Married Ten Months Where Does Time Go!

Hi Ya'll. So yesterday was October 30th, and Jeral and I have been married for 10 months. Some days it feels as though we just got married and then other days it feels as though we have been married forever. I know 10 months is not the one year mark, however I still feel it is monumental. I like to celebrate, especially if I get to go out. Therefore after a lovely dinner cooked by me Jeral and I went out for desert. We went to Earls because I wanted a very specific desert, only to find out that they were out. Oiy!!!! AHHHHHHHHH, and oh well then i will have something else. Jeral and I actually took this time to talk more deeply with each other.

You see this past weekend we were at a Power to Change Family Life one day Marriage seminar. The reason we went was because our friends Will and Doris Born were guest speakers. Very cool!!! As well as the reminder that we needed to not let the status quo become what always is. So at dessert we took the time to talk about some reoccurring problems. Now I know you may be thinking, what you would talk about that in a restaurant. Oh my the arguing that could have gone on. Well for one thing Jeral and I don't argue the same way others do simply because if I am speaking to fast or my voice is raised or I am yelling Jeral cannot understand a word I am saying, so we have to talk in soft, slow voices. Talk about drive me crazy when all I want to do is let him have it some days. However God knew ahead of time that I did not want the volatile relationship my parents had so thus he sent me a husband who does not yell and cannot understand me when I yell. So NO yelling! Honestly taking the time to rationally talk about some of the reoccurring issues we seem to have when they are not a huge issue at the moment was good. We were able to rationally talk and not hurt each other with accusations. We were able to look more clearly together at the issue and see where the other many be coming from. So good!

The one big thing I remember for the Marriage Seminar is this: when you are having issues, and trust me when people with varying background and personalities come together there will be issues, make sure that at the end of the day you marriage relationship is the priority, not being right and winning the issue. I am a very competitive person. Feel free to ask my husband. In any game we are playing I hate to loose. I like to win at all costs, except for cheating that is just no fun. So to not want to be the one to win the argument is huge and a stretch. However after seeing just the past few days of making sure our marriage wins instead of one of us winning I am beginning to like the idea even more.

So that is all for now. Have a great day!

Blessings, Leanne

Praying for Josiah

For those of you who do not know my best friend and her husband has a little boy eight and a half months ago. Since Josiah was born they have been on a roller coaster ride. He was born with a really rare condition and has been in the hospital at BC Children's since the day he was born. Up until now every complication that Josiah has had the doctors have been able to do something about through medicine. However Josiah's heart does not work properly. His body is not getting enough oxygenated blood to it and his body is retaining fluid, and his lungs have filled with fluid. Right now as I type this blog entry Josiah is having a CT scan and over the next few days the doctors will decide if what is wrong with Josiah's heart is treatable. If it is then Josiah will go in for surgery in end of this week, early next week. If what is wrong with Josiah's heart is not treatable then the journey that Andrew, Marie and Josiah have ahead of them will look very different. So if you are reading this please join me in journeying and praying for Andrew, Marie, and Josiah.

Round Two

So the drugs that I was put on to help me get pregnant did not work, so we are onto round two. I'll be honest. I am a little tired of grieving every month the fact that I am not pregnant. I would rather finally grieve it once and for all and adopt. However my husband is not there yet so the grieving continues. I am finding that with each month the grieving process takes longer and is taking more of a toll on me. It could be the added effects of the medications I am on. Pumping all these extra hormones into ones body cannot be good on an on going basis.

