Okay, so everytime I go down and see my counsellor Joy, Jesus always has something to say and this time it was that I use Television as a distraction to either take my mind off of what I know I need to be doing, so to numb how I am feeling so I do not have to deal with it. So guess what? The television is gone, well not physically. I cannot just throw the TV out without talking to my husband, and oh there is the slight little fact that the TV is his parents. SO the TV is in the house. However I am not allowed to turn the TV on and during the day there is absoulutely no TV. I am a little sad about missing some of my favorite TV shows. However I know that the benefits will out weigh any pleasure I get out of the TV.
Now normally Jesus does not give me time lines. However this time He did. A month, if I could do this for a month I'd finally get over the mountain I feel as though I am trying to climb in counselling. So okay I will do this day by day, and hopefully I will last a month. I did ask Jesus about the Super Bowl though. I have been looking forward to this for a long time now. My fav team has a chance of going undefeated this year. Go Patriots! So since Sunday is my day of rest from all this healing homework, as long as Jeral or someone else turns on the tv I can watch. Yeah for that!
So what else is going on. Not to much. As I said above see Joy always brings up stuff, and I am thankful that she is walking this through with me as I sort this all out. I must say that the roads this time were crazy and I was not impressed with driving them. However I did choose to drive down there when I could hav cancelled the appointments and stayed home.
My sister has been coming up to visit while her husband is going to school here and staying with us. Let me just say that yes I do love my sister and YES I tend to go crazy when she is around. Only one more week though and then Jeral and I have our house back to ourselves. Yeah!!! As much as I enjoy sharing our house I also like having it to ourselves.
Well I am off to catch some sleep I hope. Blessings to all!!!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Quick Update
So this will be short since I am in between sessions at camp. Jeral and i had a great time on our little get away to Victoria last week. I love just getting away. It was also great to see family and friends on our way out there.
So here is the short version of what we did. Celebrated my birthday with Jeral's sister's family, since it was also our niece's birthday that day also. So fun !!! The next day we talked with Lisa about adoption, and the whole process. I know that a few blogs back I said that we were giving God a year to do what He needs to do in both of our lives. And we still are. The adoption process take time and lots of thought and looking for the right agency to go with. It is not something that we can just decide to do and then boom it is done, so we both after praying about it do not feel that we are taking matters back out of God's hands by looking into adoption and gather information. In fact we feel that looking into adoption now while we are not trying to get pregnant is the best possible thing to do because we do not have all the extra emotions going on with trying and then not being pregnant. Just in case any of you are wondering.
We spent three great days in Victoria. So fun and we stayed at an amazing place. Good thing we have points to use!!!!! It was nice just to be with Jeral and to relax. Nothing that had to be done, no distractions. I wasn't even allowed to bring the laptop so I would not be distracted by emails and so on.
Once we got home we came home to a very sick and in pain dog. So yesterday we had to have one of our dogs put down. I used to mock people who said that their dogs were like family until yesterday. I am so sorry for ever mocking or thing that they were crazy. I cried my eyes out in front of the vet as I held Gap in my arms. I know that putting him down was the right thing to do, He couldn't walk anymore and he was in such bad pain. I miss him though, and did I ever wish he would wake up and jump up and lick me yesterday. At least we still have one More dog!
So that is it for the short update!
So here is the short version of what we did. Celebrated my birthday with Jeral's sister's family, since it was also our niece's birthday that day also. So fun !!! The next day we talked with Lisa about adoption, and the whole process. I know that a few blogs back I said that we were giving God a year to do what He needs to do in both of our lives. And we still are. The adoption process take time and lots of thought and looking for the right agency to go with. It is not something that we can just decide to do and then boom it is done, so we both after praying about it do not feel that we are taking matters back out of God's hands by looking into adoption and gather information. In fact we feel that looking into adoption now while we are not trying to get pregnant is the best possible thing to do because we do not have all the extra emotions going on with trying and then not being pregnant. Just in case any of you are wondering.
