Still Trusting

Wow so this journey towards becoming parents has had many twists and turns for Jeral and I. We are having to learn to trust and learn to be patient. We had been told about a little baby girl who needed a family. She would be special needs, as she has had a tracheotomy. I have training in this area because of my amazing nephew who has had a tracheotomy. Anyways we decided to turn over some rocks and find out if she really was up for adoption, and if it would be possible for us to adopt her. We knew that the journey would be a long one and have many twist and turns that would not be easy, and yet we both came to a place of saying yes we can love this little girl.

Well we finally got some answers today, and due to her being aboriginal it looks like things are coming to a grinding halt. I think I may feel differently if I knew that there was a family lined up to take her. However I was told that it will take a year before the Aboriginal Children and Family Services makes an adoption plan for her, and there are some many politics behind Caucasian couples trying to adopt an aboriginal baby. So just as in one brief conversation we almost have a daughter, in another brief conversation she is taken away. What hurts the most is knowing that she doesn't have parents to hold her and love her. The extent of her love is given by nurses at a hospital. Not that the nurses don't care, it just that is their job.

So in all of this we are still trying to trust God. Trust that all these little ups and downs are for a reason, and that they will only make us stronger. Trust this little baby girl to God and God's love for her. Trust that one day we will have our baby in our arms and in our home.

Well I am sufficiently teared up, so I had better go wash my face and curl up in the arms of GOD for a bit before making supper!

Trust

Trust is a fickle thing. Or maybe it is that I am fickle. I grew up not trusting those I was supposed to be able to trust as a result of some rather untrust worthy actions. However now I am finding my self is a position where I have to trust someone with the most deepest desire of my heart, and that is scary. I am used to taking control and fighting for what I want, and now I am simply not supposed to fight and just trust. It's a bit of a catch 22 with me I guess. Oh well I will learn to trust one way or another!

Anyways we have lots of waiting to do with lots of possiblities. That is all I can say about that for now.

The township os Spallmuchen is widening the road by our house. The road will be glorious once it is finished, in the mean time it is a little frustrating having to sit and wait 50 meters from your drive way.

My oldest niece graduated last week and we had a family party for her. Even though she was older when I got to know her, it feels wierd thinking that she has graduated. Time sure does fly by quickly.

That is our short update for now!

Differences

Wow so this week I have been struck by the differences in the way public and private health care systems work. At least here in our area. Recently Jeral and I decided to pursue further fertility treatment which of course the public health system does not pay for. We have have to pay for it which is fine. I have noticed that the level of care in the private system is much higher, most likely due to the fact that clients are paying out of their own pocket. In the past two years we have never received this quality amount of care, as we have this past month at this private fertility clinic. Now please do not get me wrong I am grateful for our public health care system which makes medical treatment more affordable etc., however I wish that public health care professions would exhibit the same level and quality of care as the private health care professionals.

For Jeral and I the level of care and compassion was the drawing card to pursue further treatment. I was actually not wanting to go this route anymore as I am totally gung hoe and stoked to adopt. Yet the level of care, compassion, and genuine concern basically sold us to trying further treatment! I'd keep shelling out the money just to have nice nurses and doctors!!!!!!

Our Prayer, Our Dream

So I have been painting and sketching a lot lately. Umm this painting I have been working on Jeral is going to hang in a very prominent place in our home. It is Our Prayer and Our Dream, to grow our family through adoption. I know I am taking a risk by placing the paint up for everyone to see, and yet I am looking at this as a step of faith. Both Jeral and I feel that this is a step of faith for us! Our prayer is that our baby is in our arms, and in our home by the end of summer! No matter if this happens or not we are trusting God and placing our dreams and desires with Him!

Final Home Study

Well today was the day of our final homestudy. We are excited that this stage of the journey is over. Things went really well. The social worker came and we spent time talking about a few different things, and then we showed her around our home and the farm. In a few weeks we will get to see the draft of her report and then once we approve the report we will go into Kelowna to sign it and then hopefully all will be official and we will be in the books officially (I say officially because we sort of are already in the books unofficially).

I must admit that it is weird knowing that this phase of the journey is over. I was finally getting used to the idea of someone coming into our lives and asking us all sorts of questions. I actually really like our social worker. We also feel very blessed by her support and encouragement. She was saying today that she just turned down doing a home study because she is so busy with her private practice. So both Jeral and I are thanking God that she decided to do our home study because we know that God provided the right social worker for us.

Planting Flowers

Well normally one would look forward to planting flowers and I was honestly looking forward to planting flowers in my hanging flower baskets until about 20 minutes ago. I was having trouble sleeping tonight and when I finally got up to see what was wrong I went to look in the mirror to discover my eyes were swelling shut at an alarming rate. I needed to find some benadryl quick to stop the reaction. I am allergic to something, and that something is most likely the new flowers we purchased to plant. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I take up gardening and this is my reward. Oh well as long as the swelling is gone by Thursday!

