Thoughts on Suffering

My sister in law and I were sharing some thoughts on suffering via emails, and I thought I would like to share what I wrote her with all of you! I know that I have written something similar in the past however as I learn and grow my thoughts are forming a bit better!

Just a side note and yet an important note. I am on a journey with God and a part of that journey is learning to embrace God as both father and mother, masculin and feminine, as as such I through out the email refer to God as PapaMamma, just incase any of you are wondering and confused!

So below is the email I sent my sister.

Joy and I have talked about the idea that we are unable to avoid pain, yet suffering is optional. Often we heap on extra pain in the form of suffering because of what we believe. A few months back I hit I think my lowest point in the infertility journey - and I can honestly say that I know my distorted beliefs about myself caused more suffering than needed. Instead of curling up in the arms of PapaMamma and telling him how much I hurt, I went down the path of one distorted thought after another. The infertility journey is not what is causing these distorted beliefs, it just is bringing these long held false and painful beliefs to the surface. The less painful path would have been to allow PapaMamma to hold me as I face the pain that is really there, instead of heaping on extra pain and suffering.

Sometimes the false belief that we can fix what is wrong also brings on more pain. It stems from the human need for control. I have also heaped on the suffering by believing that God must know something I do not know that maybe others can see and that is that I will be a bad mother, so God has caused my infertility, or that maybe I did something so awful that as punishment God made me infertile. None of these beliefs are true, and yet they are the cause of greater suffering. So I would agree that the cause of greater pain and suffering revolves around the beliefs/thoughts we put onto the events and circumstances we are experiencing.

Pain is inevitable to say otherwise would negate the pain of loss, the death of a loved one, infertility, divorce, being abused etc. However suffering is optional. I do believe though that the only way to come to a place of being able to sit with the pain and not heap suffering onto it is by facing the thoughts and beliefs we hold, and sometimes the only way for that to happen is to go through a painful experience. Not that God is creating these painful experiences so God can speak truth and bring healing. God chooses to use what we allow God to use. I still have the choice to allow God to speak truth to the distorted beliefs, or to walk away and continue to heap on the suffering.

As much as the infertility journey sucks I am grateful that I have had the chance to bring to PapaMamma some very deeply held untruths, so that PapaMamma can speak truth to them. And even though I have more to look at I am in a much better place of admit this journey hurts without heaping on the suffering! Ahh the freedom to curl up and cry in the arms of God without the need to fix it so I will be acceptable to God!

Sorry this was so long - I shared all of this with you in a personal way in the hopes that one day you will be able to pass this onto your clients. As much as I pray that no woman or couple has to go through what we are facing the reality is you will most likely have clients struggling with this, and if our journey can help others then that is the greatest gift outside of a child I could ever have!