And She is 3

typical family picture and it is beautiful!

birthday presents

intently looking at mommy open the box to get the tea set out

her face says it all

yum I get to drink tea and have tea parties now!

So our little girl is 3 years old now!  Wow, time has flown by so very quickly.  I still remember so very clearly the day Kenzie was placed in my arms for the first time.  I remember how happy and content I was, and how sad I was at the same time.  My sorrow was for the woman who gave birth to Kenzie and then placed her in our arms.  I could not being to understand the heart ache she was feeling so my tears flowed freely for her and my heart broke for her, and at the same time my heart was leaping for great joy that my daughter was in my arms.  I put her in a sleeper we had bought and washed the night before and we took Kenzie to my mom's home to celebrate Christmas with my family before we brought her home to stay.

I was surprised by how natural it felt to be a mom.  I was surprised by the intensity of my fierce mommy drive to protect, love, and nurture this fragile tiny little girl who had enveloped my whole being and I knew she nor I would ever let go of each other!  Hands down the Christmas we brought her home 3 years ago was the best Christmas we have ever had or I can imagine us ever having (last Christmas finding out I was pregnant with Hayden is a close 2nd though).

We careful chose Kenzie's name - MacKenzie Joy Krahn.  We named her after a woman who was a significant part of my life at the time.  A woman who journeyed with us as we walked the adoption road.  Kenzie being named after her is a reminder to me of all the good things I want to remember from that relationship.  MacKenzie means radiant, and born of fire.  Joy means joyful one. So Kenzie's name means radiant, born of fire, joyful one.  I cannot imagine a more suitable name for our little girl than that.

So what did we do this year to celebrate 3 amazing years?  Well we had family and one close friend over to celebrate with us.  My mom made a Strawberry Short Cake, cake for Kenzie and the majority of the gifts revolved around that theme.  Then on her actual birthday we had a friend come over and the above photo's (thanks Megan), had lunch with my friend, and then we drove to Kamloops for dinner, a short visit with Grandma J., and took a walk around the Kamloops Wild Life Park enjoying the Wild Lights (they set up lights every year at Christmas).  The highlight of the day for me as her mom was hearing her ask everyone she met for birthday cake that day!  She was sure that she had to have cake everywhere we went and was not shy about asking for it!  Okay I take it back my true highlight of the day was Kenzie calling me her hero that morning!  I love being her hero!

Well I think I am going to try to sneak an hour of sleep in before the kids wake up and we let them open presents, seeing as we are celebrating Jesus birthday today.

Merry Christmas

Wow it is early Christmas morning!  And I am wide awake.  Writing the post may come back to bite me later today when I am super tired and we have family here!  I guess I can always sneak off to feed Hayden and then snuggle with him and sleep a bit!

Why is it that with little kids trying to get a great family photo just does not happen!  Okay I should say a nice orderly photo does not happen because looking at this, it is a great and totally accurate photo of what life is like for us!

We opted not to send out a Christmas letter this year as we just sent out Hayden's birth announcements in the fall, so my Christmas letter will be found here.

Our family hopes that this year has been an amazing year for all who read this and for those who do not as well.  While we know that life has it's ups and downs I truly hope that when we all look back on the past year we are all able to see some of the wonders of God in our lives.

So it was a year ago that we got an early Christmas gift from God in the form of finding out we were pregnant, and in August we welcomed Hayden Ezra Krahn into the family!  While life with three children age 3 and under is often crazy we cannot envision a life without our not so little baby boy.  Hayden is by far the most laid back of the three kids ( I could handle having one more baby if we had another baby like Hayden, and Kenzie has been asking for a baby sister lately).

This year also brought us to a place of reaching out for help with Jaris.  We are currently waiting for the IHCAN assessment to take place.  We are looking into Autism Spectrum Disorder or Pervasive Developmental Disorder.  In the mean time we are taking Jaris to speech therapy every few months until he is off the wait list and gets to go more frequently, and we are waiting to get into OT.  Jeral and I also sought out the help of a play therapist to help us with helping Jaris regulate his emotions a little better.  While we know we have a long way to go we also are seeing him thrive and progress.  He truly is a gift to our family.

