So hmmmm life! Our life feels like a bit of a whirlwind. We have been busy with stuff on the farm. The warm weather means we have to keep and eye on the birds. We ship Monday night! Yeah for getting rid of the birds for a few weeks!
My sister is here for a few days hanging out. Jeral and I are in our glory having our little nephew Tyson here. Lots of cuddles and snuggles! She is going back to Kamloops on Tuesday, and I am heading to Abbotsford.
Well I am heading to Abbotsford after Jeral and I got to Kelowna for a meeting with the doctors at the fertlity clinic. We both have had a bunch of tests done and we will find out what the results are and what if any future steps we can take to aid us in growing our family. Basically we are going there to hear the specialist out, to see if we have any chance of conceiving biologically, and to what extent we would have to take it to try. So you guys can pray for us as we hear what they have to say to us and then we make our decision.
After our appointment I will head straight to Abbotsford and then I come home on Wednesday. And we have planned a weekend get away to Canmore this coming weekend! Year for getting away for a few days on the motor bike! Jeral informed that he and I are going to go to the new Harley store in Kelowna and finally get me all geared up with the proper riding gear! Expensive and yet well worth it! Plus I like shopping!
On the adoption front things are going well. Nothing new to report, until I guess after June 11th when we have our last home study visit. Just working on our profile and so on so that when we get the go ahead everything is ready to be shown!
Once we get into the second half of June things will slow down a bit. We enjoy the busy times and we also enjoy the slower times. Life is good, we are learning lots and growing lots and enjoying all the God is teaching us.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Home Studies # 3 & 4
So just a quick up date! Thursday we meet with the social worker for our individual interviews, and as usual things went very well. As the meetings progress and we keep hearing positive comments we are getting more and more excited for this journey.
We have one more meeting left in about three weeks time when the social worker will come to our home and check things over. She said she was excited to come and see a full out chicken farm! She also made us promise that we are not going to go over the top with cleaning. Thus I am not going. I love that she is more concerned with us being able to physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally parent our future children, than whether or not my house is spotlessly clean.
We have put together a short profile, that is actually being shown right now. And now we are putting together our longer profile.
This journey to date has been filed with so many ups and downs, and yet we know that this is the journey God has for us. I am looking forward to the day that I am holding my precious child in my arms! In the mean time we will keep praying, reading and hoping!
Well that is all for now I am heading to Vernon to have coffee with a friend and get a canvas to do some painting!
We have one more meeting left in about three weeks time when the social worker will come to our home and check things over. She said she was excited to come and see a full out chicken farm! She also made us promise that we are not going to go over the top with cleaning. Thus I am not going. I love that she is more concerned with us being able to physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally parent our future children, than whether or not my house is spotlessly clean.
We have put together a short profile, that is actually being shown right now. And now we are putting together our longer profile.
This journey to date has been filed with so many ups and downs, and yet we know that this is the journey God has for us. I am looking forward to the day that I am holding my precious child in my arms! In the mean time we will keep praying, reading and hoping!
Well that is all for now I am heading to Vernon to have coffee with a friend and get a canvas to do some painting!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Judging a Book by Its Cover
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3qvCJNSwSM
Click on the above link ad find out why we should never ever judge a book by it's cover. I have watched this over and over and over, and everytime I get goose bumps.
Click on the above link ad find out why we should never ever judge a book by it's cover. I have watched this over and over and over, and everytime I get goose bumps.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thoughts on Suffering
My sister in law and I were sharing some thoughts on suffering via emails, and I thought I would like to share what I wrote her with all of you! I know that I have written something similar in the past however as I learn and grow my thoughts are forming a bit better!
Just a side note and yet an important note. I am on a journey with God and a part of that journey is learning to embrace God as both father and mother, masculin and feminine, as as such I through out the email refer to God as PapaMamma, just incase any of you are wondering and confused!
So below is the email I sent my sister.
Joy and I have talked about the idea that we are unable to avoid pain, yet suffering is optional. Often we heap on extra pain in the form of suffering because of what we believe. A few months back I hit I think my lowest point in the infertility journey - and I can honestly say that I know my distorted beliefs about myself caused more suffering than needed. Instead of curling up in the arms of PapaMamma and telling him how much I hurt, I went down the path of one distorted thought after another. The infertility journey is not what is causing these distorted beliefs, it just is bringing these long held false and painful beliefs to the surface. The less painful path would have been to allow PapaMamma to hold me as I face the pain that is really there, instead of heaping on extra pain and suffering.
