Facing What Is

So the last time I was down in Abbotsford seeing my counselor, she said something to me that has sort of stuck, and given me lots to think about. She said that if I was able to face what is then maybe the phase of life I am in would not hurt as much. I may have a few words messed up however that is the general jist of what she said.

How do I face what is when I don't even always know what it. I have given this lots of thought in the past two days. So what is and what do I need to face? Is it that I may never have a biological child? Only God knows that for sure. So what so I know for sure that I can face.

Well here is what I believe the answer is. What I need to face is that I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). That is a for sure. I have spent the better part of 10 years trying to ignore or live as though having PCOS means that I can continue on in my life style. Here is the thing, when someone is diagnosed with high blood pressure, or high cholesterol if they ignore it the out come could mean death. When the condition they have is treatable, and if they follow the prescribed advice then life can be full and long. Well having PCOS means that I am prone to high blood pressure, and high cholesterol, and being over weight, and fertility issues, and heart stuff etc., the list could go on. Right now at the stage of life I am in I am over weight and well from previous blogs I think you can gather that we are struggling with fertility. I am blessed that outside of those two conditions the rest of the bigger ones I am not affected by. Blood pressure is good, and so is the cholesterol. However if I keep ignoring this and living as though I don't have PCOS the other conditions will gradually creep into my life.

So what does facing that I have PCOS means for me? I am not sure yet. I do know that it means reading books in the topic. I just bought a cook book created for women with PCOS. I am looking forward to it arriving. Not necessarily looking forward to the flavor less foods I am about to start eating, however for a longer life and a healthier life the change is going to be worth it. It also means exercising. I found this so much easier when I was in Bible College playing sports, or when I was at camp running around. I hate exercising and I do not have the motivation. however I know that this is something I need to do.

I have never been skinny and I honestly do not desire to be a skinny stick of a person. I just want to be healthy. I hate that not being pregnant is what is giving me the time to look at some of these things and the time I need to work on making the changes. However today I read a tacky church sign the said, "Sometimes God gives us what we need in packages that we do not want." So maybe what I need is in the package of an empty womb. I hate that and yet at least for today I can see the truth and the good in it.

This in not going to be easy and yet I know I will find away to do make the changes. I have never been one to give up. I am a little stubborn that way. Maybe that is why it has taken me 10 years to really acknowledge this. However now it is time for change!