Change of Mind

Me pregnant with our miracle son! I was not going to post any of these however I have had a change of heart after seeing them!

I had a little change of mind after seeing this picture! Originally I had decided I was not going to post on a public forum any of my pregnancy pictures - however this is beautiful and this is also growth for me! It is hard to believe that my son was in my glorious tummy (stretch marks and all). Yet he was and now he and his sister are in our arms.

One Month Old

Jaris' first tractor ride with daddy! To protect his ears he had layers of kleenex covering them, covered by a toque and then a hoodie!

Kenize checking out her brother! Some days she is not sure what to think of him - however they are starting to bond and warm up to each other!

Our two little MIRACLES
(I say that despite that fact that Jaris did not let mommy sleep again last night)

Mommy and her miracles!

Life is moving along at a sleep deprived pace! Jaris seems to be asleep one minute and then he is awake and squawking the next minute. We have tried everything to get him to sleep for longer than a few minutes - swaddled, unswaddled, on his back, on his tummy, in his car seat, in the vibrating bouncy chair etc. and nothing seems to be working except on mommy and even then he prefers that mommy is sitting in a rocking chair instead of laying down. For a one month old he knows what he wants and he is a great little self advocate. Even at the baby shower last night - he decided he had had enough of other people holding him so he started squawking, and there was nothing wrong outside of he wanted mommy and that was that. Once he fell asleep I could pass him off again, however not until he was in a deep sleep. Seriously if feels as though Kenzie is way more attached to us and secure in her attachment than Jaris is- at least that is how I feel at this moment in my sleep deprived state. The crazy thing is Kenzie takes nice long naps however when she is napping Jaris is awake and then when Jaris finally falls asleep Kenzie is awake. Oh well I sure do love them no matter what!

Life Lately

No pictures for this post! This week Jaris had his 4 week check up and well our little boy is getting bigger everyday. When he was 3 weeks and 5 days he weighed 10 pounds and 3 ounces. He is a chugger that is for sure! Other than that he still does not like sleeping by him self which means mommy is not getting much sleep. I remind myself this is just a phase!

On Friday we were in Oliver with Jeral's parents. The kids enjoyed all the cuddles and snuggles, and it was nice for us to see our children with their grandparents!

Kenzie is changing everyday - lately she is grabbing at objects and then looking at them before stuffing them into her mouth. I love playing with her and hearing her laugh! The other morning I brought her into bed as she was sleeping and just snuggled with her and spent time talking to Jesus. I finally understand why my mom when we were little would slip into our room at night and pray - as much as I hated it when I was a little girl because I was most of the time awake while she was praying - I understand how easy it is to just sit a stare at my little girl and then talk to Jesus and ask Jesus to watch over her and protect her. Then I stare and am mezmorized by her absolute trust and peace as she sleeps. I do the same with my little boy however that is normally as he is sprawled out on my tummy or chest.

Tomorrow is the Baby Shower for Jaris - I feel like we just had one for Kenzie and well reality is her's were not that long ago. Here is hoping that is not filled with your typical church baby shower stuff - like giving a piece of baby advice - oh wait they did that a couple of weeks ago so I am all adviced out. Oh well it is a church shower so I will go with the flow!

First Day Laying On the Grass

MacKenzie and her first time just laying on a blanket on the grass outside! She really was happy just before I took the picture and then she decided to have a bit of a dramatic moment! Oh well she is still mommy's little angel!

Chilling with Daddy on the lawn! Jaris was smoking hot when we got home from our shopping trip so we stripped the kids down and let them cool off in the shade since it was smoking hot in the sun!

This picture is for Auntie Joy since she and a select few people know what the hand up means when I do it I thought it was pretty dang cute that my son was putting his hand up in front of his head, however is reasoning is probably very different than my reasoning for putting my hand up. MacKenzie used to do this too when she was Jaris' age.

Well things have changed! MacKenzie is now the one in the nursery. Last night was the first night she was in the nursery, and she did great! Jaris is still in our room and will be for a while - his loud noises at night would wake MacKenzie up so we thought it was best to give MacKenzie her own room. Both kids sleep in cribs - no more play pens except for traveling and the occasional nap down stairs.

MacKenzie is will be 4 months old on Wednesday. Where has time gone? It feels as though yesterday she was placed in our arms and she was so tiny. Now she is the life of the party and a really strong 4 month old. She seriously has the biggest smile and loves to smile for anyone she meets.

Today I took the kids shopping on my own. Before Jaris was born I thought that taking the kids shopping by myself would be suicide, however seriously it is the best way for us to give Jeral time to do things on the farm, yard, or in the shop. Today the kids and I were gone for 3 hours. I find it interesting that anywhere we go we get asked - TWINS? And I say no, and then I get strange looks. Sometimes I take the time to explain that we got the blessing of being chosen by MacKenzie's birth mom to be her parents, and that I was pregnant when we were chosen. However more often now I simply say no they are 3 months and 6 days apart and I keep walking (with a smile on my face) and leave whoever has asked to ponder how the heck is it possible to have two children 3 months apart! Reality is that we will get asked that a lot in the days and years to come, and as our children grow up and go to school they will get asked that question too!