Sometimes the false belief that we can fix what is wrong also brings on more pain. It stems from the human need for control. I have also heaped on the suffering by believing that God must know something I do not know that maybe others can see and that is that I will be a bad mother, so God has caused my infertility, or that maybe I did something so awful that as punishment God made me infertile. None of these beliefs are true, and yet they are the cause of greater suffering. So I would agree that the cause of greater pain and suffering revolves around the beliefs/thoughts we put onto the events and circumstances we are experiencing.
Pain is inevitable to say otherwise would negate the pain of loss, the death of a loved one, infertility, divorce, being abused etc. However suffering is optional. I do believe though that the only way to come to a place of being able to sit with the pain and not heap suffering onto it is by facing the thoughts and beliefs we hold, and sometimes the only way for that to happen is to go through a painful experience. Not that God is creating these painful experiences so God can speak truth and bring healing. God chooses to use what we allow God to use. I still have the choice to allow God to speak truth to the distorted beliefs, or to walk away and continue to heap on the suffering.
As much as the infertility journey sucks I am grateful that I have had the chance to bring to PapaMamma some very deeply held untruths, so that PapaMamma can speak truth to them. And even though I have more to look at I am in a much better place of admit this journey hurts without heaping on the suffering! Ahh the freedom to curl up and cry in the arms of God without the need to fix it so I will be acceptable to God!
Sorry this was so long - I shared all of this with you in a personal way in the hopes that one day you will be able to pass this onto your clients. As much as I pray that no woman or couple has to go through what we are facing the reality is you will most likely have clients struggling with this, and if our journey can help others then that is the greatest gift outside of a child I could ever have!
Just a side note and yet an important note. I am on a journey with God and a part of that journey is learning to embrace God as both father and mother, masculin and feminine, as as such I through out the email refer to God as PapaMamma, just incase any of you are wondering and confused!
So below is the email I sent my sister.
Joy and I have talked about the idea that we are unable to avoid pain, yet suffering is optional. Often we heap on extra pain in the form of suffering because of what we believe. A few months back I hit I think my lowest point in the infertility journey - and I can honestly say that I know my distorted beliefs about myself caused more suffering than needed. Instead of curling up in the arms of PapaMamma and telling him how much I hurt, I went down the path of one distorted thought after another. The infertility journey is not what is causing these distorted beliefs, it just is bringing these long held false and painful beliefs to the surface. The less painful path would have been to allow PapaMamma to hold me as I face the pain that is really there, instead of heaping on extra pain and suffering.
Sometimes the false belief that we can fix what is wrong also brings on more pain. It stems from the human need for control. I have also heaped on the suffering by believing that God must know something I do not know that maybe others can see and that is that I will be a bad mother, so God has caused my infertility, or that maybe I did something so awful that as punishment God made me infertile. None of these beliefs are true, and yet they are the cause of greater suffering. So I would agree that the cause of greater pain and suffering revolves around the beliefs/thoughts we put onto the events and circumstances we are experiencing.
Pain is inevitable to say otherwise would negate the pain of loss, the death of a loved one, infertility, divorce, being abused etc. However suffering is optional. I do believe though that the only way to come to a place of being able to sit with the pain and not heap suffering onto it is by facing the thoughts and beliefs we hold, and sometimes the only way for that to happen is to go through a painful experience. Not that God is creating these painful experiences so God can speak truth and bring healing. God chooses to use what we allow God to use. I still have the choice to allow God to speak truth to the distorted beliefs, or to walk away and continue to heap on the suffering.
As much as the infertility journey sucks I am grateful that I have had the chance to bring to PapaMamma some very deeply held untruths, so that PapaMamma can speak truth to them. And even though I have more to look at I am in a much better place of admit this journey hurts without heaping on the suffering! Ahh the freedom to curl up and cry in the arms of God without the need to fix it so I will be acceptable to God!
Sorry this was so long - I shared all of this with you in a personal way in the hopes that one day you will be able to pass this onto your clients. As much as I pray that no woman or couple has to go through what we are facing the reality is you will most likely have clients struggling with this, and if our journey can help others then that is the greatest gift outside of a child I could ever have!
Monday, May 11, 2009
My Prayer
Yesterday was Mother's Day, and despite being in a good place about the fertility journey lately I still had a rough day. As I was sitting in church with my sister and her family, I fought back the tears. As I felt the anger with in me beginning to rise, I took the time to breathe and tell God how much my arms being empty hurt. I use anger as a mask and I was determined not to let anger drive a wedge between me and God. So after I told God how much my heart hurt, I asked God to one day allow me to comfort other women who have to walk this painful journey, in the same way that God has comforted me. My pain and hurt has not been taken away - however I know that I have someone I can go to with my tears, and hopefully I will be able to be a safe place for other women.