We spent three great days in Victoria. So fun and we stayed at an amazing place. Good thing we have points to use!!!!! It was nice just to be with Jeral and to relax. Nothing that had to be done, no distractions. I wasn't even allowed to bring the laptop so I would not be distracted by emails and so on.
Once we got home we came home to a very sick and in pain dog. So yesterday we had to have one of our dogs put down. I used to mock people who said that their dogs were like family until yesterday. I am so sorry for ever mocking or thing that they were crazy. I cried my eyes out in front of the vet as I held Gap in my arms. I know that putting him down was the right thing to do, He couldn't walk anymore and he was in such bad pain. I miss him though, and did I ever wish he would wake up and jump up and lick me yesterday. At least we still have one More dog!
So that is it for the short update!
Monday, January 14, 2008
So I have got a Cold!
So I have got a cold, and tomorrow we are leaving for a late anniversary get away! Oiy! I got sick on our honeymoon a little over a year, and now just as we are about to leave on a little get away I am sick again. Oh well nothing a little buckley's cannot handle.
So now that I have stopped complaining, we are leaving tomorrow for Abbotsford, Vancouver and Victoria. I am excited about Victoria. We are staying at a nice hotel in a beautiful room over looking the sea. Abbotsford will be nice just one night and then the next day on my birthday I have to sessions with Joy my counsellor. What a birthday gift huh!?! Actually as much as I have complained about it, getting to see Joy is a gift, because she is a wonderful woman, whom I respect very much, and there are many people in this world who cannot afford counselling and I feel very blessed that I can see Joy, so if the day I see her just happens to be on my birthday then so be it! I just hope she and Jesus take it easy on me.
I am also looking forward to Vancouver. My niece and I share the same birthday, so we are going to be spending that time with them. So exciting. I love having nieces and nephews. Normally we are hear spending my birthday on the 16th with my other niece on the 17th, so this year we getting to be with my other niece. And we are also going to be talking about adoption with my sister - in - law. So today is a busy day getting ready for the trip and also taking a bit of a break to get my haircut this afternoon.
Well for now I have taken enough of a break. I need to get back to packing and laundry. The next post will be after I am back!
So now that I have stopped complaining, we are leaving tomorrow for Abbotsford, Vancouver and Victoria. I am excited about Victoria. We are staying at a nice hotel in a beautiful room over looking the sea. Abbotsford will be nice just one night and then the next day on my birthday I have to sessions with Joy my counsellor. What a birthday gift huh!?! Actually as much as I have complained about it, getting to see Joy is a gift, because she is a wonderful woman, whom I respect very much, and there are many people in this world who cannot afford counselling and I feel very blessed that I can see Joy, so if the day I see her just happens to be on my birthday then so be it! I just hope she and Jesus take it easy on me.
I am also looking forward to Vancouver. My niece and I share the same birthday, so we are going to be spending that time with them. So exciting. I love having nieces and nephews. Normally we are hear spending my birthday on the 16th with my other niece on the 17th, so this year we getting to be with my other niece. And we are also going to be talking about adoption with my sister - in - law. So today is a busy day getting ready for the trip and also taking a bit of a break to get my haircut this afternoon.
Well for now I have taken enough of a break. I need to get back to packing and laundry. The next post will be after I am back!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Another Late Night!
I guess that I have been sleeping in too much because when it comes to going to bed at night I sure do have trouble with it. So tonight I decided since I was not tired I would take a longer look at some of the adoption agency websites in BC. When we go to Abbotsford, Vancouver, and Victoria this next week we will be spending some time with his sister's family and she is a social worker who works for an adoption agency. The plan is to talk with her about adoption and the process and what it all entails. We feel that we need to have as much information as possible. I am ready to make this decision and get the process started. However, Jeral needs to take his time in making major decisions, so gathering all the information we can right now is the way to go.
