3rd Anniversary

Wow three years ago today I was getting ready to marry Jeral! Looking back the last three year we have both grown a lot, and we have grown together and we are looking forward to continuing to grow in the years a head of us.

Last year on our anniversary we went to Kelowna and stayed at Okanagan Lake Resort. This year will be a little different, and since the roads are not so good today we probably will not venture out of Armstrong. Last year at this time we were also hurting a lot because I still was not pregnant. My how times have changed. Last year on our anniversary we spent the entire evening discussing (okay arguing) what the next steps would be in growing our family. I wanted to pursue the fertility route, and the adoption route all at once. Jeral needed time to think, and in the end he choose the adoption route. So that is the journey we set out on. The fertility route seemed a little more risky and less likely to give us children, and the reality is that we had money set aside for one and not for both, so we had to choose. Adoption it was, and once we were well into the process Jeral decided that he would like us to try some of the less expensive fertility procedures. I honestly did not think they would work - however I was wrong.

Now a year later we have our daughter who we have been blessed to adopt, and I am pregnant with our son. We feel doubly blessed. A year ago I would never have believed this is how our life would turn out. Like I have said before I would have laughed the same way Sarah laughed when she over heard God tell Abraham that she in her old age would become pregnant. This journey has put a new perspective on that story for me as well as other Biblical stories.

So today my husband and I celebrate 3 years together, and we also celebrate new beginnings!

Merry Christmas and Week 25

WELL I AM SITTING AT MY COMPUTER WITH MY AMAZING MIRACLE DAUGHTER AL SNUGGLY WRAPPED IN THE SLING I MADE AND IT IS CHRISTMAS!!!!!! WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT??? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! WE HOPE THAT EVERYONE HAS HAD A FANTASTIC CHRISTMAS.

BELOW ARE SOME PICTURES OF MACKENZIE JOY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

SNUGGLING WITH MOMMY!

CAN YOU FIND MACKENZIE IN ALL OF HER CHRISTMAS LOOT?

DADDY BLOWING KISSES ON MACKENZIE'S TUMMY JUST AFTER A POOPY DIAPER CHANGE. OUR DAUGHTER IS A GREAT POOPER!

MOMMY FEEDING MACKENZIE JOY!

SERIOUSLY OUR DAUGHTER IS THE GREATEST JOY WE COULD EVER BE GIVEN. YES WE ARE TIRED AND YES THIS MOMMY AT NIGHT WORRIES ABOUT HER LITTLE GIRL BREATHING AND ALL THAT TYPICAL FIRST TIME MOMMY STUFF.

AS FOR JARIS HE IS DOING WELL. KICKING UP A STORM AND THIS MOMMY LOVES THAT. WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE BIRTH OF OUR SON IN ABOUT 14.5 WEEKS. IN THE MEAN TIME I WILL NEED TO REMEMBER TO EAT REGULARLY AND DRINKS LOTS OF WATER TO TAKE CARE OUR OUR LITTLE ONE GROWING INSIDE OF ME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!! LOVE ALL OF US

MacKenzie Joy

Here are some pictures of our daughter MacKenzie Joy! She is the greatest gift we could ever be given and we are so thankful she is our daughter! I will post more pictures of her in days to come. She was born on December 21st at 6:50 pm weighing 7 pounds and 10 ounces and she was 19.5 inches long. We are all doing well and enjoying being at home!

The Joy Club

One of my closest friends was over tonight and boy was it ever good to see her. I am so used to seeing her every other week for the past three plus years. Tonight was also the first time she and her husband have been to our house since Jeral and I got married! Our time was brief and yet it was so good!

So tonight we decided that the group to belong to is the "Joy Club". There are five of us in the group. There are many more member to this group however 5 of us know each other. Three of who are still active, or sort of active members. I am no longer one of those active members - after three and a bit years my membership came to an end. However if I were asked or given a choice between being and active member of the "JOY CLUB" or getting to be a mommy to two amazing little miracles - I would choose without even blinking being a mommy to two amazing little miracles. Despite the fact that we are still waiting for the arrival of the first one. Soon though!

How can you tell that I am just wasting time as we wait for our important phone call!!!!!!

Little did I know that when I became a "member" of the "Joy Club" that 4 of my good friends would eventually also become members of the club. It is funny how life works. If only the ring leader of the club could be a bug on the wall and hear us talk about her!

Over Doing it and Other things

Okay so I am about to admit that I have over done it the last few days, and now I am exhausted! Thus I went to bed last night around 10 pm and stayed in bed until 10:30 am this morning. No church for me today - just rest and relaxing as we wait for a very important phone call. I am even not getting all fancy and making a homemade ice cream cake for the Krahn/Cowie Christmas tonight. Instead Jeral is picking up an ice cream cake from DQ on the way home from church this afternoon.

Last night my sister in law and I were talking and she told me that when she asked us a month and a bit ago if we would be willing to go a head with something if one of the couples who had our profile still picked us - she knew that the birth mom in Kamloops had pretty much picked us and something was about to happen. I am so proud of her for not telling us what she knew at that point, and for just letting things play out.

Jeral and I are both in agreement - the birth mom of our soon to be daughter or son is an amazing woman and special woman. It is not necessary for us to agree on this however it is nice to hear him put into words what my heart already feels. This journey has been full of twists and turns and we know in the days and years a head there will be more twists and turns as we embark on the adventure of parenthood!

Still Waiting!

As of Saturday night at 11 pm we still are waiting! Babies come when they want to come.

I find myself wondering what he or she will look like. Truth be told though no matter what we are already in love with this little one and he or she will be the most adorable and beautiful to us.

Please keep praying for the birth mom! All of this is taking a emotional toll on her.