I was supposed to see my specialist a little over a week ago, and unfortunately he cancelled all of his appointments that day. I was a little irked because a friend had switched appointments with me so I could see my Dr. sooner than the end of November. Now I as it stands I will not see him until the end of November. Luckily my regular GP is amazing and rather helpful with this whole PCOS stuff and when I saw her this week she wrote the prescriptions I needed and said "Leanne we will find a way to get you pregnant!" I am not holding my breath anymore on that one. It is not that I have given up on God and His ability. I have definitely not done that. I have given up on my ability. I honestly feel as though I cannot go through one more month of not getting pregnant, only to end up pumping my body full of more hormones to see if the next month is the month it finally works. I just wish my husband was on the same page as me and ready to say lets get the adoption process going. However that is not the case, and as I grieve that and tell Jesus I cannot do this again and again indefinitely He gently reminds me that He is with me and when I cannot go on or do this again, HE CAN!!!!!! Knowing that Jesus CAN does not change how much it hurts, or how much my heart aches over an empty womb. Knowing that Jesus CAN reminds me that I am not alone, even if sometimes I want to be. So onto ROUND TWO!

A Tribute to a Very Special Woman

I am writing this post to say THANK YOU to a very special woman in my life. Her Name is Joy and she has been journeying with me and walking with me for about 13 months. Joy is my counsellor! Yes I see a counsellor, and I honestly believe everyone at some point in his or her life could benefit from having a counsellor. Someone to be there just for you.

I started going to counselling 13 months ago to really work on the effects of my parents divorce and my dad's alcoholism (which subsequently lead to my dad becoming very abusive) had on my life. Especially since I was in a serious relationship with the man I am now married to. Actually if I am brutally honest I originally went to get two friends off of my case, and then as a result of connecting with Joy I started to work on the circumstances stated above.

Anyways here are some things that I am very thankful for, and I think that every woman needs a woman like Joy in her life!

1)Joy calls it like it is! Seriously it used to catch me off guard when she wouldn't sugar coat things and now I have come to appreciate her honesty with me during counselling so very much!

2)She comes from a place of understanding. I appreciate the fact that she understands what I am feeling and going through because she has been there.

3)She won't let me pull the wool over her eyes.

4)I know she will hold me accountable to do the tasks that Jesus has asked me to do for my own growth.

5)Her compassion. I used to have a very hard time looking at her or anyone for that matter who may have had compassion and caring in their eyes, and yet now when I am able to look her right in the eyes which is more and more often now. Sometimes I just want to look into her eyes because I now I will see compassion and I need to have more of that on myself.

6) This is probably what I appreciate the most, and that is Joy's ability to cry. Her tears paved the way for me to finally find it acceptable to cry. I can honestly say that I have never ever cried alone when I have been in my sessions with Joy, she has always cried with me. To be given the gift of someone else's tears is truly a huge blessing, and to know that I am not crying alone is an even greater blessing.

7)Her openness to having Jesus lead the counselling session and let Him be The Counsellor first and foremost. I love the fact that during each session I am with both Jesus and Joy.

My life is forever changed because of this amazing woman, and I know that all the words in the world would never come close to expressing my gratitude and appreciation. The reality is that she will most likely also never read this so I will at some point have to find another way to express my thankfulness to her in person. Honestly I am pretty sure that God knew getting to see Joy and have her counsel me and help me work through some of my garbage is what would make my in ability to get pregnant right now more tolerable.

I hope and pray that you are all having a great day.

Love, Prayers, and Blessings!

Leanne

Thanks Giving Weekend!

Well Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This is my first Thanks Giving as a married woman. It was a year ago just after our friends wedding that Jeral asked me to marry him. He had planned a long romantic walk on a beach in Victoria so he could ask me to marry him and instead due to rain we went back to the truck and he asked me to marry him in the farm truck. It worked and I said yes. Actually I knew he was asking me that day. I almost even found the ring when I was snooping in his wallet.

So this weekend has been really busy. On Friday we had an amazing supper with some friends of ours. Both Jeral and I feel very thankful and blessed that they are a part of our life. After supper we went bowling with their family so very fun. I am just slightly competetive so I made sure I was placed in a group that I would win against. I know, I know how bad is that. I hate losing.

