Getting Tired

This weekend, starting with tomorrow evening I am hosting a silent retreat here at my home. I know some of you are thinking silent, what is that all about. Well Friday night is not silent, Saturday is though. The whole idea is to relax and calm one self and just spending time listening, and talking to Jesus. That may be through His word, or it may be through impressions left on your heart, or it maybe through something else he directs us to lead.

In preparation we have been asked to read 1 Samuel 2:1-10, and Luke 1:46-55. These are the prayers of Hannah and Mary after they had become with child. Funny that the theme verses deal are about two miraculous births, and that is what I am praying for.

One of the ladies coming is very pregnant right now, and know it will be hard to be in the same room with her. I had not thought about this until tonight, or may have though twice before I agreed to allow my home to be used for this. I am excited for what God has in store for every woman coming here and I am afraid that I will get so wrapped up in seeing my pregnant friend, and that I will get stuck on that.

As I was cleaning up the kitchen and setting the living room up I told Jesus how tired I am, it has been nearly two years. I just want to get pregnant and have a baby, my baby. I want to be able to go to the family Christmas with all my relatives and be able to look at my sister and be happy for her with out the pain I feel in regards to my empty womb. I want to be able to go to church and see my friends who are pregnant and not need to leave because I am in tears yet again. And yet I told Jesus that no matter how hard this is and no matter how much it hurts I will trust Him. I am just tired right now and do not have the strength to walk on my own, so I need hi to carry me. I am blessed that I know He is able to carry me and is carrying me. What an amazing Heavenly Father we have, I have!!!!! And He is good in everything He is good!!!!!!