For those who are comforted much, they will be able to comfort others!
For those who are comforted much, they will be able to comfort others!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Confessions of a food addict!
I am a food addict. I use food to stuff my feelings or to cope with tough times. I chose a socially acceptable addiction in Christian circles. As a Christian if I would have chosen alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, smoking I would have early in life been labelled as a problem child. So I chose food, and I choose the direction that meant I gained weight. My little sister chose to to restrict her food intake and I choose to go all out!
About 10 months ago I began to embark on a journey of getting physically healthy. I have been working on the emotional, mental, and spiritual aspect for the past 2 and a half years. The journey to get healthy started off easy, however as time has gone on continuing to choose to be healthy has been very difficult. When food is how one copes, and finds comfort giving that up can be very hard. It is very hard. Some days I just want a big bag of Miss Vicki's Sea Salt and Vinegar Chips and a big bottle of coke! And to be honest there are days that what I want wins out over what I know is best for me. My last post was about how I was going to stay away from Coke and sugar, or at least try. Try I did and that lasted about a week, before I caved. So to compensate for my food addiction I feel the need to over exercise, and God called me on it today. I think the warning sign should have been when I could barely walk on Monday from the pain in my hips from pushing it too much! I did take yesterday off and today only ran half the distance I have been running!
Balance is that I need to find, and I need to find healthy ways to calm my self instead of food. Oiy! All in process and all takes time.
About 10 months ago I began to embark on a journey of getting physically healthy. I have been working on the emotional, mental, and spiritual aspect for the past 2 and a half years. The journey to get healthy started off easy, however as time has gone on continuing to choose to be healthy has been very difficult. When food is how one copes, and finds comfort giving that up can be very hard. It is very hard. Some days I just want a big bag of Miss Vicki's Sea Salt and Vinegar Chips and a big bottle of coke! And to be honest there are days that what I want wins out over what I know is best for me. My last post was about how I was going to stay away from Coke and sugar, or at least try. Try I did and that lasted about a week, before I caved. So to compensate for my food addiction I feel the need to over exercise, and God called me on it today. I think the warning sign should have been when I could barely walk on Monday from the pain in my hips from pushing it too much! I did take yesterday off and today only ran half the distance I have been running!
Balance is that I need to find, and I need to find healthy ways to calm my self instead of food. Oiy! All in process and all takes time.
Friday, May 1, 2009
So after taking two months off from actively trying to conceive we have decided to give trying a few more months. We have been referred to a fertility clinic in Kelowna. Up until recently I was not in favor of the fertility clinic simply because I do not want my adopted babies to ever feel that they were our last choice/last option. We still have to decided how far we will take the fertility treatment stuff.
With us giving the fertility drugs a few more months I have decided to cut all sugar out, and that means no more pop. I love drinking Coke. Ummmmmmm the fizz and the caffeine. However sugar and PCOS are not a good combination so pop is out. And I am back to working out 2 hours a day. I love the nice weather that we are having because I can go running outside. Today I decided to walk into town and buy some groceries and then walk back home. I must say that the back pack was heavy, and as I was walking I was thinking that I used to carry all that extra weight around daily. I am more determined than ever to not go back to being 264 plus pounds.
I am not sure how all of this is going to effect me emotionally in the months to come. Fertility drugs tend mess with my hormones. I am in a really great place right now in regards to the fertility journey and do not want to spiral again. So we will see. I think the hardest part will be the two week waiting period. Oh well I know that God will hold me and us during the wait, and then during the let down.
Well that is all for now!
With us giving the fertility drugs a few more months I have decided to cut all sugar out, and that means no more pop. I love drinking Coke. Ummmmmmm the fizz and the caffeine. However sugar and PCOS are not a good combination so pop is out. And I am back to working out 2 hours a day. I love the nice weather that we are having because I can go running outside. Today I decided to walk into town and buy some groceries and then walk back home. I must say that the back pack was heavy, and as I was walking I was thinking that I used to carry all that extra weight around daily. I am more determined than ever to not go back to being 264 plus pounds.
I am not sure how all of this is going to effect me emotionally in the months to come. Fertility drugs tend mess with my hormones. I am in a really great place right now in regards to the fertility journey and do not want to spiral again. So we will see. I think the hardest part will be the two week waiting period. Oh well I know that God will hold me and us during the wait, and then during the let down.
Well that is all for now!
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