Week 24

Well Jaris has been kicking up a storm this week - it's like he knows something amazing is about to happen and he is excited about it!!!!!! Since he has been moving so much we have not used the doppler to listen to his heart beat. I must say I am looking forward to when Jaris is big enough that I can roll over in the middle of the night and let him kick Jeral in the back when Jeral is snoring!!!!!!!

I am realizing more and more that when I was not pregnant I was capable of doing way more in a day than I am now. Oh well I soon will not even care about anything other than holding my babies in my arms - so if you visit us in the future the house will most likely not be up to my standard for company, however holding and playing with my children is way more important than cleaning the house or getting the dishes done!!!!!! Those are all things that can be done later!

This weekend is going to be busy. Jeral's sister and her family are coming for the weekend, we have a large Pauls' Family Christmas in Sorrento, the Krahn Christmas is on Sunday, then on Monday one of my closest and best friends is coming over, and somewhere in there I have a baby shower to attend also.. However in all honesty we would be over the moon to miss out on all of this just to get the phone call saying the Birth Mom is in labor and we need to get to Kamloops.

I think it is time for this tired mama to go to bed - blessings and have a great night!

So I just talked with the Social Worker who called to make sure that we still knew that everything was still going a head in regards to the adoption plan, it is just that the Birth Mom is no where near going into labor. The baby has not yet turned. It seems he or she just wants to stay in there a little while longer. The plan is that if she has not gone into labor before then, they will induce on Christmas Eve. I double checked to see if the Birth Mom still wants us at the hospital with her and she wants us there, so we will be there with her whenever that day comes.

In the mean time please pray for the Birth Mom, I know that there is no way we can imagine the emotions she is feeling right now. We are feeling a ton of emotions and those pale in comparison to what she is feeling. Also pray for the little one inside of her. Pray that he or she will turn in the next day and that labor will happen naturally. We know that the Birth Mom had really wanted to go back home for Christmas and spend it with her husband - however Jeral and I will gladly be her family over Christmas if she is unable to get home for it!

Patiently and Peacefully Waiting!

Nothing So Far

Well today has come and gone and so far no call to tell us to get our butts to Kamloops for the birth of Krahn Baby #1. Oh well this is the reality of being pregnant. Just because you have a due date does not mean that the baby is going to come on that day.

Today I made a sling. However, note to self - next time do not use flannel fabric as it is too think - so I wasted a bunch of fabric and money. Oh well - after the baby is born I will get some other fabric and get my niece to sew the sling instead. As I am sure that I will be to busy and occupied with cuddle time and sleeping when the baby sleeps. In the mean time to make sure that we have a sling I made some adjustments so what I made will function. Our hope is that with carrying the baby around in the sling it will make it harder for people to accost us at church or family gatherings to hold the baby. For now only mommy and daddy will hold our child to aid bonding and attachment, seeing that bonding and attachment is very different when you adopt a child. The reality is our first baby will not know us as mommy and daddy right away - we will be strangers when he or she is placed in our arms, and that is why we are choosing to be very protective of our bonding and attachment time. However we will have to wait for that a little while longer!

Patiently waiting!

Patiently Waiting

So tomorrow is the official due date of the Birth mom who has picked us to adopt her precious little one. We are waiting patiently at home, and hoping the the snow stops falling, so we will not have to drive at snails pace to get to Kamloops. However if driving at a snails pace to Kamloops is what it takes to get us there safely then, we will drive slowly. I may drive to Kamloops tomorrow just in case - we will see!

As we wait I have sewn about 20 receiving blankets, and not to keep my self busy I am going around them with a blanket stitch - however tomorrow I may paint instead to keep myself busy.

Jeral has gotten to feel Jaris kicking for the last three days. Feeling our son kick so much truly is amazing. We could and sometimes do sit for extended periods of time just enjoying all the kicks.

I bought a sling the other day for Baby Krahn #1 and when I got it home I realized it was not the right size I could barely get it on me let alone put a baby in it also. Oh well - through the mishap I found that I have a friend who custom makes slings, so we are going to have her make two slings so that when we have both babies I can put one on each hip and walk around doing house stuff that is if I have any energy to do that. This mamma may just snuggle and cuddle all day with her babies!

Oh well - still patiently waiting and jumping to get the phone whenever it rings!

Week 23

Nothing much new this week. Some days Jaris kicks up a storm and then other days he is not as active. On the not so active day I am happy that we bought the doppler to listen to our amazing little one's heart beat. Seriously it is the best sound in the world to us right now.

I did break down and get the H1N1 flu shot, much to the dismay of a few friends however, so far so good. No reactions on my part and our little boy is still kicking his mama!

Funny as our little ones get older we do our best to teach them not to kick and punch others, or even us. However when the little one is inside growing we want him to kick punch move do whatever just we know that he is there! My thinking is he better get in all the kicking and punching now while he can.

I have sewn 10 receiving blankets and think today I will go get some more fabric and sew a few more. I find myself needing to do things to pass the time as we wait for our first little one to get here! Only 4 more days - unless the birth mom goes into labor early or later. Here is hoping early is what happens.

My sister in law called the other day and told me that if I wanted a bunch of bottles, a formula mixer, a cleaning brush, and a bottle warmer that the family who adopted the baby of a birth mother that Jeral and I know had dropped them off at the agency and I could have them. Sweet, YES!!!!!!! So we are set with a lot of bottles! Yeah for mixing the bottles once a day and then just grabbing them out of the fridge to warm it up.

Just a thought to end with - sometimes life changes at lightening fast speed, and other times changes happen at a snails pace, and actually most of the time different aspects of life change fast while at the same time other aspects are change slowly. I guess I am realizing how fast our life has changed in the past few weeks - it took what felt like forever to get to the place of getting to be parents to our own children and now we will have two very shortly. I am also realizing that while this change has happened quickly - other things I desire to change are going slowly. I guess the task at hand for me is to embrace the growth no matter how fast or slow it happens!

