Dreaming

I recently sent an email to a friend saying that I had finally listened to a song she had sent the lyrics of to me. The song is entitled "Swimming in Your Ocean" by the Crash Test Dummies. The song was her prayer for Jeral and I that we might conceive and that Jeral's seed would find purchase in my soil. It is a great song. As Jeral and I are on this journey together I found myself not wanting to dream to much about the future with children of our own, because I was afraid that if I did and I did not get pregnant then I would hurt and I some how thought that since I had surrendered my desire to God dreaming and having my heart hurt meant that I really had not given over everything to my Heavenly DADA. Some how if I started dreaming and in the end I got hurt it meant that I really had not trusted Jesus, or that I did not have His peace.

My friend in reply to my simple email telling her I had listened to the song was to not give up DREAMING. So as I sat and pondered this and other promises I know Jesus has made to me I was reminded that just because I have peace knowing Jesus knows best, does not mean sometimes things won't hurt. And just because my heart hurts does not mean that I am trusting Jesus any less. I have really struggled with that the last few days. The reality is that in the midst of our struggles and our hurts we can have peace because Jesus is right here with us, hurting with us, and holding us in the midst of it. It doesn't make the pain hurt any less, and Jesus isn't going to take it away. Instead He chooses to be with us. Having Jesus remind me of this in some ways gave me the hope to dream again. So much so that I sat down and wrote a letter to a woman who means a lot to me, thanking her for blessing me and asking her for permission to name a daughter after her. I will only giver her this letter if I do get pregnant. However it was one step of dreaming and pondering.

Jeral and I have no clue what the future will hold, however we do know that we are not going to be walking the journey alone. We have eachother, and we have our Heavenly DADA!