Trip to Grandma's and Other Things

My Cute little boy, who has nights and days mixed up a bit, however that is life! He has started downing his bottles a little to fast almost because we will guzzle 6-7 ounces and then screams because his little tummy hurts. However at least I know that he is getting enough food to grow!

The three cousins! It was interesting trying to get three kids under 14 months of age to sit long enough for a picture!

Grandma J. and the grandkids! My mom has been wanting a picture of her with the three grandkids for a while now, however reality is with three little ones we will probably not get a good picture for a while!

Today I packed up the kids and we went to Grandma J's place for the day. This was my attempt to have the kids with me and free Jeral up to do chores and work around the farm, and since I am not fully recovered yet I knew I would need help so off to Kamloops I drove. That way Jeral got a couple of hours to do what he wanted to do around the farm.

Kenzie puts smiles on our faces everyday with her big smiles, cooing, and laughing. She seems to be growing up so quickly and yet she is still a little baby girl! She is going to be 4 months this coming Wednesday - where did the time go? Jaris is 3 weeks old now and he is changing so much every day. We feel so blessed by our children (despite the lack of sleep). They are the best part of everyday for me!

Figuring Things Out

Bath time for Jaris!

Kenzie eating her feet!

Jeral and I are trying to figure out this parenting thing, and staying home to take care of our little ones. We both were so used to doing whatever we wanted whenever, and Jeral was used to working the farm, property, and in the shop. Eventually Jeral will be able to get back out there and at it.

I know that I am looking forward to being able to put the kids in the stroller and taking long walks with them. I took Jaris for a short walk yesterday and it was nice. I am hoping to take both kids on a short walk today also. That way Jeral can go do something in the shop for a bit if he wants.

I am also trying to find a balance between healthy self care (aka - talking with Jesus about stuff), house work, and rest. Children change things that is for sure, and while we have moments of missing the freedom we once felt, we would never go back to that because our two miracles are everything to us here on earth!

Kenzie continually makes us smile with her laughing, cooing, and just her personality. Yesterday I was talking to her while the hockey game was on, and she would look in my direction give me a quick smile and then turn right back to the TV - it was as if she was saying mommy I love you however the TV is much more interesting than you! She is also one of the strongest little girls I have ever seen. I will lay out in the recliner with my knees bent a bit and hold onto MacKenzie's hands and she will not only pull herself up to the sitting position she will push up on her legs and stand without me pulling her. My hands are just there for support.

Jaris is growing everyday, and I am so thankful that he is healthy. He gave mommy one night where he slept from 10 pm - 4:15 am, however last night he was back to his I want to be held antics. I must admit that holding him as he snuggles in has a calming affect on me. Actually holding both of them as they snuggle in is rather amazing and calming. We are blessed that is for sure.

Moving to the Nursery

Daddy with MacKenzie before going on a walk. Mackenzie is looking all cool with her sun glasses!

MacKenzie looking at her little brother while I am holding both of them. Sometimes when daddy goes out to check things I have both of my miracles and to keep them happy at times they are both in my arms!

Our miracle children with Grandma and Grandpa Krahn

Jaris in his crib! He looks so tiny! I recently bought something called a grow bag. Basically you zip the kids in and you do not have to worry if they have kicked off the blankets at night. However we will see how this works for now. MacKenzie still sleeps better swaddled, and Jaris is not sleeping unless he is on me, however mommy is going to swaddle him tonight and we will see what happens.

Jaris this morning! At least he is awake - give it a few more weeks and he will be smiling!

One of our two miracle children is being moved into the nursery! Can you guess which one? Well Jaris is in the nursery. He is such a loud sleeper. Our hope is that he will get used to sleeping on his own. Right now at night he does not like sleeping on his own - he wants mommy and he wants to sleep on me. Thus I am not sleeping. Some nights I want to tell Jeral to take Jaris and I will take MacKenzie just so I can get a little sleep. Reality is we could switch things up since Jaris is bottle feed.

When we got MacKenzie home she was the same way, and yet we had two of us to take care of one little miracle - now we have two of us to take care of two little miracles. I am amazed at how single mom's take care of their children, because we have two of us and I am zonked and so thankful to have my husband here to help me.

As for me I am still tired and I seem to have a head ache everyday. I may need to drink more water, or it could be a result of the epidural. I am grateful that Jeral is home a lot while I gain my strength. Seriously loosing as much blood as I did wipes a person out. However I will recover in time, and I am able to allow myself that time.

2 Weeks Old

Our miracle kids! MacKenzie sure loves smiling, however she is not sure about sharing her play mat with her brother. So good thing we have another mat for Jaris for tummy time!

Sitting in the bumbo Auntie Karen lent us! MJ likes to sit and stand and watch TV. She does not understand what is happening however Jeral and I have decided since we do not really know how much her little brain in taking in we have to be very careful with what we are watching with her. Baby Praise is good - Criminal Minds not so good.

First time in an outfit other than sleepers! I think he looks pretty dang cute!

