Home Sudty Visit # 2 and Other Stuff

Hey all! So here is how home study visit number 2 went on Tuesday! GREAT. No seriously I was all worried about this process before we started it and things are going well.



We still have two (well three technically) visits left. The next one is in Kelowna and this one is actually two visits Jeral and I will be together for the first half hour and then she will talk with us separately. This visit won't happen until May 21st. Then the last visit the social worker will be coming here, sometime in June. So hopefully by July we will have our profile in the profile book.



We still need to decide if we are going to spend the extra money and put our profile into two agencies or if we are going to stick with Sunrise only. This decison will come dow the whether or not we can afford it.



Jeral and I are also choosing to undergo futher testing and we have been referred to the new fertility clinic in Kelowna for a second opinion. We are not sure whether we will actually pursue further fertility treatments that all depends on the results of the tests and what they say.



I just found out that another friend just started trying to conceive. My honest prayer for her last night was that it would only take them one month of trying because I know to many woman who have faced the pain of month after month of not being pregnant, and I know that pain all to well myself. The crazy thing is that this friend has always had to try to compete with me and try to out do me, and in the past I played into the game by competeing. Yet this is one area that I am not able to compete in and truthfully do not even want to compete in. May she be pregnant this month and 40 weeks from now holding her precious bundle of joy in her arms!

Photo Tag

Okay normally I do not do the tag thing and yet I am going to participate in this one!





So go to your photo's folder on your computer pick the 7th folder and the 7th picture in that folder and then share it witheveryone!

So this is a picture of me with my amazing God daughter! We may not have kids of our own and yet I love getting to spend time with these girls!

So I tag

Rebekah, Janelle, Kelsie-Lynn, Tara, Andrew, Katie, Christina!

Surrender

Hmmmmm. I have been silent for a bit in part because I have been processing lots. I have taken a few people by surprise with where I am at in regards to finding out my uterus also has complications besides my ovaries having issues.

So back ground info - last week after months of getting what felt like the run around I had my HSG (a test where they inject radioactive dye into my uterus to see if there are blocks in it). The test did not go well, and due to the way that area of my body went into spasm I most likely will have to have the test done again just to make sure that what they think are blockages and obstructions really are blockages and obstructions. Needless to say I am not to happy about the idea of having to endure the test again.

After 27 months of praying and begging God to heal my uterus I am in a place of finally once and for all surrendering. When I was asked by someone if she could pray and how did I want God to heal me my response was, " I am tired of fighting with God on this and demanding what I want. God does not have to heal me, I am more than okay with adopting my children, and maybe this is the journey God has for us. All I know is that I am tired of heaping more suffering onto an already painful journey. I am just to tired to fight anymore, and I know that even when I have more energy again I do not plan to grab on and start fighting."

I know that not everyone is in this place in their own journey and I in no way want to negate that there are friends of mine who desire very much so for God to heal them and give them biological children. I am not trying to be insensitive, to the pain, hurt, and confusion the journey of infertility brings with it. This is just where we are at, and I will continue to pray for my friends where they are at, and for their hearts desires.

I used to dread being one of those women whose wombs was never opened just so I could journey empathetically alongside others who are walking this journey of fertility struggles. I was so opposed to the idea that I would tell God that the only way God could redeem my pain would be for God to give me biological babies - no way was I even willing to acknowledge that God could and might want to redeem this pain in another way. I am still not sure how God God plans to redeem this painful journey, and yet I am beginning to open my eyes to some possible ways. The journey still has its painful days, yet maybe just maybe now the extra suffering that I have been heaping on my self will be significantly less.

Jogging

So I have started a new exercise routine. I have been faithfully going to the gym with my friend for the past few months. However now with the good weather and the snow being gone I have started jogging outside. I have two different routes one is just under 10 km, and the other is 11.2 km. Seriously I love jogging, and jogging outdoors is way better than jogging inside on a treadmill. I need a friend to keep me motivated going to the gym however I need no motivation to run outdoors. I love the feeling of the wind blowing my hair, of breathing in fresh air. The smell of cow crap is not so appealing however that depends on the direction of the wind.

As I was running today I was talking to God and basically I have come to a point where this journey to be healthy is for me. When I first embarked on the journey it was to aid us in getting pregnant. Maybe if I would have known 10 months ago that my uterus also had problems then I would most likely not have embarked on the journey to loose weight and get healthy. I am grateful for the desire to get pregnant be the driving force to kick start the desire to be healthy. Now though it is time to let it go of that, and just keep getting healthy for me.

First Home Study Visit

So Jeral and I would like to thank you all for praying for us yesterday as we had our first home study visit.

We prayed before we left for Kelowna to meet with the social worker, and then we prayed again at lunch and we got their early so we prayed together again before we went in. Normally the social worker would do the majority of the visits at out house with us, however due to her being in Kelowna she wants us to drive there, which is nice for us because we don't have to pay for her mileage. She will make one visit out here to "inspect" the house, and talk some more.

Anyways when we walked into her office we both felt a peace settle over us. That feeling of peace and feeling of knowing the God brought the right Social Worker into our lives was well worth the last 2 months of waiting for this process to start. We seriously feel that the wait was to help us grow and learn lots and prepare us more. I find it funny that when we look back we can see why things needed to be the way there were sometimes, and yet when we are having to be patient we are just so frustrated because we don`t know the out come, or the answer to why this is taking so blasted long .

I in particular want to thank you for praying for me. I have been worried about how will things from my childhood affect the outcome of the home study and whether or not we will be approved. I am no longer worried about that. I feel at peace and look forward to the social worker asking me whatever question she would like to. I have grown, changed, and healed so much in the past few years, and no matter what the out come I know I will be okay. Right now we know that God wants us to go through the home study process. So we will, and we will look for all the growth opportunities this process will bring our way. I can honestly say that even if by some miracle I got pregnant this month, we would still go through with the rest of the home study because I know there is something God wants to show us in this process if we will allow God to show us!

Blessings my friends! We love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!