Life This Week

Life with two little ones is constantly on the go! Monday I came home from a Doctor's appointment to an empty house. Jeral had taken both kids to Vernon for a little bit, and well the house was unusually quiet. While I took in a few quiet moments I reflected on how Jeral and I loved having our God-Daughters over at the house all the time because there laughter, shouts, cries, and chatter filled this large house with wonderful noise, and how every time they would go home after we had them for a week or two Jeral and I would go out on a date because we could not bear to be in such a large and silent house. I had that same feeling when I came home Monday and there was not pitter-patter of Kenzie and Jaris coming to see me because they heard my voice. Funny you would think I would enjoy a few moments of silence and yet I find I enjoy it ore when I know they are in our home soundly sleeping, than when they are not here.

So I was at the Doctor on Monday for a few things. My allergies are awful this year and something needed to be figured out because I am having to triple dose allergy meds and still I am having allergy attacks. So off to an allergist I am going. Not sure when, however hopefully before this allergy season is over. In the mean time I am on a nasal steroid and it seems to be helping. I also have a spot on my lip that I have had for a while that is getting darker. It was decided that we would keep monitoring it and if it changes than a biopsy will have to happen. I had a friend ask me if I was scared and my answer to her was no, there is nothing to be afraid of, just keeping an eye on it.

Kenzie has really been struggling separation anxiety lately. We have noticed ever since we brought her home and that people who say good bye or leave to go home, fills her with anxiety. However it is getting harder and harder for me to leave the house to go to appointments, or even today while we were watching the game I got up to go get a drink and she started crying and came running up to me with her arms up wanting to be picked up. this morning I had to go to town and I was going to take Jaris to come with me since I took Kenzie last night, and she reached out for me as I was telling her I love her and I would be back soon, and she grabbed my skin and dug her nails in as I trying to go to the van. Needless to say my mommy heart was breaking and I choose to bring her too. It is sort of a catch 22 do i try to sneak out undetected, or do I reassure her that I love her very much and that I will be coming back shortly.

Last night at bed time it was so hard, any time I tried to put her down in her crib she looked at me she sheer terror in her eyes, as if to say, "Mommy don't leave me." It took from 8:30 pm to 1 am to finally get her asleep. Twice Jeral tried to spell me off and both times she cried and cried and cried, so finally I said it is okay, I will stay with her no matter how I feel (dang allergies). She finally fell asleep all nuzzled on my chest. Seriously sweet and I cherished that time, since she is more of a face out kind of girl, and I think that last time I remember her snuggling like that she was 2 weeks old. I am hoping and praying that she is just out of whack because we got home only a week ago from holidays and while we were away she fell asleep in my arms and slept in the same bed as me and now we are adjusting back to her room and her crib!

This afternoon I saw one of the most wonderful things in the world. Jaris was chasing Kenzie! He was walking after her laughing and reaching out for her and she was running to get away, all the while laughing! I am so thankful that Jaris is walking and am in such awe of my little boy. My heart melts a lot in the presence of my children. Especially these days when Jaris walks up to me and puts his hands up and says, "Mama", and then I get to swoop down and pick him up in my arms. I remember the times I would sit and cry in the counseling room with Joy over the whole infertility journey we were walking through and while not getting pregnant month after month was a huge part of that heart ache. The bigger heart ache was not having my children in my arms. Not being able to come home and pick up my son or daughter and hold them in my arms, and kiss them on the cheek, and tell them I love them and I love being their mama. Now I get to do that with both y miracles. It is one of the best feelings in the world. Something to cherish for every!

Other than that I have been processing lots and learning lots lately, and well the time to write on the blog has not yet come and I am not sure if my blog is the forum for it I am grateful for those Jesus has sent along past and present to walk we me and Him as I learn all this stuff! So blessed indeed!