Wow my little boy is two weeks old today! Right now he is having tummy time on a mat I can see, and he is out like a light, and MacKenzie is taking a nap in the playpen just around the corner. So I have some time to write another post with some pictures.

Jaris is a loud sleeper. So loud that I have trouble sleeping (daddy does not, however he sleeps through almost anything), and MacKenzie starts to stir and wake when Jaris is grunting and snoring! So for the past two night I have snuggled with Jaris on the double bed in the nursery so MacKenzie and Jeral can sleep. Tonight we are going to try putting Jaris in the playpen bassinet and turn the music on beside him so that his sounds are covered up and his sister can sleep, and I can snuggle with Jeral. Once we have all the clothes sorted out and put away and the nursery a little tidier than I think we may move MacKenzie into the nursery so she at least can get a good sleep at night! Needless to say mommy is not getting a lot of sleep, however these day shall pass and sleep at some point in the future will be a part of life again. I guess I also have to say Jeral can do the dishes and stuff like that if we need them done and I need to sleep when the kids are napping. House work who needs to do house work!

So with that being said I need to go take a nap!

Learning to Rest!

My little boy!

Mommy with both her miracle children!

Daddy and his boy!

MacKenzie recently found her feet and they are her new favorite toy, and hey if she likes to play with her feet then have at it little girl!

MacKenzie in her Easter dress! I swore as a younger woman I would not dress my little girl in dresses however she is so cute in dresses! She is cute in whatever she wears!

So today I got a bit of the riot act read to me by my doctor. Apparently I did not have a normal birthing of my son, and thus due to the trauma my body under went I need to spend more time resting. You should have seen the look on her face when I asked her if I could start jogging again! That is a few months away apparently! Those you who know me know that sitting still and not doing much (okay I know feeding and taking care of my little ones is a lot already), know that this drives me crazy. I mean the day after my surgery back in September of 2008 I had my husband drive down to Abbotsford so I could make my session with my therapist, and visit friends! Yes I know I over did it and paid the price for it later and my recovery took longer. Anyways I guess I will be attempting to rest more. I am not even supposed to carry MacKenzie around a ton because I end up staring to bleed more than I already am. So with that being said Jeral has finally agreed to hire our nephew to do chores, and when Jeral has to be in the barns or shop for something he will only go if I have help in the house. Jeral has never had the pleasure of being alone with both MacKenzie and Jaris when they are both crying. I have and it is hard. Yesterday I managed twice to be able to pick both of them up and carry both of them, only to be told today that is a No, No! I guess I may actually have time to talk to Jesus about all the triggers that went off during child birth and after!!! :) The smiley face maybe a little sarcastic!!!!!!

In other news Jaris is doing well. He is back to his birth weight! Yeah for that. I was worried about him, he seems so small and tiny, and yet MacKenzie was once that small too and she is thriving. I still marvel at the fact that he was once inside of me and now he is being held in my arms. I love that he is still all cuddly especially since MacKenzie only wants to cuddle when she is tired. We are truly blessed to have both of our children. I love them so much! They are the most amazing gift we could ever be given by Jesus and my prayer is that we will be able to show them daily as best we can the love of God. I know we will mess up and not be perfect in being a great example of the extravagant love of God, however we will do our best. My prayer is that is does not take them until they are 30 something to truly know how much God loves them, and to truly see God as He is.

Home Again

First family walk! It was just a short one to the mail box and back for me. I still am physically exhausted from all that happened during child birth, however I still do not like sitting all day and doing very little, so a short family walk it was! I look forward to the big long walks and hikes we are hoping to take in the months ahead!

First picture of sister and brother - Jaris decided he was not a fan of his 3 month old sister holding him. However she is totally taken in by him. She spent most of the day just wanting to look at her little bro!

This past week has been filled with many ups and downs. Who would ever think that giving birth would be so wonderful and yet so difficult at the same time?

Jaris and I got to come home on Thursday and we are praying that he continues to feed and poop and pee well. I really just want to be able to be home and keep out little family together. I also really just want to be able to sleep in my own bed with my husband there.

Life as we know it has changed and we are so blessed to have our little ones. I also find I worry way more now about whether or not they are okay. Okay I worry more about Jaris seeing that he is just barely a week old actually a52 minutes away from being a week old. Thus I have gone back and forth with the decision to breast feed him. Some times I think okay I will give it a try like today as it seemed I had lost of milk, yet he is not latching properly so then I am topping up with formula. Reality is we are used to bottles and formula and fully know that amazing bonding and attachment can happen from bottle feeding.

This week has been full of many blessings - in the form of our beautiful son, and our family who has helped out in huge ways. The other Krahn family watching MacKenzie and my mom coming to help out etc. And also this week has been rough on my emotionally. Finally getting to spend some time with my daughter only to get a phone call cutting that short to have to go back to the hospital. Emotional triggers getting set off at what seems like every turn - things that I will only talk to Jesus about and would have only talked to one other person about. Anyways in the days and weeks to come I know I will have much to talk to Jesus about and many balls of yarn that I will have to fully release to Him without holding onto the end.

Well it is late and everyone is sleep except me so I will go fix that by hitting the pillow and sleeping until my son wakes up to feed!