The Best Gifts!

Okay so teo posts in one day I must be on a roll or else I have a lot of time on my hands right now. I think it is both actually. So I just finished cleaning out the pantry! Yeah for that, well I still have to sweep and wipe things down however that is the easy part now. However is it not my favorite part.

Anyways I was spending some quiet time with Jesus this morning in my room and I spent some time with Jesus discussing gifts! Not spiritual gifts, as important as they are Jesus and I were talking about the kind of gifts you give to people. God's word does say that every good and perfect gift comes from God. So why is that at times we do not always think that gifts (aka circumstances in our lives) are good and perfect. As I pondered this several things were pointed out to me.

First because we as humans cannot see the big picture we don't always see that the current circumstances in our lives are the best possible for us. I am not saying this from a postion of oh my life is great and I have everything I want. Don't get me wrong I have a great life. Nothing really to complain about or want for. Except for one thing. Jeral and I want a child, and we have been trying to get pregnant, however I have fertility issues and at this time getting pregnant does not seem to be an option. So my question is how can this be the best possible gift from God at the moment, the gift of barren womb? Especially when I want another gift so badly.

Secondly the lack of a gift may actually be a greater gift than I could have ever imagined. As much as I desire to be a mother I desire to be a healthy mother. One who has come to a place of acceptance who I am and to love myself as my heavenly DADA loves me. This is a gift I would like to be able to pass onto my children. A mother who is okay with who she is and can accept herself and not spend so much time occupied with what others think of her. So then in essence the lack of the ability at this time to have children is really a gift, because I have the gift of more time to have an amazing woman journey with me on my journey towards healing and wholeness. If you would have asked me eight months ago, or even a two months ago I would have not been able to have seen my barreness as a gift. My heart still aches a bit everytime I do say or write this, and yet I know it is true. For right now in this moment the best gift that Jesus can gift me is the gift of JOY! And in return I can give God the gift of time. Time to allow my Heavenly DADA to healing my heart so in the future I can be the best mother He desires and created me to be.

Thirdly, I am confident that the gift of barreness is only for a time. It is the best gift I could have for now. In the Bible there are countless stories of women who were barren and then God opened up their wombs when the time was right. Call it God birth control if you would like! I am trusting that one day I will get to tell my family, and friends God has given Jeral and i the gift of parenthood. In the mean time I will trust God to give me the strength I need to trust that my barreness is the best gift I could have for now.

For those who may read this I would ask that you pray for Jeral and I. Handing over the desire to be parents and trust God is hard and yet we know it will be rewarding in the end!

Blessings, Leanne