Some Distant Day

"I WANT TO BEG YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN... TO BE PATIENT TOWARDS ALL THAT IS UNSOLVED IN YOUR HEART AND TO TRY TO LOVE ALL QUESTIONS THEMSELVES.... DO NOT NOW SEEK ANSWERS WHICH CANNOT BE GIVEN YOU BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE THEM. AND THE POINT IS TO LIVE EVERYTHING. LIVE THE QUESTIONS NOW. PERHAPS YOU WILL THEN GRADUALLY WITHOUT NOTICING IT, LIVE ALONG SOME DISTANT DAY INTO THE ANSWER... TAKE WHAT EVER COMES WITH GREAT TRUST, AND IF IT ONLY COMES OUT OF YOUR WILL, OUT OF SOME NEED OF YOUR INNER MOST BEING, TAKE IT UPON YOUR SELF AND HATE NOTHING." (RAINER MARIA RILKE)

This quote was in a book I read during the silent retreat that I attend this past weekend. I don't know about you, however for me I have a lot of questions, and a lot of things I just don't understand, and well I want answers. So something struck a cord in me when I read this. It may have something to do with Joy saying to me earlier in the week that a 4 year old would not be asking the questions I was asking, a 4 year old would just feel. I guess as I have journeyed the last year and a bit towards healing the deep wounds of the past I have just wanted the answer to the questions I have and I want the answers quickly. However sometimes the answers just don't come that quickly, so the thought of one day living into the answers is both a discouraging and exciting thought. Discouraging because I just want all the answers now, and exciting that when I least expect it I will have an ahhh moment and understand something.

And as I write this I am also realizing that I may never get the answers to some of the tough questions I have until I get to heaven and gaze into the eyes of Jesus, and in that moment none of the questions I have will really matter because I am with Him. So then maybe the point of counselling and inner healing isn't to find out all the answers as to why. Instead the point is to learn to live. Live fully! Which also means learning to feel fully(Oiy if Joy only heard me say that I might be hooped in my next session). And this is a journey then that will take the rest of my life. Now that is a long time indeed! At least I hope it is a long time, into some distant day!!!!!