It is hard to believe that three years has passed since Kenzie was placed in our arms, and totally captured our hearts!  Okay who are we kidding she had our hearts long before we ever held her.  She is a fireball our little girl, and she loves to talk, run, play, and be mommy's helper.  We love her infectious smile and laughter.  We know our family would just not be complete without her in it!

Life on the farm and having three little ones keeps us very busy.  As the new year comes in we are looking forward to settling more into a routine with three kids.  Trying to find more time for just the two of us!  Oiy that seems to be not something that we find a lot of time to do.  However we are leaving all three kids with some friends for a few hours on our anniversary in a few days.  We have been married for 6 years!

Well I think I need to go snuggle with my daughter so from our family to yours we pray and hope you have a fantastic Christmas and that this coming year is full of love and the desires of you hearts!

Gallstones

So it is official, I have gallstones.  They are small, yet they are there and they are not going away.  Therefore I am meeting with a surgeon in February to discuss options.  In the mean time I need to stay away from certain foods, and if I get an attack that lasts longer than 6 hours I need to go to the ER.  The plan is to avoid an attack all together.  It is a relief knowing what is going on with my body, and now I know that cheating and eating certain foods is not a good idea!

Other than that life is same old same old!  We had our big family Christmas of which 44 out of 50 people were here! It was fun and Jaris surprised us with how great he did with so many people around!  I was so proud of him as a mama!  We are still waiting for the assessment process to begin for him, and yet I am okay with waiting as it gives us more time with the different therapists to help us help Jaris develop and grow!  He is such a blessing and miracle in our lives.  All of our children our!

In the weeks ahead we have Kenzie's 3rd birthday party.  More thoughts on that to come in later posts.  We have a few parties and then we have  Christmas with my mom, sister and her family.  This time of year is always full of adventure and lots of blessings!

Well Hayden had is 3 month check up last week and he is a big boy.  As my doctor put it Hayden at 15 weeks is the same size as an average 8 month old!  Then she said Leanne you have turned into a baby making machine!  I laughed as she said she remembers when I first became her patient and how at one point we both were unsure if I would be able to get pregnant.  Now she is reminding me that breast feeding is not a form of contraception.  Once again I laughed and told her we know and have no intentions of having another one anytime soon if at all.  Three children is a great number and I am so thankful for the three miracles via three journeys we have been granted the privilege of loving, nurturing, caring for, providing for, and guiding through this life.

So the kids!!!

Kenzie - is so cute and she knows it!  Tonight when I got home from Kelowna I told her I had bought her birthday presents and had then in a special place.  She asked me to pick her up and then she kissed me and said, "Mommy you home, and you hid my presents in the van right?"  Yes you little smarty pants!  Good thing she did not go running to the van to find them!  The theme is Strawberry Short Cake this year for my soon to be three year old!

Jaris - I quickly made him a weighted blanket and we will see how he likes it.  I am going to take more time to make him one.  I just wanted to do one fast so we could see if it would help.  We also ordered him two weighted stuffed animals.  I sort of want to steal one for me.  Jaris is also starting to talk more.  At least I am understanding more of his jibberish.  At lunch today he looked at me and said, "I have some."  Some is really the only clear word that others would understand.  However I understood to other two words in that sentence.  Jaris has begun multi-tasking, and his idea of multi-tasking is taking my iPhone and Jeral's iPhone and watching a movie on one and playing a game on the other.  When I got home tonight I thought he was running up to me for a hug.  In reality the hug and kisses were offered up solely for the purpose of getting my phone!  Thank you son!  I love you too, and I am not ashamed of trading my phone for hugs and kisses!

Hayden - well like I said he is the size of an average 8 month old!  He is smiling more, cooing more, and laughing more!  I love watching his little personality develop.  I will admit that one of my favorite things is when he is awake and babbling away in the morning and peer over the side of his crib and he hears my voice and sees me and smiles.  That melts my heart.  These are all things Jaris did not do at this age, so seeing Hayden do all these things now and also rolling back to front numerous times puts my worries to rest for the most part.