Week 22

Well this morning as I was using our doppler to attempt to listen to Jaris' heart beat, he kicked it. Seriously our little boy kicked that part of my tummy and caused the doppler to jumped. It was quite the sight and I was a little startled. Soon and very soon Jeral will get to experience the joys of feeling Jaris kick.

Today Jeral and I took a date day. We went to Kelowna and shopped for clothing for Jeral, got him a few CD's that he wanted, and then we were able to find the perfect locket for the Birth Mom. We also got some bottles, a few receiving blankets, and two soothers. It is weird going from preparing for one baby to preparing for two babies, and yet we love it. I f the birth mom has not gone into Labour by Monday I will go get some fabric and sew some more receiving blankets.

I am still working on saying no and being okay with it. I am not one to enjoy feeling as though I have failed at being "Super Woman," so we were still going to host the large 40 plus people family Christmas on December 19th. I know crazy, and totally insane! Yet trust me the more people said we needed to back out the more determined I was to host the Christmas - be Super Mom, and Super Host. However the wisdom of Jesus prevailed and we have decided not to host the family Christmas this year. Reality is that we have no idea if the Birth Mom will give birth by her due date, and it is not fair to our new little one, or to the little one growing in my tummy to add all the extra stress of pulling off and hosting a huge Family Christmas. I am not able to do it all. Yes I know astounding, Leanne actually admitted that she is not able to do it all. Well it is true and I am slowly becoming okay with that reality!!!! :)

Relaxing Day!

Okay so since we found out about being selected to adopt this amazing little miracle I have been in the mind set that I have to be productive and get everything done - namely so I will not have to ask for as much help until baby #2 comes along. Oiy! So the old Leanne thinking and not the one I have grown into and become. So far I have 20 jars of borscht frozen and ready to go for lunches, and five frozen meals - the ideas was to get at least two weeks of frozen meals ready to go and who knows maybe I will get that done eventually. However today I am having a nice relaxing unproductive day by human standards (by my standards). I am going to sit and read, maybe crochet a little, sleep if I feel like it watch a movie or two, or three (okay maybe that is pushing it), and spending some time hanging out with two little girls. This maybe the last day I get to veg out since the B.M. is due in 11 days. So crazy how fast this has all come about and yet, seriously these past few days have gone by so slowly. Oh well, patience is what I will have to practice.

The Nursery and Christmas Stuff

The nursery! We painted it this brown color because Jeral had painted it a green color and oiy, nope not a fan of the color he picked! So far this is all we have in the nursery. When my in laws get back from the USA they are bringing a wardrobe with them that my father in law is building for our babies! In the next week or so we are getting a shelving unit, so soon it will get filled up, and once the babies are in there I am sure there will be toys and clothes all over the place!

The matching crib and change table. We still have yet to buy the mattress pad, however that is on the agenda for this weekend. I hand stitched the blanket on the back of the crib and also the cover for the mattress pad, and we have one more hand stitched blanket.

The crib and chair. The crib bedding was a gift from my mother, and the chair well that I just put in the room for now because I wanted to fill the room up a little bit more!

Close up of the crib! It will convert into a toddler bed and then a double bed later on! So there you have the nursery. It is crazy to think that soon we will have one little one in our arms most likely. I can hardly wait for the phone call telling us that we need to get to the hospital to be there for the birth of Krahn Baby #1. However I will have to wait patiently and find things to keep this waiting mama occupied.

The Christmas tree in the window upstairs in my painting room.

Something for the entrance way.

Decorations on the new entertainment unit and TV, also the new chair and new ottoman/coffee table are in the picture!

Decorations on the fire place mantle and if you are paying attention you can see the pile of laundry in the corner of the love seat that I needed to fold that day.

Living room Christmas tree!

Week 20 and 21

Well I dropped the ball with the update last week and almost forgot to update thins week with all the exciting news about getting to adopt a precious little miracle..

I will keep this short and basically say that little Jaris is kicking a lot these days, and when I say a lot I mean a lot! I am looking forward to the day that Jeral can see and feel our little ones kicks. AS he gets bigger I am experiencing more and more heart burn, so bring on the tums, and bring on the ice cream.

We have our bedroom already to go and the nursery is painted and starting to get set up. Jeral put the crib up last night and some time tonight he is setting up the change table. Eventually we will put a comfy chair in there too, for now the chair stays in our bedroom though.

Life is a little crazy around here as we begin to settle into the idea that we need to get everything ready to go for a little one coming in about two weeks. Life with two little miracles will be interesting and very busy. This mama may go a little crazy some days, and that is all part of the journey!

Adoption Update

Well I thought I would not be posting any more updates about our journey to Adopt because we thought that door was closed and locked, when really the door was only closed so it could be opened when the time was right! And guess what the time is right!

Here is the story of our journey. To date since we have started the journey to be parents we have had now 3 little ones we came close to adopting into our family, however each time the door got closed. Each time my heart broke, so we deactivated our file. After all I was in my second trimester and we thought that is what we had to do.

About a 5 weeks ago we got an email in regards to a little baby girl born in February of 2009 who was being placed for a private adoption. At first we thought that we would not considered for her so we did not give it a second thought. However after talking with Jeral's sister we realized that because she and the little one growing inside of me were born in different calendar years, we could possibly be picked to adopt her. So we added our profile to the other profiles she was looking at.

So when I got a phone call a week ago from the Agency we are with I thought it was about the February baby. The news was that the birth family was still deciding, and as of now it looked like we were to top pick. They were just concerned about how far away we lived. As I was about to say something about that, the social worker continued to tell me about another Birth Mom (one we had no clue was even looking at us), who had picked us and wanted to meet with us the following week. I almost fell over when she said that. Then I had to sit down when she said that this birth mom is due December 14th, 2009. AHHHHHHHH that is just over three weeks at that time, now just over 2 weeks.