I'll be honest it breaks my heart some days when Jeral and I are sitting and talking or watching a football game and Jeral sees a pregnant woman, or a little baby and he says "hopefully soon that will be us." Jesus asked us for a year, and I am trying so hard to give Him that year, and put out of my mind and heart the desire to carry a child within me and to be a mom. We both knew before we were married that conceiving a biological child may be hard, or impossible. Actually someone asked Jeral if he wanted to give up the opportunity to be a biological father, to be with me. When I found out I was crushed, and then I asked Jeral what is answer was, and told him that if he wanted to wait until the specialist gave his answer then he may as well dump me that night. Obviously he mad his choice. He married me, and some days I wonder if he made the right choice. I know this may sound so foolish. I am just being honest.
Even though I know God is in this with us and He is here holding us, I just want to look Jesus in the eyes and shout "Do you know what you are doing?" And I know for a fact that Jesus would not give the typical cliche, or Sunday school answer that so many people tend to give because they are uncomfortable. A friend a few months ago, just before two other friends prayed for me and my womb, said "God is not going to mess with you, and He is not going to mess this up, and He is okay with how you feel." This is what I cling to some days. Really and truly all that is messed up is my plans. I cannot see the future or what it may hold, or what I may one day hold with in me, or in my arms. So if my plans get messed up for a great purpose than so be it. In the mean time I am just thankful for a husband who loves me despite his disappointment, and a loving Heavenly Father who is okay with all my questions, hurts, feelings, and tears. Thanks DADA!
I'll be honest it breaks my heart some days when Jeral and I are sitting and talking or watching a football game and Jeral sees a pregnant woman, or a little baby and he says "hopefully soon that will be us." Jesus asked us for a year, and I am trying so hard to give Him that year, and put out of my mind and heart the desire to carry a child within me and to be a mom. We both knew before we were married that conceiving a biological child may be hard, or impossible. Actually someone asked Jeral if he wanted to give up the opportunity to be a biological father, to be with me. When I found out I was crushed, and then I asked Jeral what is answer was, and told him that if he wanted to wait until the specialist gave his answer then he may as well dump me that night. Obviously he mad his choice. He married me, and some days I wonder if he made the right choice. I know this may sound so foolish. I am just being honest.
Even though I know God is in this with us and He is here holding us, I just want to look Jesus in the eyes and shout "Do you know what you are doing?" And I know for a fact that Jesus would not give the typical cliche, or Sunday school answer that so many people tend to give because they are uncomfortable. A friend a few months ago, just before two other friends prayed for me and my womb, said "God is not going to mess with you, and He is not going to mess this up, and He is okay with how you feel." This is what I cling to some days. Really and truly all that is messed up is my plans. I cannot see the future or what it may hold, or what I may one day hold with in me, or in my arms. So if my plans get messed up for a great purpose than so be it. In the mean time I am just thankful for a husband who loves me despite his disappointment, and a loving Heavenly Father who is okay with all my questions, hurts, feelings, and tears. Thanks DADA!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Full House
So this week we have had a full house. My brother in law moved in for the next little while. Which is going great. We have enjoyed this past week with him and to be honest we hardly ever see him. He gets up and leaves for school before we are up and at it for the day. Then he comes home and takes a nap in his room until it is supper time and then he heads back into his room to do home work and goes to bed. However on Wednesday night he did come out and do his homework in the kitchen and then hang out with my friend Misty and I. We were watching Extreme Make Over!
My friend Misty came to spend the week here with family and friends. I have not seen here for a little over a month and I know that really is not a long time. However when you are used to seeing someone every other week it feels like a life time when 5 weeks go by. It has been great catching up with her and just chilling, while staying up way to late. Her husband was taking a course is Kamloops for the week so he joined us tonight. So yeah for two people who tend to enjoying having a huge house all to themselves we have had a good amount of people here.
