Creating New Brain Pathways

I unsure about the rest of you, however for me I find it hard to believe that God loves me, and that God is a GOOD and LOVING FATHER. I find it difficult not because He isn't, instead because I do not feel deserving of such a wonderfully amazing Father. I have lots of father wounds from childhood, and I am working on them.

One thing I find interesting is that when studying a bit about the brain, our brains do what they know. So if we think people are mad at us when they are not in a talkative mood, our brain translates that "he or she must be mad at us," and we go about feeling awful trying to figure out what we did wrong. It may be that the person is tired or has had a rough day, and the silence has nothing to do with me. Or say in childhood something happened and you started to hate your self and feel as though you were not worthy of being loved. If that thought is reinforced enough a path way in the brain is formed and subsequently that will be the path the brain takes. It takes time to undo the old unhealthy pathways and form new one. I am learning this now.

For some of us we come to view God as Father that rewards us with good things, the things we want and desire when we are measuring up, and so He must love us in those moments. When we mess up or something we want God does not grant us, then He must be mad at us and hate us. So in my desire to truly believe that my Heavenly DADA loves me I am working on creating new pathways every night before I go to bed. I grab my note pad, and a pen and I take 10 minutes to do the following:

I wake up in the morning: HE LOVES ME!
I once again find out I am not pregnant: HE IS HOLDING ME AND HE STILL LOVES ME!
I cry, I scream, I sob, I hit the walls, I swear: HE UNDERSTANDS AND HE LOVES ME!
A friend calls to let me know she is here for me: HE LOVES ME!
My in laws come over unannounced: HE IS WITH ME AND HE LOVES ME!
A friend drops by with a hug and a gift: HE KNOWS JUST WHAT I NEED AND HE LOVES ME
I cry some more: HE LOVES ME!
I stuff my face full of food: HE LOVES ME, EVERY INCH OF ME HE LOVES ME!
I didn't do my homework for the day: HE HAS COMPASSION ON ME AND HE LOVES ME!
I am unable to fall asleep: HE LOVES ME!
I wake up once again from a nightmare feeling guilt and shame: IT IS HIS ARMS I CURL UP IN AND HE LOVES ME!

I started doing this the day after we found out I was not pregnant again. I often feel that the reason God is with holding children is a punishment, and that would be the default path my brain takes. And I say no more to this. My prayer is that a new pathway will be formed, one in which I am confident in the love of my Heavenly DADA God! I pray the same for you.