One of the Best Decisions We Ever Made

Three years ago Jeral and I needed to make a decision.  That decision was if we were going to meet with a Birth Mom who had picked us.  I remember praying and begging God to make it clear to both of us what we were to do.  God's response, "You get to make the choice, there is no right or wrong here.  The choice is yours." I was pretty upset as I wanted to be told what to do (this is a very rare thing indeed).  Well the choice we made was to meet with this woman who ended up giving us one of the greatest blessings we have ever had - our daughter MacKenzie Joy Krahn (affectionately called Kenzie).   Seriously the best decision we ever made.

A New Road to Travel

Smiles!  I love  his smiles

I still have no idea where time has gone. Hayden is growing up so very fast!

My three miracles.

Brothers

Beautiful Boy 

So we met with the pediatrician this last Thursday.  It was a preliminary meeting where we discussed our concerns and the red flags we are seeing with Jaris.  She agreed that there were enough red flags and is referring us for further assessments.  The area of focus will be Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder.  We have asked that they look into Neurological Disorders considering the unknown disability Jeral has.  

So how do I feel knowing that this is the road we are about to journey down?  Not sure!  I hate not knowing and not having a game plan to help our son succeed in life.  Some days I am overwhelmed at the thought of a son with a disability and a husband with one (however that does not change how much I love both of them).  Some days I feel very alone in part because everyone has there opinion of what is going on or not going on, and sometimes I feel that if I challenge those people they will be upset with me.  While I know Jeral is with me on this I also know that in terms of understanding the complexities of what is going on with Jaris,  his brain has not processed all of it, and that can be very lonely.  And I worry (I know the Bible tells us not to worry, yet I am human and do worry), about all the unknowns right now.  

With all of that said though this is the one constant.  My son brings so much joy and love to our family that nothing else really matters in the end.  He is one of the miracles we prayed and literally begged God for many times.  He is one of our three miracle that God blessed us with and I love Jaris more than anything I could ever love in this world.  The day he was born was one of the most amazing days of my life and nothing will ever change that, and nothing will ever change how much I love him!  No diagnosis, no label, nothing will change the miracle he is or the love I have for him.

iPhone Photos

Standing at the edge and if daddy was not there he would have jumped right in.  I love how curly his hair is.

I got ambitious one day and took all three kids to the park.  Kenzie loves being on the swing.

My favorite thing to do these days

At the park with Jaris after Mother Goose one day.

Last Monday I had an accident.  Totally my fault.  I was so very thankful that I got hit on my side of the van and not the side that Hayden is on.  He slept through the whole thing.  I broke down crying right after it happened, in part because I was so shaken and in part because I was so thankful that every one was okay.  More importantly I was thankful that Hayden was okay.

He had a huge smile before I took the picture.  Every time I pull out the camera on my phone he stops smiling and starts to look intently.  Oh well he still is my cutie pie!

So Hayden has his shots this past week and wow his stats are impressive.  He was 17 lbs and 12 oz.  I was under the impression that nursed babes gained weight slower than formula fed babes, however that is so not the case here.  Jaris hit 17 lbs at 4 months, Kenzie was almost 7 months when she hit 17 lbs.  Hayden is a very healthy boy.  He is also 26.5 inches.  I love watching him grow and change on what is almost a daily basis!  He fits right into this family just perfectly.  Nights with this little boy are still a little hit and miss.  Some nights he sleep for up to 8 hours and then other nights he is up every 2-3 hours.  I look forward to the day this all settles out.  However I have an amazing husband who will take Hayden for me when I am tired.  Funny enough it is almost as though Kenzie is able to sense that mommy is no longer occupied with  Hayden and she comes charging down to our room to snuggle.  I love snuggles with all of my kids.