Surrender

"Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience. Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings- anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief."

~ Melody Beattie - The Language of Letting Go


I will trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation.

~ Psalm 13:5a

I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope for you name is good.

~ Psalm 52: 8b-9


I recently had a friend send me an email about faith being trust, and trust being surrender. It makes sense that faith is a form of trust, and that trust is really surrender.

How can I say I trust God and yet not surrender to His will? The answer is I can not, and instead of saying my head gets this and my heart does not, I need to just say that I am not there yet. To try and disconnect the head and the heart to attempt to sell to others that I trust God and have surrendered to Him, may fool them, however it will never fool God because He designed us to be wholly connected. My brain, and my heart are connect and are one. They work together, so if I am not there I need to stop blaming it on one or the other and just say DADA I am not there!

Fortunately for me today I am there. I know that surrendering my deepest desires to be a mom to Jesus is not going to be easy. I don't think it is meant to be easy. I know for today I can let whatever Jesus' will for me in this matter be what it is for today.

Surrender is also a personal process. It is something that only I can do for my self. My husband is not able to surrender for me, my therapist is not able to surrender for me, and my friends are not able to surrender for me. Only I am able to to do that, only I am able to choose that for myself.

For today I do know this and I am there, that Jesus is good, His love is unfailing. He never questions His love for me, even when I question it because I do not get what I want. My heavenly DADA is good right to the very core, and His plan is best for me. So I choose to have faith, I choose to trust and I choose to surrender.

On a different note Jeral and I are driving to Abbotsford today, and we are having coffee with his Uncle and Aunt. I have avoided this for almost two years now. They are people who like to pry and ask a ton of questions, and we know the baby question will come up, and we know that Jeral's mother has told the family everything about my having PCOS. I am starting to feel a little anxious about this coffee time. I am breathing and calming myself down. So if you could pray for us, for me that would be great. Please especially pray that I do not saying anything rude.

Blessings to all!

Leanne