When I got home Jeral and I talked about the pros and cons, and well in the end the conversation shifted from do we really want to do this - two little ones 4 months apart - to well what name will we use if this little one is a boy? How will the family Christmas with my extended family look since we are hosting it? We realized that without actually saying yes our conversation had shifted to a yes. We were already dreaming about bringing this little one home to be our child.

The next morning I called the Agency and they got me the contact numbers the Social worker working with the Birth mom and we agreed to meet the Birth Mom this past Thursday (yesterday). We met an amazingly strong and courageous woman, and we feel so blessed to have gotten to meet with her and to know her life story a little bit more.

Before the meeting I was so nervous. I asked Jeral in a 15 minute time frame what times is it 10 times. Yeah I just wanted to be on time and make a good impression. Jesus was with us regardless of how the meeting went, yet let me tell you it was amazing.

We have been invited to be at the birth if we can make it there in time. The Social worker will call us as soon as the Birth Mom goes into labor and we will jump in the car and drive the hour and a half to get there. Actually today the Social Worker called us just to let us know that after meeting us the Birth Mom has decided all the more that we are the only family she wants for her little one, and she is super excited about the fact that her little one will have a sibling right away.

Good thing we decided to set our room up with the bassinet by my side of the bed, and a nice big comfy rocking chair in the corner, so we are ready for this little one to come home, and for night time feeds. Jeral is busy painting the nursery, however we will not need it for a while. Both our children will sleep in our room until we feel it is time to go to the nursery!

So there you have it, we will have two little ones soon and very soon. One in our arms, and one in my tummy! If some one would have told me a year ago this was going to be how life would be in a year I would have laughed the way Sarah laughed when God told Abraham Sarah was going to have a child. I am not laughing now, instead I am smiling and crying huge tears of JOY.

Guest Room Renos!

Let the stripping begin! The stripping of the wall paper that is. Just after we found out I was pregnant we decided that we needed to redo one of the guest rooms and the following is a pictorial account of us doing this!

Wall paper gone and Jeral has the carpet ripped out, just the blue underlay left!

Cleaning out the closets. There was a pile of stuff in them and we just needed to get rid of the stuff or box up stuff that was not our and give it back to his parents!

The best view in the house! I love this man very much!!!!

The finished product, with new laminate flooring a queen sized bed (I know the size of the room makes it look like a single bed, however it is a queen bed), and a table at the end of the bed. I love the colors we picked for the walls and the trim. We almost picked the same color for the nursery however we decided to go with some thing else!

A Weekend Away

I got the blessing of going to a Retreat Centre this past weekend, and it was so nice to have that time to sit at the feet of Jesus. Funny thing is that when I got home Jeral said he now understands how I feel when he goes away on long motorcycle trips. He was lonely and missed me so much being here at home by himself. Yeah for revelation! He said no more long motor cycle trips, just short one. I wonder if he will remember that when his uncles keep asking him to go on the trip to the States.

This weekend as I read over and over again the story of Jesus healing the Leper (Matthew 8:1-4), and the story of Jesus healing blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52), I asked Jesus why is it that he healed people differently. I love the idea of being healed by a touch, so why would Jesus not use touch to heal everyone he healed?

Well as I sat reading the stories over and over again. I imagined putting myself in the place of those who were healed, and asked what would I need if I was the leper who came to Jesus or if I was Bartimaeus the blind man. As the leper I would have missed the touch of my friends as I hugged them to greet them, or the familiar touch of my family (man would I ever miss snuggles with Jeral if we would have lived back then). As much as I would need and want physical healing I think I would also want to know that in my state of being "unclean or untouchable" that I was loved enough to be touched, hugged, snuggled with, etc. Jesus did that before he uttered the words "I am willing, be clean," he touched the man. Jesus the son of God, who is God saw what this man needed most and that was to be touched. Healing was the want, the need was to be touched.

As I sat with the story of Bartimaeus and though about what it must have been like to be him. I imagined that through out his whole life as he called out begging to people that more often than not, people would just put money into his cup and slip away, or they would try to quietly get passed him in the hopes that he would not even notice they were there. He did not need the touch that the leper needed. His family and friends would have to touch him to lead him around. What this man needed was to be noticed, and Jesus did just that. Instead of trying to keep walking with the crowds and ignoring Bartimaeus, Jesus stopped and called for Bartimaeus. He talked with Bartimaeus - he let Baritmaeus know that he was worthy of being noticed. Something that probably had not happened for Bartimaeus entire life. His family as much as they loved him, just put him out every day to beg for money to earn his keep and totally strangers as much as some would take pity on him and give him money, I doubt that they ever took the time to stop, notice and talk to Batrimaeus. Jesus took the time to stop, notice, and talk!

So as I sat with Jesus in these stories I realized Jesus come to us and heals us in unique and individual ways, because we are all unique and individual people, whose needs are different. Jesus knows the deepest needs we have. Needs that may be so deep we are unable to see them. Looking back I know I begged Jesus for healing these past three plus years. Healing so I could get pregnant. Instead Jesus say a need for a deeper healing, which did not look like the healing I was asking for. In hindsight I know that I have needed these last three years with Joy, and Marie for reasons that will stay between us. However I am grateful that Jesus saw what I need and chose that path of healing, instead of the one I wanted. Yes I know it is easy for me to say that now because in the end I also got the healing I wanted which I am thankful for.

Well this is long and I need to go clean another room in the house in the hopes that it will stay clean until December 19th when my entire extended family is here!

And a Second Time

Tonight I slipped away from the Silent Retreat that I have been attending, so have one last regular coffee date with my best friend. For the past three and a bit years we have been blessed to see each other every other week. Together we have walked through some very dark and hard times. I have spent time wondering about God's timing, and why the journey down to Abbotsford has to stop now. I know why and that is I am going to have children and driving pregnant on bad roads is not wise. Okay driving on bad roads is not wise period!

