Last week was a rough week no doubt about it and yet we are so blessed. My homework assignment has taken its toll on both Jeral and I. However we have amazing friends who are praying for both of us. Yes it is hard for me to have to remember all this stuff and then write it our s my husband can read it. I have already lived through this stuff. Jeral on the other hand is not reading about the things my father did to me, and that is hard on him. Yet we are making it through this time.

I am also blessed to have an amazing woman walking this journey with me. I know that I can trust her, and I know that she knows me well enough to know what will help me and what will not.

Today I got to spend the day with my God daughters. I love getting to spend the day with them. We found a baby praise DVD that was hidden somewhere and I put it on. The youngest wanted to be held because she was crying, so I picked her up and sang along with the DVD. As I was singing I started crying. I was shocked that I was crying. Then I through tears told Jesus how disappointed I am that I think I am not pregnant this time.

I guess that with my body giving me all the signs that I am going to cycle yet again this month I have let go of the hope that I am pregnant this time around. I won't know for sure until Thursday this week, however since I am not at home then I will wait until that night or Friday morning. I really want this month to be the month. I am not sure how I will make it through all the family Christmas' with famly goo goo gawing over my sister and her being pregnant. She deserves the attention and I want people to be happy for her, and it still hurts. It really, really hurts.

Yet in the midst of everything going on I am choosing to trust Jesus. I know his plans are not meant to harm Jeral and I. I know that he cries with us as we cry, and I know that withholding our desire from us hurts Jeus more than it hurts us, because He is a good Father who wants to see His children happy, however He still does what is best for us.

Well I am going to go take a nice relaxing bath with a warm cup of hot chocolate and Bailey's. Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!