My 29th birthday is coming up soon and Jeral spent some time in Kelowna on Wednesday purchasing/ordering my gift. Well I have been doing everything I can think of to find out what it is. Short of snooping super hard to find the receipt of sale. He did come home with a bag from the jewelry store in Enderby for me today. However the box was wrapped so I would have to do something devious such as slice the tape to unwrap the box and then re-warp the box so Jeral would never know. I tend to like spoiling surprises, and find half the fun of finding out my gifts ahead of time is the challenge of finding out. I did make a promise though and that was to leave well enough alone until my birthday. This will be a challenge!!!
So in has been a month since we decided to stop trying to get pregnant. I'll be honest, so day I wonder if we made the right decision and then I take a moment to breathe and to remember how I felt when I was pumping my body full of hormones and then say "Yep we made the right decisions for now." And I know it is a decision blessed by God and desired by Him too. I am actually beginning to feel as though I am normal again and not such an emotional train wreck. Not that there is anything wrong with being emotional. I was just all over the map and feeling as though I was in a very dark place.
Since stopping the fertility drugs and deciding to spend some time getting not just emotionally healthy, but physically healthy too, so wonderful and amazing things have happened. I have started to loose a bit of weight. It is not falling off left right and centre and yet to loose even 6 pounds over Christmas is a miracle! Secondly for the first time in years I cycled naturally without the assistance of drugs to force it. I seriously almost started to dancing and shouting for joy in the restaurant restroom I was in when it started. For those of you who cycle naturally all the time and view it as a curse trust me when I say for a woman such as myself I am beginning to view a natural and regular cycle as a blessing and really hope that this continues to be the pattern and blessing in my life.
So now that I have been up way to late from and inability to sleep I am heading off to bed for a few short hours of rest before I go babysit this morning.
My friend Misty came to spend the week here with family and friends. I have not seen here for a little over a month and I know that really is not a long time. However when you are used to seeing someone every other week it feels like a life time when 5 weeks go by. It has been great catching up with her and just chilling, while staying up way to late. Her husband was taking a course is Kamloops for the week so he joined us tonight. So yeah for two people who tend to enjoying having a huge house all to themselves we have had a good amount of people here.
My 29th birthday is coming up soon and Jeral spent some time in Kelowna on Wednesday purchasing/ordering my gift. Well I have been doing everything I can think of to find out what it is. Short of snooping super hard to find the receipt of sale. He did come home with a bag from the jewelry store in Enderby for me today. However the box was wrapped so I would have to do something devious such as slice the tape to unwrap the box and then re-warp the box so Jeral would never know. I tend to like spoiling surprises, and find half the fun of finding out my gifts ahead of time is the challenge of finding out. I did make a promise though and that was to leave well enough alone until my birthday. This will be a challenge!!!
So in has been a month since we decided to stop trying to get pregnant. I'll be honest, so day I wonder if we made the right decision and then I take a moment to breathe and to remember how I felt when I was pumping my body full of hormones and then say "Yep we made the right decisions for now." And I know it is a decision blessed by God and desired by Him too. I am actually beginning to feel as though I am normal again and not such an emotional train wreck. Not that there is anything wrong with being emotional. I was just all over the map and feeling as though I was in a very dark place.
Since stopping the fertility drugs and deciding to spend some time getting not just emotionally healthy, but physically healthy too, so wonderful and amazing things have happened. I have started to loose a bit of weight. It is not falling off left right and centre and yet to loose even 6 pounds over Christmas is a miracle! Secondly for the first time in years I cycled naturally without the assistance of drugs to force it. I seriously almost started to dancing and shouting for joy in the restaurant restroom I was in when it started. For those of you who cycle naturally all the time and view it as a curse trust me when I say for a woman such as myself I am beginning to view a natural and regular cycle as a blessing and really hope that this continues to be the pattern and blessing in my life.
So now that I have been up way to late from and inability to sleep I am heading off to bed for a few short hours of rest before I go babysit this morning.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Happy New Year And Other Things
Well I was just skimming through and realized I still have written nothing this year. So Happy New Year Everyone.
