Trying to Be the GOOD Christian Girl

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That about says it all as nicely as I can say it. Lately I feel as though I am trying so hard to be a good Christian girl, and coming up short. And by this I mean rejoicing and being happy and joyful in all circumstances. It is hard to be joyful all the time, especially when you just find out that you have two more friends who have just gotten pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for them, and in the same breathe I am crying within my heart.

I committed to giving God this year, not that I totally understand why He has asked us too. I love my husband more than anyone or anything, it just gets so hard, when every night we are playing pool, or playing crib he tells me he really wants a baby. And we keep hearing wait from God. When God adopted me as his daughter he didn't get a perfectly behaved daughter. He got a rebellious daughter, who will do her best to obey and yet question and fight with Him.

I can rejoice in the fact that I have a lovely home, financially we are well off, I have a great car, I have some much, and yet honestly I would give that all up, the money, the house, the car, everything just to have my baby kick me in the stomach as we wait for her arrival in to the world. Or to hold her in my arms.

I know that trying for a year isn't forever, nor is waiting on God for a year forever. It just feels as though it is when you are in the midst of it.

And yet for this I am thankful and can rejoice, I have a husband who loves me and that will never change. So thank you Lord for that!