Being Held Safe

A few months ago I wrote a post called "BEING CARRIED", well it would seem that Jesus has me back at this place again. This time though it is "BEING HELD". When someone is being carried it is often because he or she cannot physically walk and thus they need someone to carry them. For example back in 1998 I was working at Gardom Lake Bible Camp and we were playing pool noodle tag. I was running around and all of a sudden I saw this kid flying in the air coming right at me and I was face with a choice. I could keep running and hurt the kid or I could jump and maybe miss the kid. Well I jumped and still hit the kid. When we landed my ankle was on the bottom, the kid was on my ankle, and I was on top. There was a loud snap and I was in pain. I had snapped my ankle in half and because the boy was on top on me I had to flip back over I set my ankle back into place, so we had no clue as to the fact that my ankle was broken. We thought it was a bad sprain. That day two very strong men carried me around the camp by making a human chair with their arms. I physically could not walk and I had to let them carry me if I wanted to go anywhere. A few days later I had to let my bosses wife push me a round in a wheel chair. Needless to say she enjoyed that fact.



As much as allowing someone to carry me was a very humbling and vulnerable thing. Being Held though is a very different thing. I think it is even more humbling. Being held is a choice that we make. We can choose to let someone hold us and comfort us or we can say no keep your distance come no closer. When I broke my ankle I knew that I could not walk on my own. I had to let them carry me as much as I was not happy about the idea. However being held is something totally different. When I let someone hold me I am letting them into my inner personal space. I am in some ways admitting that I need something more than I am capable of doing or giving to myself. I cannot hold myself when I am in pain and hurting. If you watch TV you guys all know the scenes that I am talking about. Someone is mad and yelling, or they are fighting to not feel the emotional pain they are really feeling and then the next thing you know someone is holding them and they are a ball of tears. For some reason when we allow someone to hold us that last line of defence drops and whoever it may be that is holding us see us the most vulnerable we have ever been and they get into the inner circle.

I honestly thought I was safe from that ever happening. I mean after all outside of my husband who would offer to hold and overweight 28 year old woman? I am very selective with who I allow into my personal space. So when someone asked to hold me a week and a bit ago I said heck no. I have enjoyed knowing that my last line of defence was firmly intact and nothing was going to bring it down. Until someone wanted to hold me safely in her arms. Outside of my husband I have never felt safe enough to let someone that close. Being held as a child never was a safe thing, so I guess that this is a part of my healing journey. Allowing those whom God places in my life as safe people to hold me, because when we are all being held by God that is the safest place we could be.

I still have a long journey ahead of me in regards to this whole being held thing. Not sure about and yet I know this is a key part of the process.