So what have we been up to. Well on December 29th we had the big Paul's family gathering. We had a good time with family. We were a little disappointed that our cousin's Jinger, Rachel and their baby boy were not there. We all wanted cuddle time with the baby!!!!;) Paul's family Christmas' are always a ton of fun, especially the gift exchange. Oh the lengths we will go to just to get the gift we want. And well I am pretty much a sap. There was a teddy bear up for grabs and well only one of the little kids could get it, and that was Kara. Well when my other little cousin started crying I went to town and got her a teddy bear just because I didn't want to see her sad.
New Years was a blast. Our church headed to Gardom Lake Bible Camp for some fun. Last year at New Years we were in Seattle getting ready to head to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Man where does time go to?
On Sunday December 30th was out 1 year anniversary. We have been married one year. Some days it feels as though we have been married just a few short days and then other days it feels as though we have been married a life time (in a good way). So on Sunday we skipped church. I know how scandalous! We spent the day in Kelowna. I was able to surprise Jeral with a new wedding band. He told me after 6 months of marriage he wanted a white gold band, not the titanium one I got him originally. So his gift was a new wedding band. I was so excited to give it to him. So in the mall I made him open it! I know I am still a little kid when it comes to giving gifts. Also we needed to take it back so they could re-order the ring in the right size for Jeral's monstrous hands. He has farmers hands. After shopping for most of the afternoon we headed back into Vernon where we went out for dinner and after dinner we went to a movie. Then we had to head home because we have chickens in our barns. So later this month for my birthday we are going away to Victoria for a few days. I am looking forward to getting away from the farm and just relaxing the two of us.
So that is the last few days in a nut shell. I just took down all the decorations from Christmas today:( And am now in the process of getting things ready for my brother in law Chris. He is going to be going to school in Salmon Arm for the next 6 weeks, so he is coming to live with us during that time. Both Jeral and I are looking forward to getting to know him better over this time. I think it will be interesting and good.
Well I hope all have a fabulous up coming 2008! Blessings and Prayers!
Leanne Krahn
So what have we been up to. Well on December 29th we had the big Paul's family gathering. We had a good time with family. We were a little disappointed that our cousin's Jinger, Rachel and their baby boy were not there. We all wanted cuddle time with the baby!!!!;) Paul's family Christmas' are always a ton of fun, especially the gift exchange. Oh the lengths we will go to just to get the gift we want. And well I am pretty much a sap. There was a teddy bear up for grabs and well only one of the little kids could get it, and that was Kara. Well when my other little cousin started crying I went to town and got her a teddy bear just because I didn't want to see her sad.
New Years was a blast. Our church headed to Gardom Lake Bible Camp for some fun. Last year at New Years we were in Seattle getting ready to head to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Man where does time go to?
On Sunday December 30th was out 1 year anniversary. We have been married one year. Some days it feels as though we have been married just a few short days and then other days it feels as though we have been married a life time (in a good way). So on Sunday we skipped church. I know how scandalous! We spent the day in Kelowna. I was able to surprise Jeral with a new wedding band. He told me after 6 months of marriage he wanted a white gold band, not the titanium one I got him originally. So his gift was a new wedding band. I was so excited to give it to him. So in the mall I made him open it! I know I am still a little kid when it comes to giving gifts. Also we needed to take it back so they could re-order the ring in the right size for Jeral's monstrous hands. He has farmers hands. After shopping for most of the afternoon we headed back into Vernon where we went out for dinner and after dinner we went to a movie. Then we had to head home because we have chickens in our barns. So later this month for my birthday we are going away to Victoria for a few days. I am looking forward to getting away from the farm and just relaxing the two of us.
So that is the last few days in a nut shell. I just took down all the decorations from Christmas today:( And am now in the process of getting things ready for my brother in law Chris. He is going to be going to school in Salmon Arm for the next 6 weeks, so he is coming to live with us during that time. Both Jeral and I are looking forward to getting to know him better over this time. I think it will be interesting and good.
Well I hope all have a fabulous up coming 2008! Blessings and Prayers!
Leanne Krahn
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