Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Blanket or Mommy?
Being a mom changes your perspective on things a lot. The other night I was trying to get Kenzie to go to sleep, however every time I put her down she woke up and started crying, and I let her cry for a few minutes to see if she would fall asleep however each time she got louder and louder. The reality was I wanted her to go to sleep so I could crochet for a bit before I went to bed. Yeah – that is totally not the right motivation, even though the blanket is for her. As I was holding her I started thinking as Kenzie grows up what do I want her to remember about me her mother? Do I want to her to remember that I wanted her to go to sleep because I wanted to crochet or watch tv without her there, or do I want Kenzie to remember me as a mommy who was never too busy to hold her and snuggle with her? Would Kenzie rather have a soft fuzzy blanket made by me, or would she rather have me? AS of now I think the answer is me, and trust me I know that will not always be the answer. Yes I am tired and not sure what day is what most of the time, and yet seriously who cares? Please do not hear me wrong as a mom you have to do what you have to do to stay sane, and trust me I have made my fair share of decisions to stay sane. I am not judging those who have done the crying it out so they sleep at night, if that is what you need to do then that is what you need to do. Fortunately Jeral is home in the morning so if it has been a rough night he lets me sleep, because some nights/days I only get to sleep for those 3-4 hours in the morning. I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, I want to be a mom who would rather cuddle and snuggle despite how tired I am, or what I may really want to do, than a mom who would rather do all those things. I want my children to always have a memory of me as a mommy who was there to hold them and love them even if they are un able to express why they are crying or screaming. I know that I will fail at this at times – I know I am not the perfect mom, no matter how much I wish I was. I just want to be a mom that puts aside the not important stuff like crocheting a blanket to be there for my babes!
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4 comments:
What a good reminder Leanne! It's easy to forget when life gets so busy; I'll remember that today when Anika asks to read story #300 of the day. (I love all your crocheting projects though; those hats were adorable, and I can't wait to see the blanket when you get the chance to finish it!)
Good on you Leanne! I'd like to help you out some time. I remember what it is like to be sleep deprived.
You are such a good mom!
That is soo awesome! I totally agree with you! I know exactly what you're talking about since I have a ton of different projects I work on... but our babies are only this small once and only adore us this much for such a short time. I always whisper in Micah's ear as I rock him at 3am (sometimes he still wakes up -of course, or last night it was 4times!!) and I hug him and hug him and try to treasure every moment... so I know what you mean and you will never regret doing what you're doing.
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