Tonight was an evening of crying about the fact that we will miss each other. It is not a good bye in that we have the phone and we will see each other from time to time. It is just not the same. Going from ever other week , to maybe every other month or two. She has walked with me as I have journeyed into the dark and hard places I needed to bring light to in order to heal, and I got the blessing of being a part of her life and the life of her little amazing boy - Josiah. Tonight she blessed me by giving me one of Josiah's first and favorite toys. I remember him and I playing with it at the hospital many times I came to visit. I know Jaris will love playing with it. She also gave me a blanket, and miracle blanket, because just as her son was a miracle - the son I carry is my miracle child!

I wish good byes were not so hard, even if they are not a permanent good bye! Two big good byes in a few days. Oiy! So not fair, and so not fun. Yet the I also know the two amazing journey companions I have said good bye to are not out of my life permanently. Our walking together will just look different, and I will through the tears say thank you to Jesus for the blessing of the amazing times we have had together so far!

Saying Good Bye

I always knew this day would come, and there was a time that I wanted it to come quickly. I remember being a newly wed and sitting in office/room with her and saying "I have been seeing you now for 10 freaking months it is time for me to be done." Well now just over three years have passed and I have made my last official bi-weekly trip to Abbotsford.

The night before I drove down Jesus prepared me for this, however I really did not want to believe that I would stop making trips a whole month before I had planned too! However I know that Jesus knows what is best and if that is how Jesus was leading me he confirmed it with what Joy said to me.

My life has been blessed by her, and apparently this was not a goodbye we are never seeing each other again since they have made it clear they are coming to meet our amazing little miracle once he is born. Blessed once again by that! I think know that she will not completely disappear out of my life all together will help my heart in transitioning from seeing her ever other week to occasionally. How do you say goodbye to someone who has help to shape and mold the person you have become, and who has positively influenced your relationship with God? Good thing I had my lap top with me so I could read to her the goodbye letter I prepared 2 months ago when we thought we were going to adopt a little boy! And I am proud to say I cried while reading the whole thing.

So now I am off to a 3 and a half day Silent Retreat! I know that Jesus and I have a lot to talk about, and maybe I will get to catch up on some sleep while I am there too!

Ultrasound

Our little one looking at us! Okay I know that he probably was not meaning to look at us and yet, it is nice to think he was!

Sucking his cute little thumb, or praying that his mommy would be aloud to go to the washroom
soon so he would have more room to do flips and such!

Just laying there, for brief second, before he started jumping again!

All four of the pictures they gave us! I love looking at these pictures, and getting to listen to his heart beat every day! It is one of the last things I do before I go to bed at night dreaming about my son! He sure is a little cutie pie!!!!!!

BOY oh BOY! Week 19

So it is official we are having a boy!!!!!!! My 19 week ultrasound was today and let me tell you having to drink that much water and not get to pee is not what I call fun, however it was so worth it to see our little prince! The last time we saw him was at 7 weeks and he looked more like a seahorse. This time he looked like a little boy with a face, arms, legs, and of course a penis!

During the ultra sound he gave the technician a run for her money because he would not stop moving around! He did flips, and jumping jacks, and just plain old squirmed around!!!!!!! I think we have a future basketball player on our hands!

We are so stoked to be having a little boy, and we don't even need to buy many clothes for him because my sister is giving me all the clothes that my little nephew has out grown. So sweet! Of course though if I see something adorable I will go and buy it, because that is me. We did buy him so very cute little shoes today and a cute little stuffed turtle!

So sometime in early April Jaris Zachery Krahn will be born and we are over the moon with joy and anticipation. That is all for now!

Well my dear hubby has been sick for the past few days, and his cough seems to be getting worse! We were sleeping in separate rooms to keep me from getting sick, however once his fever broke he came back to our room, however after this last night I am seriously thinking about kicking him out of the room again! His coughing would wake up the best of sleepers, and I am far from being the best of sleepers!!!!!!!!! Oh well seriously I love him very much, and not snuggling and cuddling for the last little while has totally sucked! Needless to say that today he does not get a choice about going to the doctor.

In other news Christmas decorations are well on their way to be all set up. I love decorating especially since everything is color coded! I know I am anal about making sure everything matches! However I love how it looks. When our kids are old enough we will let them set up a tree in the toy room and decorate it however they want to decorate it, as long as mommy still gets to have her three other trees all color coordinated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

This is how crazy I get with things matching. When we first found out I was pregnant I crocheted 3 blankets for our baby. Two for a girl and one for a boy. However a few days ago I realized that they would not match with the color that we are painting the nursery, so I went out and bought fabric and hand stitched a baby blanket to match the nursery, and I am in the process of hand sewing another one. I know using my sewing machine would be much quicker however it if I did it that way I would be done quicker and then be looking for other things to keep me occupied. Oiy!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I could just clean the house all the time, however that is no fun.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound, and I am very much looking forward to that! I have been feeling him or her move, however now I am looking forward to seeing him or her looking like a baby. We have a picture from my 7 week ultrasound, however he or she looks like a seahorse in that one. So bring on the star of the baby pictures with this ultra sound!!!!!!

Week 18

Week 18 - so not too much new going on. I am feeling a little more movement I think, however it could also be gas!!!!! :) The baby is more active in the evening and at night. I am enjoying having the doppler to listen to his or her heart beat whenever I want to. Having this luxury is a blessing and helps put my mind a little bit at rest. I am looking forward to my ultra-sound on Tuesday when we get to see our little one!

My tummy is growing every week! It is interesting and challenging to watch my tummy grow larger when I worked so hard to get it smaller. However I worked so hard so I might be able to to get pregnant some day! Go figure!