We have our final home study visit on Thursday morning. Yeah for that! We are excited for this chapter in the adoption process to be over. However I must admit that I will miss getting to talk about my amazing husband, our marriage, and myself with our social worker! Once this phase of the journey is over it will be a waiting game as to how long it will be before our arms are filled with our precious little child who will be ours!

While we wait we have decided to pursue further fertility treatments. The agency that we are going through allows couples to pursue adoption and fertility treatments at the same time so we will try both for a while. in the days ahead as we wait we will have to be conscious of the fact that our hope is not to be placed in the adoption process, or the different fertility procedures. Our hope must remain in our Heavenly Father, and Him alone. And the hope we have needs to be that through this God has a plan and will work everything out the way God desires things to be redeemed. Not the way I Leanne Marie Krahn wants everything to work out. If that makes sense?

Anyways enough ramblings for now I am going to go try to read my self to sleep, that is if I can see that page through swollen eyes!

Life and Adventures

Do you ever find it hard to watch as the ones you love make choices that only hurt them? I know that as family and friends we need to sometimes stand by and let our loved ones make these choices and face the consequences. Yet I find it so hard to stand by. That is my short vent without saying much.

With everything going on I am grateful the amazing husband I have. A husband who honours me with his actions, and who desires to make sure I feel secure and protected. No marriage is perfect, no husband is perfect and yet I have an amazing husband. If you only could meet him and see how tender, loving, gentle and kind he is you would know that I have a amazing one of a kind husband.

We had a bit of an adventure this weekend. We ventured out east as far as Calgary on our motor bike. We were expecting weather like we had during the week. However that is not what we got. Instead we got rain, hail, and snow. I have never prayed so hard in all the years I have been on the back of the bike with Jeral as I did this weekend. A motorcycle crash because of cruddy weather is not how I want to leave this world. However despite the weather I was determined to make the best of the circumstances! We enjoyed just being with each other, and I learned something new. Jeral thinks that riding the bike together is romantic!!!!!!! Now I would not tend to go that way, however now that I know Jeral thinks this is romantic I will offer to go on more bike rides with him rain or shine!

A Snake Story

So I wish I had a picture of us with the snake however I do not so a picture taken off the internet will have to do. For those of you who do not know I have been for years very afraid of snakes. Any kind of snake, it didn't matter I would run screaming. This is in part to a few traumatic events as a young child that involved rattle snakes and garter snakes.

Anyways this fear came to the surface this past week when I over reacted to a rubber snake. Trust me the reaction was way over the top and not warranted for a toy rubber snake. So I spent some time talking to Jesus about it and left it at that. Not really sure what steps I would take if any to overcome my fear of snakes.

Well Tuesday I came face to face with my fear once again. My friend and I went for a walk with her little boy at Mill Lake in Abbotsford, and while we were walking a couple came walking in our direction. the young woman was carrying a lizard of some sort and the man had a 6 foot rug python wrapped around him. Marie stopped to talk with them and let her son touch the snake. I stood back and had to take lots of deep breaths to calm my anxiety levels. I was ready to pee my pants. However as I kept breathing I decided that I had been presented with an opportunity to take one small step to overcome my fear. So with a few more deep breaths I asked to touch the snake. It was a very quick touch at first followed by lots of breathing, and then I decided to touch the snake and not take my hand off of it right away! Seriously this was a huge step for me. Still not ready to hold a snake anytime soon, however just being able to touch it was a miracle, and a huge growth opportunity for me.

Jeral and I leave tomorrow morning for our little get away. We are looking forward to spending Saturday evening with some friends of mine from back in the good old Bethany days! I am looking forward to going to the Calgary Zoo, and who knows maybe I will walk through the reptile area now. Ummm, maybe not!

Just What I Needed

I recenlty had a conversation that left me feel a little vulnerable. Okay actually very vulnerable. During the course of the conversation I began to feel the need to defend myself all the details of the things she was struggling to believe and yet is now saying she is choosing to believe. Which in turn would have left me feeling even more vulnerable to a person who is not really trustworthy with my deepest hurts or my most treasured pearls.

However in my dersire to grow deeper with God I got home and took time for myself and spent time soaking in God's presence and God knew just what I needed. The following is a quote I read from a book last night. "You're the only one who decides who gets to hear your story. Only you can determine who will have the high honour of getting to know the real you." God knew I would need to hear those words. Just because someone is demanding details, or questioning in an attempt to get details to any aspect of our lives does not mean we have to give them the answers they want.

I am once again reminded that they way people respond actually has nothing to do with me. Instead others reactions have more to do with them and what is going on in their lives.

Anyways before I got to bed tonight I was reading 1 John 2 and this verse also spoke deeply to everything I have been processing and sorting out.

1 John 2:27

But you have received the Holy Spirit, the anointing," and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you all things, and what he teaches is true ? it is not a lie. So continue in what he has taught you, and continue to live in Christ. with God. God I love how God just knows!