for my sister and mother was questioned by them. So every time they said jump I would jump and when they questioned whether or not I love them I would fell I needed to do something to prove I loved them. Needless to say I failed in their eyes, and well I also know they failed in my eyes too. I have to face the fact that I also question their love and just as I can never prove I love them the way they feel I should by jumping and fixing things. They also cannot prove their love to me in the way I wish they would. So I am beginning to come to a place, of deciding when my love for others is questioned by them, instead of doubting myself and the love I have for them when they question it, I will rest and trust in the love I have, and not question it or try to prove it by jumping! I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone reading this, and yet for me today was a very profound and won wonderful day.

I'll be honest this journey of health, healing, and wholeness is a lot of work that is for sure, and well worth the effort, and tears!

Have a gooder!

Leanne

To Have Expectations or to Not!

My husband and I went away for a week recently and during that week I read a wonderful and I feel life changing book. I will leave the name of the book out of the blog simply because it has not yet been sent to book stores. I was definately challenge by the words on every page and I was also captivated by the book. So much so that I could hardly put it down.

So now fast forward to a conversation with a dear friend. We went on a walk just to talk since we both have busy lives and hardly see each other. During out walkwe talked about the book abit. In particular we talked about expectations. Lets face it we all have had expectations or tried to live up to the expectations that others have had for us, or the expectations we preceived others to have for us. Lets take for example when we were all younger and in school. There is an expectation that we will learn the material we need to learn, and that we will learn enough of it to pass. In my home there was an expectation of learning enough of the material to get an A. Once I got one A it was all downhill from there. I was expected to get straight A's. That was an expectation that as really there. I have also tried to live up to the expectations I thought others had of me, only to find out later those expectations were not really there. For example, I tried to be the life of the party and the crazy, fun, yet responsilbe camp counselor I thought everyone wanted me to be. Oiy if people only really knew that I am an introvert all the way. The reality though is that I placed that expectation on me because somehow I felt i needed the approval of the people around me. Truthfully I only need God's approval and guess what I already have it. We all have is approval already. So why do we try so blinking hard to get His approval and the approval of others? We don't need it. I personally think that there are days when I am working over time to gain the approval of others that my Heavenly Dada is shaking His heading wondering when I am going to finally accept that I don't need to work so hard for His approval because I already have it and He may even wonder when I am going to quit desiring for other peoples approval.

However good that all is there is one more though on expectations I want to explore a bit. How often have I put expectations on friendships? Lots let me tell you that. How often have I been disappointed when those expectations have not been met? A whole ton of times. How different would my life be if I stop placing expectations on my friendship, and instead just lived in expectany of relationship and love. Now you may be wonder how can one live in expectancy without expectations? To be honest I am still figuring that out. I think that if I live my life not expecting people to be hear at a certain time, or to be there, or to even fill the void of God at times, I will be a much freer and happier person. If I can just "love on people" (to borrow a quote from a friend. Then we are both free to be who we are. We are all free to be in relationships as who we truly are, with out having to put up the facsade of who we are not. I still have a lot more to think about and I know this blog amy actually not be to clear since my thoughts are still in process I just know deep in my heart that this has the power to transform my life, and my relationships.

Have a gooder of a day, or night to who ever may be reading this!

Blessings, Leanne

Meeting the Family and My Twin!

Okay so I have been told a time or two that we all have a twin somewhere in the world. Well I think I have officially met mine, and guess what. She is my cousin! Okay well my cousin through marriage.

So Jeral and I went to Manitoba last week so I could meet is Grandma Krahn, and some other family members. It was a little bit whirl windish meeting many of the Krahns, and it was very fruitful as well as fun. I met uncles, aunts, cousins etc. However the best part of the trip was meeting my new cousin/twin Sheila. Honestly I thought that maybe when we met we would say okay maybe I can see how the family might think that because we both have red curly hair that we are a like, and that would be as far as it goes. Nope wrong there. We have a lot of the same mannerisms. Oiy imagine if you will sitting across from the table and realizing that you both sit and talk with your hands folded, and elbows up on the table. I won't bore you with all the details of the eventful meeting, so all I will say is that the similarities are uncanny!

Now we are home, and I am happy to be home. I honestly love BC. There truly is no place like home!