Jeral and I went to Abbotsford this past week on Tuesday. We were looking forward to hanging out with Jeral's sister and her family for the evening in Vancouver. We had a great supper and then played a few rounds of dutch blitz. Then we headed into Abbotsford for the night. We stayed at the same hotel we normally stay at when we are there. We were looking forward to a night relaxing evening together, however Jeral got sick so we had a quiet night with lots of orange juice and halls etc. The next day the plan was Jeral was going to come with me to one of my 2 sessions however in the end he came to both. It was good to just talk through some things with someone we both trust and respect. I only have three more trips down there and then I am done with therapy for now. I try not to think about it too much however, it is hard not too!

Now we are home and I get to take care of my baby (hubby), when he lets me. Right now he is out doing chores on the farm. I personally think he needs to be curled up in bed with a book and a cup of tea, or he can sit and watch "A BABY STORY" with me.

That is it for now!

Week 17

Hmmm - what has week 17 brought! Well our playpen has arrived for our little Joy Bug!!! I love getting all this new stuff. We also decided to by a Doppler for at home from a place called Tummy Tickles. We actually could have rented one from them, however we would have spent just as much money renting one as we did with buying the one we bought. So the one we bought came in the mail yesterday. I was not too sure if it would work, however it works. I am so excited to get to hear the babies heart beat whenever I want to now. Last night as Jeral and I were going to bed he asked if I was going to listen to the heart beat before going to bed. Really he just wanted to hear again. So we listened to the most amazing sound in the world one last time before drifting off to sleep.

Jeral is almost finished with the reno's to the new guest room and then we will begin painting the nursery sometime in November, and get things set up in there! The guest room seriously looks awesome. Once it is complete I will post pictures of the before and after!

I have begun to gradually set up things for Christmas! Well for now just the nativity sets. I am thinking I will get the trees up in one room sometime this week. I love decorating for Christmas!

Life is good - not perfect, however it is good. And we feel very blessed!

Rambling

Just some ramblings today! This weekend Jeral set up our new entertainment unit, and our new leather ottoman that also functions as a coffee table. Love it, love it, love it! And the TV was delivered yesterday, as well as the new satellite dish got set up. So that meant we could watch Monday Night Football on the new TV. So fun! I will post pictures of how everything looks once the new chair comes in and we have it here.

Jeral is also finishing off the reno's to the new guest room upstairs. The room looks amazing and i am stoked for the finished product. I will also post before and after pictures once it is complete. With a baby on the way we decided to move Jeral's office out of the room next to our bedroom, so we can put the nursery in the room closest to ours. The reality is that for the first little while we will not need the nursery as the plan is to have the baby sleep in our room in a bassinet/play pen.

So I am an all or nothing kind of personality. Basically I am all in or I am out. If I am going to do something I go big or I go home. Actually back in my camp days whenever anyone would build the campfire instead of me, the comment would be made to them "Go big or go home!" Because I always went big. Well as much as that used to be fun to say, I am realizing that often this mentality holds me back. When I set out to do something it is all or nothing, and yet sometimes the reality is that there are many little steps along the way that I could accomplish, and see as achievements if I was able to get past the all or nothing mentality. Yet I often miss out on the accomplishments in between because I see it as a failure for me personally if I do not reach the ultimate goal right away, the first time. Jesus lovingly and gently pointed this out to me yesterday. I had been wanting to reach the big goal right now right away, and when I did not accomplish that I got ticked with myself. I was unable to see that actually what we had accomplished was pretty amazing, despite it not being my big all or nothing goal. If that makes sense. Anyways this is just my rambling for today. I have a lot of work and practice at being patient as I begin to choose to look at all the small steps that are pretty amazing in their own right! It will take time to change a mentality that has been so ingrained for 30 years. However it is worth it so I do not pass this on to my children!

Pictures Of New Stuff

This is the wardrobe that Jeral's dad is building for the nursery. We changed the dimensions a little bit to give more hanging room, so the wardrobe will be a good amount wider than in this picture!

So after spend the last few days going to various stores and checking out their prices we bought a LG 42" LDC HDTV. We are stoked to watch Football on this lovely new addition to our home!

This is will be wonderful to rock our little one to sleep with, or to breast feed him or her during the day. We have decided to put a different rocker in the nursery so this one can stay down stairs for day time use! Love it!

New ottoman that will double as a coffee table. After watching our God-Daughters we realized that a softer coffee table would prevent a few injuries to our little one!

The new entertainment unit! We got it at a great discount because we took the floor model! I love the look of this one. Not to big, just the right size for our living room, and all the cords can be kept hidden behind the unit! Seriously I love spending money!

I also love nesting and making our home even more our home. Until this past March we still had a lot of Jeral's parents stuff in our home, so when they took their stuff we sort of got an idea of what we had to work with. It took a long time for our house to feel like it was my home. I guess that is the down fall of moving into the home that was once your in laws home. However I am blessed to have the home we have, and I am enjoying every moment of making this house our home!

Week 16

So week 16 - We had another prenatal visit yesterday and we got to hear the babies heart beat again. I seriously do not think I will ever tire of hearing that amazing sound. Did you know that by 16 weeks gestation the baby can recognize the voices of mommy and daddy! For the past couple of days Jeral has spent time talking to my the baby. I must admit it is a little strange having Jeral talk to my tummy and yet I also love listening to his soft, gentle voice talk to our little Joy Bug.

I feel as though every day my amazing and glorious tummy is getting larger and larger. For once I have an excuse to have a large and glorious tummy. Not that I need and excuse to love my tummy, is is just nice having a baby in there. I also have other body parts getting larger! However for the possible male population I will refrain from naming those body parts!

