Getting Excited

No Pictures today. I have not taken any photos in the past few days! I know that I will have plenty of opportunity in the days a head to be taking photos. Only a few more days and we have our Extended Pauls Family Christmas. All of my mom's brothers, sisters and their families come. If everyone is here we are 48 with two more on the way. This year we are going to be 45 maybe 46. We will only be missing my aunt who we miss every year. I cannot imagine how hard it is for her to not get to come year after year due to her chemical sensitivities. Yet she always blesses us by sending food along. The other two we may miss are my cousins boyfriend (all depends on work), and his son. We are having a very full house, and we are excited to have everyone here!

When Grandma Pauls passed away, we decided that our once a year family gather around Christmas time was something we wanted to continue with. It is nice that for the most part we live all with in two hours of each other (with the exception of Brendan and Krista), yet with all of our busy lives Christmas tends to be the one time a year we get to see most of our family members. I like the idea that our kids will grow up knowing their second cousins. I got to know a few of mine during my years at Bible College and I would not trade that for anything. While grandma may not be with us in body she is definitely with us in spirit. We will have way too much food (a Mennonite thing), yet that is also a good thing just in case some extras show up. With Grandma everyone was welcome no matter who. We are going to have fun. We are going to laugh, maybe cry a bit. We are going to have some great talks and just be together as a family. I love it. Now all I am hoping is that the new couch, love seat, chair, and ottoman arrive on time! Delivery is set for Friday, yet we are not sure about the love seat! Oh well we have lots of places to sit and chat, I just want the new stuff though!!!!! :)

So this year with our own kids we have decided to cut back on what they are getting for Christmas. They are still getting gifts and we got some great things on airmiles for them, and we are choosing World Vision gifts. I am so excited about this. Every week for a total of 7 weeks are picking one or two World Vision Gifts from their catalogue. Our kids have everything they need and a lot of things that they want, so instead of adding a ton to the pile of toys we are adding some while giving to others what they need. We are also being intentional and trying not to buy toys that will end up in the garbage in a year or less. Our hope is that our kiddos will grow up knowing that blessing others is just a part of life, and something we enjoy doing. I look forward to the day that Kenzie and Jaris will sit next to me and look through the catalogue on line and pick gifts to give to others too! Yet maybe that can be a few years away, because I am having too much fun picking out gifts to bless others.

The Two men in my life! I am such a loved woman with these guys around, and my daughter too!

I started this post last week and am now finally finishing it. Oh well I blog when I can and that is that. We are in full swing with Christmas decorating around here. I have 6 Christmas trees up in the house, and to think I actually had the gall to tell my mom I was not going to decorate as much this year. Hmm i think the next time I say that to anyone they can feel free to call me a liar. I love making my house all pretty! Wow did I just write those words? Yep sure did. I enjoy the artistic side of decorating and the sense of accomplishment and from seeing the beauty I create. Plus I want everything up for our big extended family Christmas on my side. Looks like 44 maybe 45 people this year, and a whole lot of fun.

A few weeks back I made a comment on facebook about my kids and a friend said she wished her outlook on having multiple toddlers was as positive. The comment got me thinking, and I responded to her saying that she only sees the positive outlook because that is all I will write on facebook. The reality is I am like every mom I know. I have my good moments, and I have my rough moments. I get overwhelmed, I get cranky, and I want to rip my hair out. I have moments when I am less than the kind of mom I desire to be. I remember the day that I had to finally surrender to the reality that being a mom, let a lone being a mom to 2 miracles just over three months a part was not looking how I had envisioned it nor would it really ever be that way. I had envisioned that my kids would never cry, not because it is bad to cry, it would be because I would always be there to hold and comfort them. I would be attuned to their every need and meet it before they even knew they had a need. Yeah slightly over idealistic huh?!?! I also realized there is a reason the baby carrier companies do not make double baby carriers. My back could not handle two all day every day. I came to a place of saying it is okay to want my kids to some nights sleep in their own bed. At the end of the day I am in need of my space and sometimes the only me time I get is in bed when I am sleeping. Wanting that does not make me a bad mom, it makes me human. The reality is I am human and will have my not so terrific mommy days, yet those days will be good enough. There is my thought for today! I have a book I want to go read!

The kids and I went out to play for a bit today while it was chilly they love the great out doors! And I love them!!!

Playing in the leaves! I was hoping to get some great shots of them in the leaves and I got a few. They just were not sure about the whole jumping in the piles.

Future wedding material this one is!

Helping mommy rack I tried racking up some of the back yard and Kenzie got upset so I gave her the rack. Hmm is this considered child labour? All she got paid was a hug, kiss, and a snuggle!

Jeremiah 29:11 - God promises the people of Judah that He knows the plans He has for them. Plans to give them hope and a future. While I know that promise we read is meant for the people of Judah I know that God also knows His plans for me and our family. Yet there are days it is tough to trust and rest in that. Yet here I find myself resting and trusting for today, and today is all I am sure of as yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not assured. I have this moment now.