On Saturday we went met Jeral's family in Penticton for lunch. We stopped in Kelowna along the way to do a bit of shopping. I needed some new jeans. Don't you just hate how jeans sometimes rub out in between the legs. I sure do. I got a smoking deal so I was able to get two pairs of jeans. And then the best deal ever was in Penticton when my sister in law wanted to go into the Shoe Warehouse to find some shoes and I found a sweet pair of shoes for $15. I am defiantely thankful for that. We had a great time with Jeral's family, and I got to talk with my sister in law about adoption options. My sister in law works for an adoption agency so she will be a valuable resource as Jeral and I start to look into adoption as an option to my fertilty issues. Talking with my sister in law was probably the highlight of my weekend.

Then on Sunday we drove to Kamloops for a later supper with my mom, sister and her husband. I also go to to have coffee with a friend while we were there and that was fun. This Thanks Giving was the first family meal that we have had since my sister got married, and it was a first for my mom to have both her daughters married. Last year at this time I was engaged and Jocelyn and Chris were still dating. So this year has been big for my mom with two weddings. I am sure that she is thankful that there are no more weddings in her future.

I have much to be thankful for this Thanks Giving. I have a wonderful loveing husband who adores me and I adore him. I am blessed great friends where we live who love and support us. My family and extended family. A safe vehicle to drive back and forth between Abbotsford and here. I am blessed with an amazing woman who is my counsellor. I have much to be thanksful for. My list could go on and on.

While I have much to be grateful for I also spent sometime this weekend grieving. As Jeral and I drove home yesterday from my mom's house, he made a very interesting comment. Jeral asked if my mom has always gotten upset with me when I would goof around a bit and yet not get mad at my sister for acting the same way? I looked at him and said sadly yes. As I said that I once again had to grieve the fact the the family and more importantly the mother I have desired to have is not and most likey will not be. As I processed that lose I was reminded of what I have been given in its place, and for the friends I have been given who have much wisdom and knowledge I am truly grateful for.

Anyways I hope that you have all had a great Thanksgiving.

Lyrics "Swimming In Your Ocean"

Swimming in your ocean by CRASH TEST DUMMIES

When I'm sampling from your bosom
Sometimes I suffer from distractions like
Why does God cause things like tornadoes and train wrecks?

When I'm swimming in
When I'm swimming in your ocean
Floating aloft on creams
And scented lotions
I can get pretty side-tracked
I hope you'll understand

When I kneel before you bounty
Sometimes I wonder if there could be really
Ufo's that come from other planets

And when you let me taste your fingers
I take them like fruit and as I linger I
Wonder if my seed will find purchase in your soil...

Dreaming

I recently sent an email to a friend saying that I had finally listened to a song she had sent the lyrics of to me. The song is entitled "Swimming in Your Ocean" by the Crash Test Dummies. The song was her prayer for Jeral and I that we might conceive and that Jeral's seed would find purchase in my soil. It is a great song. As Jeral and I are on this journey together I found myself not wanting to dream to much about the future with children of our own, because I was afraid that if I did and I did not get pregnant then I would hurt and I some how thought that since I had surrendered my desire to God dreaming and having my heart hurt meant that I really had not given over everything to my Heavenly DADA. Some how if I started dreaming and in the end I got hurt it meant that I really had not trusted Jesus, or that I did not have His peace.

My friend in reply to my simple email telling her I had listened to the song was to not give up DREAMING. So as I sat and pondered this and other promises I know Jesus has made to me I was reminded that just because I have peace knowing Jesus knows best, does not mean sometimes things won't hurt. And just because my heart hurts does not mean that I am trusting Jesus any less. I have really struggled with that the last few days. The reality is that in the midst of our struggles and our hurts we can have peace because Jesus is right here with us, hurting with us, and holding us in the midst of it. It doesn't make the pain hurt any less, and Jesus isn't going to take it away. Instead He chooses to be with us. Having Jesus remind me of this in some ways gave me the hope to dream again. So much so that I sat down and wrote a letter to a woman who means a lot to me, thanking her for blessing me and asking her for permission to name a daughter after her. I will only giver her this letter if I do get pregnant. However it was one step of dreaming and pondering.

Jeral and I have no clue what the future will hold, however we do know that we are not going to be walking the journey alone. We have eachother, and we have our Heavenly DADA!