As I was driving home for my bi-weekly trip to Abbotsford I felt convicted that I had reneged on my agreement with Jeral that after our 12 week visit if everything went well then we could spend some of the adoption money on some new furniture for the house and a new TV. So when I got home I told Jeral that if he still wanted to go a head and get some things that after the 16 check up then we could go and look at stuff and even purchase it. So that is what we did today. We bought and entertainment unit for the new TV. I absolutely love the entertainment unit and was stoked when we got it for $500 off if we took the floor model. We also got a leather ottoman that will double as coffee table with the flip over lids. This way our little Joy Bug will not crank or crack open his or her head on the coffee table. We also bought a lovely big comfy rocking recliner.

I will post pictures of the new purchases later!

Baby Stuff

So this is the playpen that Jeral and I have been looking at buying so imagine our delight when we took a look at the airmiles rewards site tonight and found that in the past four weeks they have added this as something we could get with our airmiles! So we ordered it tonight!

The plan is that for the first few months our little one will sleep in the playpen in our room.

So this is the change table that matches the crib. We ordered it with our airmiles once again 3 and a half weeks ago. So far it still has not been shipped to us. If it is not here in the next few days we will be emailing to find out what is going on!


And this is the lovely crib that we ordered and it is sitting in our exercise room waiting for us to get the nursery done so we can put it up!

Sorry guys that for the most part my blogging pertains to our little "Joy Bug", however he or she is a huge part of our journey and lives right now!

Week 15

I am just enjoying the life of no more morning sickness! I still have food aversions, however at least I am able to eat more healthy than I was able to in the first trimester. We are chicken farmers and well the worst possible food to put in front of me would have to be chicken, oh well our groceries will cost us a little more as we will have to buy other meat for a bit here!

I am still sleeping a lot, however for the most part I try not to have an afternoon nap, so I will sleep longer at night before my bladder wakes me up screaming LET ME PEE!!!!!!!!!!

I also am still enjoying the little flutters that I am feeling, and still loving that right now I am the only one who gets to experience the baby moving a bit. Jeral still has a few weeks to go before he will get to feel the baby moving!

I love pretty much getting back massages when ever I want them. Actually I probably could have been asking for them when ever I wanted them before however I didn't, so now I am making up for lost time!

This afternoon we get to hang out with our amazing God-Daughters. Something we both look forward to so very much. They are the reason that not being able to have children for as long as we waited, was manageable. And with the birth of our little one we know that he or she will have amazing older kids to play with, because those little girls are so amazing!

Grandpa

As I sit here today I am thinking about my grandpa. Tomorrow is his memorial, so we will be leaving here in early in the morning to get there on time.

Just after we got the call saying he had passed away, I sat down and spent some time remembering things about grandpa. You might be surprised to hear that he was the first person that ever taught me it was possible to love someone who was not "biologically" related to you. So in many ways my relationship with grandpa lay the ground work for me to one day be prepared to adopt children of my own. I was my grandpa's grand daughter despite no biological connection. I seriously was his favorite! Anything I wanted I got. I remember once his my cousin Michelle (biological grand-daughter) was coming to visit and grandpa had bought her some gifts. Now first off never show a 4 year old what you have bought another grandchild, however for some reason grandpa did show me, and I said I liked it and wanted it, so I got! Grandpa went out and bought other stuff for Michelle.

Anyways tomorrow will be a hard day emotionally. I am very hormonal on top of that, so bring on the Kleenex box. Last as Jeral and I lay in bed we were talking about which had happened more since we got married weddings, or funerals? The count for weddings we have have attended since we got married is 3, the deaths/funerals is 8 and of those 8 deaths 6 have been in the last year, and in the past 3 months we have had 4 loved ones pass away. So much death, too much death. Yet we have the amazing hope of eternal life after we are done in this world, thanks to Jesus! On the upside now I have all of my grandparents up there telling Jesus to make sure my baby stays safely inside until April when he or she is born!!!!!!!

Well I have stuff to do yet today! So bye for now!

Week 14

Week 14 has been a good week pregnancy wise! I am definitely feeling better every day. Still tired and yet that is life, and I will glad take the rest when I can get it.

One thing is that I can no longer sleep on my back, or left side. Which were the two positions I generally slept in. When I do try to sleep that way my left leg goes numb on me. So now I am having to sleep on my right side which I am finding hard. In part because I like sleeping facing the door so then i have to be on my left side. With sleeping on my right side I am facing the window. Oh well as Joy said, "Leanne how else would you grow unless you were presented with these opportunities to grow, and learn you are able to sleep with your back to the door and still be safe!"

Today I have an appointment at the Diabetes Center. I am going to not have to keep a daily food journal anymore at this point. If my blood sugar levels go crazy then I will start keeping a food log, or if I keep loosing weight then I will keep a food log again to make sure I am taking in enough for me and baby. However right now sitting down and recording every meal and every snack is getting tiresome!

In other news - I got a phone call early this morning from my Aunt Cindy telling me that early this morning my grandpa passed away. Yesterday he was in town when he fell and broke his hip. He was taken to the hospital in Oliver for the night and then today he was supposed to go to Penticton for surgery, however at 4 am he passed away. The last time we saw him was at the end of July when I told him I was pregnant. I had hoped he would live long enough to meet his great grandchild. We knew eventually he would die because he has been fighting cancer for the past 15 years, however our hope was that he would hold on long enough to meet our little "Joy Bug" in person. When I told him I was pregnant he made me promise I would bring the baby down so he could hold him or her, and I promised I would. Also while we were visiting with them, my grandpa gave me my grandma's wedding rings. My Aunt Cindy has one of the wedding bands and I have the wedding set.

In all honesty I am tired of death. I know that death is a part of living here on the earth, and yet in the past 3 months we have had mourned the loss of three important people to us. Oh well I need to get ready to go to Vernon!

Hope and Grief

Nothing to spectacular, just a finger painting of our amazing hope in the midst of our grief! Over the course of our adoption journey we have had two possible children, and yet for various reason both have not ended up with us, and yet with all of this going on we have the amazing blessing of our little "Joy Bug"!