I was recently told that letting go of our dreams is not abandoning them. Let go is giving them to God and allowing His hope and His dreams for me to be received. It is not a secret that we have faced heartache many times as we dreamed of growing our family, and we have also been blessed with two amazing miracles. This summer brought us great surprise and wonder as we thought our dream of three children was going to be realized and then our grief plummeted to new depths as we had to let go of our little one and entrust her to Jesus long before we ever got to hold her. With each new pregnancy announcement my heart was both happy for my friends and filled with grief as I was once again reminded that I now have two babes with God. Jeral asked me after one announcement if I was jealous and I was able to honestly say no I am just missing my babes. In the days following I came to a place of laying down my desired outcomes for me one desired outcome and hope was that some how everything was wrong and that I would one day soon find out I was still pregnant. Letting go means letting go the idea that I can some how hold on and change the past so I get my desired outcome. Letting go also to me means I relinquish the desired future outcomes I may have. If I am holding on to what I desire I will never be able to grasp a hold of what my Heaven Papa has for me.

I have no idea how the future of our family looks like. All I know is there is a future and that is amazing! So for today I have let go, and who knows what tomorrow holds!

Kenzie's new favorite place to play

My miracles! Never in a million years could I have orchestrated what God did and despite the hurt look how things have turned out so far! I love you two more than I can ever put into words.

It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas!

Just the beginning of Christmas decorations! Love this time of year. Now take down is not nearly as much fun.

Foyer! Notice the new piece in the main foyer! I snagged it at HomeSense! Love that place and have spent way to much money there as of late!

Top of the China cabinet with a few of my Willow Tree figurines! Now I fully know that this does not look as great as it does first hand as if you were here sitting in my living room with me sipping on a cup of tea while chatting away, so you will have to trust me when I say all the Christmas Decor looks way better in person! So if you are in the neighbour hood my friends feel free to pop on by and check it out for yourself!

So adorable! I Love you MacKenzie Joy!

Look at that face! Seriously who could say no to that face?

Life is full with two little ones. I have been getting our home ready for the holidays lately. Little bit by little bit. I have figured out that this is the best way to get all the decorations up with two toddlers wanting to be with me right in the action. Now if only I could take a month or two to take all the decorations down!

Everyday I feel as though my babes are getting that much older. New words are coming out of their mouths and they are understand more and more of what we are saying. They are accomplishing tasks that make me smile. Soon they will no longer want mommy's help with puzzles! They are growing up so quickly.

I am still amazed any time someone who has heard our story of how God has grown our family, will ask me which one of my children is mine. I calmly reply both of my miracles are mine. Then follows a, "You know what I mean, which one is biological?" Really, do I really know what you mean. This past weekend when a man said that I told him I forget, and biology does not matter I carried both my children in my heart and that is what matter. The reality is that no one looking in from the outside would know which of my children is adopted and which of my children is biologically ours. Both my miracles were birthed and carried in my heart long before the story of how they came to be in our family was created. Please do not get me wrong we are in no way ashamed to say that Kenzie is our miracle through the gift and blessing of adoption. I am just tired of people thinking that just because I carried one in my body physically for 38 weeks and 4 days that he is some how more mine son that Kenzie is my daughter. I know that this will be a comment/question we will face many times in the years to come. I also know there will come a day when Kenzie and Jaris understand the question that is asked while they are around, and I do pray that God will protect and shield their hearts and that my actions will speak louder than any words ever spoken by others.

My handsome son. I love that this one is slightly out of focus with only his fingers really in focus! He has beautiful hands my boy!
Going down the slide at the park together!

Look at the static! Jaris had no fear on any of the slides at the park! It was so fun watching him play and a little nerve racking when he was near an opening that he could fall through and get hurt!

This man is an amazing father and husband! I am so blessed that he is my husband and best friend and that he is the father to our children!

My favorite picture of Grandpa Krahn! The kids had a blast playing with Grandma and Grandpa at the park!

My two miracles! I love you Kenzie and Jaris and always will, you make everyday a brighter and better day just by being my kids!

Me and my miracles!

Static hair for both of us beauties!!!! See we managed to get a few pictures of me this trip and Jeral did a great job capturing the beauty and fun of both his daughter and wife! Love you hun!!!

Love this boy more than words could ever say. I am a lucky and blessed mommy!

Yet another great picture of my son! Sure is a photogenic boy

MacKenzie has the best smile in the whole world! Yes I know I am her mom and that I am biased, however it is true - her smile is so big. It is almost larger than life sort of like her personality! We are so thankful and honored everyday that her birth mother chose us to be Kenzies family!

What are you pointing at my son?

We had a great last visit with Grandma and Grandpa Krahn before they head south for the winter! Kenzie and Jaris are getting to the age where we know they remember places and people and it is so fun watching the expressions on their faces as they put two and two together! They were not happy a out having to be in their car seats for so long and yet when we drove up to Grandma and Grandpa's it is like they knew where we were and they got very excited!

Everyday with Kenzie and Jaris is full of excitement and adventure. They are so curious about everything. They love washing dishes with me. They are both strong enough to push the chairs where ever they want in the house and use them to climb up on things! Oiy, I feel as thought I can never turn my back on them for a moment!

I had a root canal done this morning! Oiy! One of the not fun parts of having a high pain tolerance is that I also have a high tolerance to pain medications, and my mouth does not freeze well. Yet I am thankful that is is done and hoping in the next few days the pain goes away! Until then a little whiskey or bailey's in hot chocolate will help sooth the pain!!!! :) Well I have a very upset 22 month old who does not want to go to bed so I will go snuggle! Enjoy the pictures of some very adorable kids!