A Weekend Away

I got the blessing of going to a Retreat Centre this past weekend, and it was so nice to have that time to sit at the feet of Jesus. Funny thing is that when I got home Jeral said he now understands how I feel when he goes away on long motorcycle trips. He was lonely and missed me so much being here at home by himself. Yeah for revelation! He said no more long motor cycle trips, just short one. I wonder if he will remember that when his uncles keep asking him to go on the trip to the States.

This weekend as I read over and over again the story of Jesus healing the Leper (Matthew 8:1-4), and the story of Jesus healing blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52), I asked Jesus why is it that he healed people differently. I love the idea of being healed by a touch, so why would Jesus not use touch to heal everyone he healed?

Well as I sat reading the stories over and over again. I imagined putting myself in the place of those who were healed, and asked what would I need if I was the leper who came to Jesus or if I was Bartimaeus the blind man. As the leper I would have missed the touch of my friends as I hugged them to greet them, or the familiar touch of my family (man would I ever miss snuggles with Jeral if we would have lived back then). As much as I would need and want physical healing I think I would also want to know that in my state of being "unclean or untouchable" that I was loved enough to be touched, hugged, snuggled with, etc. Jesus did that before he uttered the words "I am willing, be clean," he touched the man. Jesus the son of God, who is God saw what this man needed most and that was to be touched. Healing was the want, the need was to be touched.

As I sat with the story of Bartimaeus and though about what it must have been like to be him. I imagined that through out his whole life as he called out begging to people that more often than not, people would just put money into his cup and slip away, or they would try to quietly get passed him in the hopes that he would not even notice they were there. He did not need the touch that the leper needed. His family and friends would have to touch him to lead him around. What this man needed was to be noticed, and Jesus did just that. Instead of trying to keep walking with the crowds and ignoring Bartimaeus, Jesus stopped and called for Bartimaeus. He talked with Bartimaeus - he let Baritmaeus know that he was worthy of being noticed. Something that probably had not happened for Bartimaeus entire life. His family as much as they loved him, just put him out every day to beg for money to earn his keep and totally strangers as much as some would take pity on him and give him money, I doubt that they ever took the time to stop, notice and talk to Batrimaeus. Jesus took the time to stop, notice, and talk!

So as I sat with Jesus in these stories I realized Jesus come to us and heals us in unique and individual ways, because we are all unique and individual people, whose needs are different. Jesus knows the deepest needs we have. Needs that may be so deep we are unable to see them. Looking back I know I begged Jesus for healing these past three plus years. Healing so I could get pregnant. Instead Jesus say a need for a deeper healing, which did not look like the healing I was asking for. In hindsight I know that I have needed these last three years with Joy, and Marie for reasons that will stay between us. However I am grateful that Jesus saw what I need and chose that path of healing, instead of the one I wanted. Yes I know it is easy for me to say that now because in the end I also got the healing I wanted which I am thankful for.

Well this is long and I need to go clean another room in the house in the hopes that it will stay clean until December 19th when my entire extended family is here!