Our Week

Wow where to begin? Life has felt like it has been going full tilt a head. Our oldest niece got married last weekend and it was so beautiful. I loved how intentional they both were with what they said to each other. I also loved what my sister in law and brother in law said to both of them in their speeches. They left an open door for both of them to come to them and talk about whatever hurts they had from their childhoods, with a promise to listen and do their best to not be defensive. I loved that! I hope I will have the humility to do that with my children.

So Kenzie has decided to start biting people! Oiy! She has drawn blood on two different kids. Ahhhh talk about embarrassing. One of those kids was Jaris and well the other was my best friends little girl. When Kenzie wants you to back off and get out of her space she bites. I am at a loss with how to correct this behavior. I know there are some who would sway bite back, or give them a smack, or flick her mouth, however all of those ideas are actually illegal in Canada since she is under the age of 2, and if she was over the age of 2 those all leave marks and thus are considered to be criminally chargeable offenses. Plus we have intentionally chosen not to use physical discipline. So for now when one of the kids bites us we tend to yelp as if it hurts so badly to startle them. Often this means there are lots of tears because they get scared from the sheer volume It just means thing may not look all nice and neat for now. I know she will eventually grow out of it, and funny thing is my mom would bite people when she liked them and she told me she was still doing it at the age of 5. So crazy!

Despite the biting going on in our house there is a lot of fun too! Jaris is turning into such a little goof ball! I love watching his smile and his laugh, and just how he will check to see if we are paying attention before he attempts to do something we have asked him not too! I love hearing the two of them playing and laughing at each other. I love watching them play together and I love, absolutely love Jaris toddling over to me and putting his arms up in the air and saying "UP".

On Monday my OBGYN prescribed something to help my body let go of our 7 week (gestationally) old baby. I sobbed in my therapists office, something I had fought doing all weekend due to trying to be as happy as I could be for my niece in the midst of grieving for us. So after spending Tuesday with Jeral's family at a cabin they rented we came home and I took the pills hoping they would work, yet not sure. I did not expect labour to start with in the hour yet it did and for the next 7 hours I cried (partly due to the intense pain and partly because I was sad) as my body let go of one of our little miracles. The reality is my little one is in the arms of Jesus and while I so wish I got to hold him or her. I got to know and dream about him or her for three glorious weeks. While I may not have gotten to hold her in my arms, there will come a day that I get to wrap my arms around him or her, and I look forward to that day. So in the mean time, I am adding to my tattoo. I am having a butterfly added for Kenzie, a dragonfly for Jaris, and two smaller butterflies for the 2 babes we have lost in the past 10 months.

I am not sure how to adequately put into words the loss we feel right now. We are so blessed to have Kenzie and Jaris in our arms every day and to have them in their beds in our home every night, and yet the joy of them does not lessen the heartache and hurt we feel right now. Yet in the three weeks we knew about our little miracle we learned so much and realized how much healing had taken place for me in the past 10 months. However that is for another day, and probably not for the blog. All of that goodness is more or less meant for one on one talks with those I trust.

Well that is all for now. I will eventually get more pictures up again, since I know that most of the blog readers really just want to see my adorable babes! I sure do love them!!!!!