Round Two

So the drugs that I was put on to help me get pregnant did not work, so we are onto round two. I'll be honest. I am a little tired of grieving every month the fact that I am not pregnant. I would rather finally grieve it once and for all and adopt. However my husband is not there yet so the grieving continues. I am finding that with each month the grieving process takes longer and is taking more of a toll on me. It could be the added effects of the medications I am on. Pumping all these extra hormones into ones body cannot be good on an on going basis.

I was supposed to see my specialist a little over a week ago, and unfortunately he cancelled all of his appointments that day. I was a little irked because a friend had switched appointments with me so I could see my Dr. sooner than the end of November. Now I as it stands I will not see him until the end of November. Luckily my regular GP is amazing and rather helpful with this whole PCOS stuff and when I saw her this week she wrote the prescriptions I needed and said "Leanne we will find a way to get you pregnant!" I am not holding my breath anymore on that one. It is not that I have given up on God and His ability. I have definitely not done that. I have given up on my ability. I honestly feel as though I cannot go through one more month of not getting pregnant, only to end up pumping my body full of more hormones to see if the next month is the month it finally works. I just wish my husband was on the same page as me and ready to say lets get the adoption process going. However that is not the case, and as I grieve that and tell Jesus I cannot do this again and again indefinitely He gently reminds me that He is with me and when I cannot go on or do this again, HE CAN!!!!!! Knowing that Jesus CAN does not change how much it hurts, or how much my heart aches over an empty womb. Knowing that Jesus CAN reminds me that I am not alone, even if sometimes I want to be. So onto ROUND TWO!