I have said it before and I will say it again!  My children are often the hardest part of my day, and yet they are the best part of every day!  I never would have fathomed when I married Jeral almost 6 years ago that we would have three children age 2 and under (okay one of them is almost 3).  Yet we do and we have an adventure every day.

One of the Best Decisions We Ever Made

Three years ago Jeral and I needed to make a decision.  That decision was if we were going to meet with a Birth Mom who had picked us.  I remember praying and begging God to make it clear to both of us what we were to do.  God's response, "You get to make the choice, there is no right or wrong here.  The choice is yours." I was pretty upset as I wanted to be told what to do (this is a very rare thing indeed).  Well the choice we made was to meet with this woman who ended up giving us one of the greatest blessings we have ever had - our daughter MacKenzie Joy Krahn (affectionately called Kenzie).   Seriously the best decision we ever made.

A New Road to Travel

Smiles!  I love  his smiles

I still have no idea where time has gone. Hayden is growing up so very fast!

My three miracles.

Brothers

Beautiful Boy 

So we met with the pediatrician this last Thursday.  It was a preliminary meeting where we discussed our concerns and the red flags we are seeing with Jaris.  She agreed that there were enough red flags and is referring us for further assessments.  The area of focus will be Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder.  We have asked that they look into Neurological Disorders considering the unknown disability Jeral has.  

So how do I feel knowing that this is the road we are about to journey down?  Not sure!  I hate not knowing and not having a game plan to help our son succeed in life.  Some days I am overwhelmed at the thought of a son with a disability and a husband with one (however that does not change how much I love both of them).  Some days I feel very alone in part because everyone has there opinion of what is going on or not going on, and sometimes I feel that if I challenge those people they will be upset with me.  While I know Jeral is with me on this I also know that in terms of understanding the complexities of what is going on with Jaris,  his brain has not processed all of it, and that can be very lonely.  And I worry (I know the Bible tells us not to worry, yet I am human and do worry), about all the unknowns right now.  

With all of that said though this is the one constant.  My son brings so much joy and love to our family that nothing else really matters in the end.  He is one of the miracles we prayed and literally begged God for many times.  He is one of our three miracle that God blessed us with and I love Jaris more than anything I could ever love in this world.  The day he was born was one of the most amazing days of my life and nothing will ever change that, and nothing will ever change how much I love him!  No diagnosis, no label, nothing will change the miracle he is or the love I have for him.

iPhone Photos

Standing at the edge and if daddy was not there he would have jumped right in.  I love how curly his hair is.

I got ambitious one day and took all three kids to the park.  Kenzie loves being on the swing.

My favorite thing to do these days

At the park with Jaris after Mother Goose one day.

Last Monday I had an accident.  Totally my fault.  I was so very thankful that I got hit on my side of the van and not the side that Hayden is on.  He slept through the whole thing.  I broke down crying right after it happened, in part because I was so shaken and in part because I was so thankful that every one was okay.  More importantly I was thankful that Hayden was okay.

He had a huge smile before I took the picture.  Every time I pull out the camera on my phone he stops smiling and starts to look intently.  Oh well he still is my cutie pie!

So Hayden has his shots this past week and wow his stats are impressive.  He was 17 lbs and 12 oz.  I was under the impression that nursed babes gained weight slower than formula fed babes, however that is so not the case here.  Jaris hit 17 lbs at 4 months, Kenzie was almost 7 months when she hit 17 lbs.  Hayden is a very healthy boy.  He is also 26.5 inches.  I love watching him grow and change on what is almost a daily basis!  He fits right into this family just perfectly.  Nights with this little boy are still a little hit and miss.  Some nights he sleep for up to 8 hours and then other nights he is up every 2-3 hours.  I look forward to the day this all settles out.  However I have an amazing husband who will take Hayden for me when I am tired.  Funny enough it is almost as though Kenzie is able to sense that mommy is no longer occupied with  Hayden and she comes charging down to our room to snuggle.  I love snuggles with all of my kids.

Just Life Lately

Brother and sister hanging out!

