I had a bit of a rough night last night. Jeral and I sat down to watch "Open", the latest Nooma video to come out. The short 10 minute video is about prayer. The question is asked why does God seem to answer some prayers and not others, or is that He answers all prayers and sometimes the answer is no! Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane (I cannot spell sorry), to have the cup taken from Him, he told God the Father how he felt he cried out in anguish, and then he had the courage to say, "Your will not mine be done."
After the video I went upstairs drew a bath and sobbed, because as much as I want to be obedient to God and be able to say your will be done in regards to my getting pregnant, I know if God gave me the choice to be in control and do what I want, I would. I would be pregnant with Jeral's child right now. After about an hour I came downstairs and told Jeral how I felt. His immediate response was just to snuggle and hold me.
Then this morning came, and Jeral held me in his arms just before he went off to the barns and he said, "I love you first!" That was his way of once again reminding me he loves me more than anything. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful husband. Jeral truly is my best friend and the love I prayed for, for so long. Thanks DADA God for bringing us together.
3 comments:
oh sweetie. i feel EXACTLY the same way as you - and i feel ALL of those emotions you do. i'm not sure what God wants from us - or what He has planned for us...but it's got to be something good. He'll take care of us... :)
i'm SO happy that you have such an amazing partner to share your life with...he is an answer to prayer isn't he? :)
i love you.
That is awesome that God gave you the right husband for you. That through Jeral you are able to physically feel hugs and love from Jesus. I ache for you. I know what it's like to hurt for so long. I pray that one day soon God will surprise you with the gift of a baby.
So many times I've asked the same questions, and always know that the answer must be "His will be done, not mine". It is so hard to long and wait for something that our whole being longs to create. Even though we are adopting, the question still remains "why not me?". The only thing that I can do now is wait and pray that I am in His will.
I'm so glad that you have such an amazing husband. I truly do not know how I would manage without Mark. He is my best friend too and has been so supportive through this whole thing. I'm praying for you both that God will give you peace and comfort....and the strength to wait patiently until he gives you your answer....whatever that will be. Blessings and hugs.
Christina
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