This was my son right after he was born. He was so tiny at least then. He was one of two miracles we had prayed for.

I was reminded this morning again of something Jesus continually asked of me when I was pregnant and so scared that our baby would be taken to heaven before we got to meet him or her (before we knew we were having a boy). Jesus continually asked me to trust him, knowing that trusting him with our child did not mean everything would turn out the way we had hoped or wanted.

This morning as I was watching my beautiful son sleep, I was also talking to Jesus. The conversation went something like this:

"ME - Jesus please heal Jaris. Please just fix his weak muscles. Please be the miracle worker you are, and since you promised that your followers would have the same ability to heal as the original disciples did, and I am your follower please give me the ability to heal my son.

JESUS - Just trust me!"

I guess I just really want to wake up tomorrow to a little boy whose muscles are strong, who is able to meet all of his milestones already, and who is still no matter what the cutest little boy in the whole wide world. That would be so much better than the reality of today - the reality of unknowns - the reality of no matter how much I want to say he is doing everything he should do he simply is not! Oh well this is just my way of expressing where I am at right now. Trying to find a way to trust no matter what!