Kenzie chilling with her dolls

My handsome youngest

Love this boy so very much

One of the strange places he falls asleep

Coloring with Daddy at the Krahn/Cowie Gathering in Merrit

What an amazing Grandpa.  On our way home from the gathering Kenzie kept asking when would she see Grandma and Grandpa again.  It was hard to explain to her that she would not see them in person until March or April next year!  She sure does love them very much.

Second cousins hanging out.  My cousin Krista was over yesterday with her little girl.  Our kiddos are 9 days apart (Hayden is older).  It was a lovely afternoon of hanging out with our kids and talking about life as moms.

So what is new in our family.

Kenzie - she is her usual bubble and spirited self.  Her new favorite word is "Sometimes".  It follows many of the sentences that she says.  She also likes to say "No Way Mommy," especially if I ask her to stop doing something she is not supposed to do, or ask her if she wants a consequence for her actions.  She changes her clothes multiple times a day, and is such a little girl and I love that about her!  I also love that she still loves to snuggle with me.  Probably my fav part of the day with her is in the mornings when Jeral takes Hayden after I have fed him and Kenzie and I snuggle and watch a cartoon in our room.

Jaris - slow and surely his vocabulary is increasing.  He still talks a lot of jibberish, yet in time that will get less and less.  We have been going to a group program for toddler with speech delays.  It has been hard because Jaris does not function well in large group settings and this is a large group setting.  He also is not a fan of being over stimulated and he definitely gets over stimulated there. I have been very tempted to join him in crying the times that he has cried while we are there.

Hayden - He is a very healthy little boy!  I am so thankful that nursing him is going so very well.  He is smiling and talking up a storm these days.  I am pretty sure his favorite time of day is anytime his diaper is being changed and he grins from ear to ear at diaper changes!  He also likes us to hold him in ways that allow him to sit up, and he like to try and stand, he even fusses when we do not  give him enough standing time during the day.

Jeral - Well motor cycle season is over with for now :(  He did not ride as much this summer so he could spend more time with us as a family and help me out.  I am so very grateful for that!  Life on the farm is just the same old same old.

Me - I have been rather sick with what my Dr. thinks is gall bladder issues.  So that means we I am being very careful with what I eat.  I definitely feel it if I cheat.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for Nov 23rd, so until then careful is my moto when it comes to eating.  I have no desire to be in the kind of pain an attack brings with it.  I am hopeful that for now the issue can be controlled with a dietary change, and that surgery will not be required!  Other than that life is same old same old for me!

So there you have it.  Life in the Krahn household!

Happy Thanks Giving

Okay so I will admit I have not posted as much here these days!  I am tired and I am blessed to parent three miracles so blogging just has not been a priority.  Plus I like to have pictures and rarely is the good camera near by when I want to take a photo!  However here are a few from the last few weeks!

A father and his boys!  Jeral has been so amazing as a dad and a husband, I love him just as he is, yet doing the dishes, and the laundry, and playing with the kids sure sends the love charts soar up to number 1 on a regular basis!

A few weeks back my dear friend Marie came for a visit and this was our boys chilling and relaxing after we had fed them.  While we were feeding she pointed out that we were nursing our boys together, yet something I thought we would never do.  Thanks Jesus for the small reminders that miracle do happen in our every day life!

Kenzie and Joelle watching a cartoon on the couch.  I love that we have girls and boys that can grow up playing together when we manage to make it out to Abbotsford or they manage to make it out here! I wish I still came every other week so our kids could get to know each other better!

Sleeping boy!

And this boy yet again fell asleep in a strange position.  I really need to put a photo book of his strange and uncomfortable sleep positions together!

So today is Thanks Giving Sunday!  While I was sitting in church and had a rare moment when I did not have a baby in my arms or a toddler climbing all over me I took some time to write out the things I am thankful for!

1. My Husband - he is a great day and the best life partner I could have eve been blessed with!

2. My three miracles - and yes this includes the long night and the fighting that goes on because there was a day we were unsure if our home would ever be filled with these miracles!  I love you and and thankful every day for you Kenzie, Jaris, and Hayden

3. My extended family and friends

4. The home we have been blessed with

5. The reality that we have everything we could ever need and many of the things we want.

6. My church family - this one is huge for me to say because not long away we chose to leave and yet I am so thankful that God made it clear that our church is where we belong!

