So I am in process as we all are in process. I was able to see my counsellor this past week. What a blessing to have her in my life. Honestly she is one of the few people who can say things to me and I don't want to rebel. I was challenged by her to accept what is a few weeks ago and this time she did the same.

She also challenged me to differentiate between pain and suffering. Often we as humans pair the two. Pain is something that none of us can escape. Suffering however is something that we add on top of by our choices. We suffer when we look at life's events as unfair, and when we believe that God is up there pulling levers to make things happen. So for me part of my suffering is that I believe God is up there pulling the pregnancy lever for my sister and a ton of my friends and for me He put the breaks that lever. Yes it hurts big time that everyone around me has children and or are pregnant. However I have also been choosing to suffer because I believe God is unfair. Instead of acknowledging the pain (it's there and ignoring it is not healthy), and giving it to God and then looking for the gifts that I have been given, I have refused and fought with God and only looked for the gift I want.

I have been given the gift of seeing Joy, and I have needed that. Being pregnant would take that gift away. I have been given the gift of a chance to become healthy. I have to choose to accept that gift. Which I will say right here and now I am choosing to accept that gift. I have on numerous occasion said I have been blessed with a lovely home and a wonderful husband, and I have been. Yes these gifts do not take away the pain, however pain is something we all as humans must face and live with, suffering on the other hand is not something we have to live with.

I started reading a book I ordered a few weeks ago entitled, "A Patients Guide to PCOS: Understanding and Reversing Polycyctic Ovary Syndrome", by Walter Futterweit. Seriously for those of my friends who are struggling with fertility due to PCOS this is a good book to read. I am finding it valuable even in the information it gives that will help me tell my doctor what I need.

Well that is all for now.