7. I am thankful for a lady who ended up coming into my life as a result of someone else deeply hurting me.  And with that if I were now to bump into the woman who really broke my heart I would look her in the eyes and say, "Thank You!"  To come to this place and know that I truly could look her in the eyes and say thank you is huge, and for that I am grateful to God.

Well with that I will end today's Post!  I am looking forward to my family heading to my mom's tomorrow for dinner with my mom, sister and her kids.  Truthfully I really just want the pear pie!  My mom makes the best pear pie ever!!!!!!

Happy Thanks Giving!

Hayden and Jaris

Wow Hayden is almost 5 weeks old now!  Where has time gone?  We are settling into life as a family of 5 and I am enjoying life as it is.  Jeral is such an amazing father, I love appreciated how he has stepped up to the plate and taken on watching and playing with Kenzie and Jaris more, so I can focus on Hayden.  The big thing for Hayden and I is getting the whole breast feeding routine down.  Since I did not nurse Kenzie and Jaris this is new territory for me. I will post pictures of the kids at a later date!

This week we met with a speech therapist to assess Jaris, and we also had his hearing tested.  The hearing test came back great!  Jaris hears very well and his tiny ear canals have grown as he has and are a normal size.  So we can scratch hearing issues off the list of possible reasons why Jaris does not like to talk, why he disengages, why he hyper focuses, and why he does not handle groups of people well etc.  The next step in this journey is to go back to our GP and get her to refer us back to the pediatrician who will refer us where ever we need to go.  We will continue with speech therapy once we get in.  Right now we are on the wait list, our appointment last week was an assessment to see if we needed speech therapy or not!  And we do!!!!!

When we got all the genetic testing back just over 2 years ago saying that genetically there was nothing wrong with Jaris we breathed a huge sigh of relief, and honestly at the time I thought okay Jaris is fine life will proceed as normal, and for a while everything appeared to the "normal".  Jaris was progressing and for a while he even had more audible words than Kenzie, and then it all stopped and his quirks started to be more pronounced.  Our experience with others in regards to Jaris and his quirks has been two extremes.  From a few we have been nudged to look into Autism Spectrum Disorders, or Pervasive Degenerative Disorders.  Then from a few others we were strongly told not to have him labelled.

I have cried many tears as we have started to think about the future and what it all holds for Jaris.  I have cried wondering how will I breathe and manage the stresses that come along with having a husband who has a disability in regards to his brain processing what he hears, and then having a son who will need lots of extra help.  I have cried because no matter what, Jaris is one of our three miracles and not knowing at times is just as challenge as knowing the answers.  At least with knowing we can come up with a plan, not knowing means a bunch of trial and error that may or may not be what Jaris needs!  Yet with all the tears, and unknowns right now at the end of the day when he smiles with the dimple in his right cheek, and I look into his blue eyes I know God will hold us through the unknowns and months ahead of us as we walk down the path of figuring this out for Jaris and for us.  Ultimately though what matters is we love our Jair-Bear.

No parent desires for their child to struggle in life and yet that is something that we will not be able to prevent and protect them from.  Being human means facing struggles and journeying through them.  Being a parent means helping your children as they journey through their struggle and yet not necessarily sparing them from having to journey through the tough stuff, and that is the hardest part.

Photo Shoot Photos

Chilling in a wagon

First Family Picture with all 5 of us on the outside!

I totally think Hayden looks like his older cousin James here!

Hmmm is he going to be a motorcycle riding boy like his daddy?

Learning to be gentle with her baby brother

My beautiful baby girl!  

First family picture with all of us (well we are all there just Hayden is still growing inside)!

Kissing her baby brother!

Best Friends!  I am so happy that they get to grow up together!

This could have sent me into labor I still got to do things like this for 8 days before labor got going!

I think this is my favorite picture of Kenzie from the day we met Heather and Bernie for my maternity photo's

Looking like a hot curvy preggo mama!!!!

Simply adorable need I say more!  I hope Hayden has curly hair when his hair grows out!

The glorious tummy!!!!  I actually miss being pregnant (do not read into this there are no plans to have anymore than three kids)

Our Three miracles!