By the way finger painting is totally the best! I love how it is messy. Your hands get covered in paint, you feel it mushing between your fingers. Sometimes you forget that your hands are covered in it and you touch your hair or face and oops, paint all over! I think it is metaphoric or our lives and the the healing process, or the grieving process. It is not all neat and tidy. It is messy at times!

Week 13

Well week thirteen has brought some blessings my way. Number one it appears that the yucks as I call them have finally passed! Yeah for that. When I was talking to my sister and told her that she respond with a "You Cow!" She was joking around, however she was sick all nine months of her pregnancy. I reminded her she is built more like mom and the Pauls' side of the family, while I am built more like our dad's side of the family. Thus I may not be a sick as her and our mother were! So nice.

Number 2 is that I am starting to sleep better through the night! Yeah for that, after not sleeping well for the past three months! The past five nights have been wonderful, so I intend to get as much sleep as I am able to now, because I hear that the last trimester it is hard to sleep again.

Number 3 - I have started to feel the flutters of the baby moving around! So amazing and wonderful. I love how when the morning sickness ends which is a sign that the pregnancy is still there, the flutters start so I know our baby is still there growing everyday! I also love that while it is still weeks away before Jeral will actually get to feel the baby moving I get to savor and cherish the times our "Joy Bug" moves around just between baby and me! So wonderful! I am looking forward to our little one kicking me and Jeral being able to feel it also!

We also ordered the crib and change table for our little one last week, and we should be getting them late this week or early next week! We are looking forward to getting the nursery all set up!

A Journey Over With

I will keep this short. Today we found out that the little boy we were hoping to adopt was placed with another family yesterday. I can only imagine the joy that the family is feeling right now. So the adoption phase of our journey is coming to an end. We asked to have our file deactivated. We could have waited another week or two, however we know that we (mostly hormonal me) do not want our hearts torn in half again if by some fluke a birth mom in the next week or two were to pick us.

It is strange thinking that the adoption phase of this journey is over for us. Especially thinking that we thought for sure that was how God was going to grow our family. That maybe the path we take in the future, however for now our path will be taking a different route. A route that we thought we would never have the blessing of experiencing, and for that we are grateful.

So to the little boy we will never meet - we are sad that we do not get to be your parents, and yet we are happy that you have been given wonderful parents to love you and raise you.

Little "Joy Bug" - daddy and I (mommy) are so thankful that Jesus blessed our lives with you and we look forward to the day you get to meet us! We love you more than life!

No Need to Perform

Matthew 6: 6 "Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just BE THERE as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace." (Message)

I was reading this this morning, and realized this is why I love my quiet times alone with Jesus so much. I don't need to or feel the pressure to "perform" or be the "perfect" Christian woman when it is just me and and my Heavenly Papa! I can just be. I can be sobbing my eyes out and it doesn't matter. I can be mad and Jesus is like "bring it on I can handle it!" I can be quiet because I don't have any words or energy left to speak, and that is fine too. I can just be.

Sometimes to find a quiet secluded place is hard to do. I am a stay at home wife/mom (soon), and right now I am able to find my quiet places. When I was working at the church or working at the school sometimes I just needed that quiet time if even for a minute with Jesus, yet finding it was so hard. Well at least in the physical sense. Maybe the quiet secluded place needs to be a place with us that we can go to with Jesus, to be quiet if even for a moment and just be. In that safe and quiet place if even for a moment there is no need to perform, no need to get it right, or be the star of the show. Only a desire to be with the One who loves me more than I will ever know! Something to think about at least. Not sure how to get there yet, however I will sit and be with Jesus trusting there will be no pressure to figure it all out!

Week 12

Well this past week and a a bit has been filled with lots of waiting and anticipation. We got a phone call saying we were selected by a birth mom, who gave birth to a little baby boy on September 13th. Then we got a phone call say she was looking at us and two other couples, and today we got a phone call saying that while things are still not decided it looks like the birth mom will be choosing the other family. My being pregnant from the sounds of things is what swung the pendulum in favor of the other family. Things are still not totally decided however it is looking like they will be choosing the other family. As crazy as this sounds we are sad over this news. We really wanted this little boy. I have to keep reminding myself that the other couple does not have the miracle growing inside of them that we do, however the lose and heartache of not getting this little boy is still very real. This adoption journey has been crazy with many twists and turns, and will soon come to an end for now. And with that I will being seeing my counselor at least until the middle of December depending on the roads. And maybe now I can get back to focusing on the homework I have struggled to do for the past 2 weeks.

On a more positive note - I had my 12 week check up today with my OBGYN and after a scare of not being able to hear the babies heart beat at first, and then my having to have an internal exam to check the sized of my uterus, the Dr. realized he was checking to low because I was carrying higher. So the second time round he got the heart beat - a strong healthy heart beat of 160 beats a minute! Yeah for that. I think today would have killed me if we would have not been able to hear the heart beat and then got the news that the birth mom was most likely not picking us.

So with that being said we are going to start getting the nursery ready and ordering the crib and things we want for our little "Joy Bug's" room! I am looking forward to finding out the sex in 7 weeks so I can go crazy with buy cute little outfits and so on!

That is the update for now!

Waiting

Why is it that almost all of life feels like a continuous wait? As children we can't wait to go to school (okay I was one of those who loved school), however as school goes on we cannot wait for summer break to come. Then as we get older we cannot wait to graduate and get out of wherever we are and go off to a job, or college. Just something new! Then we wait for the day we meet the one we will fall in love with. Then we wait and look forward to the day we marry that person. The you wait to start a family until the time and is right, and even after you think the time is right you may still have to wait. Then for us we choose to start the adoption process and that was all on big wait and still is, and even getting pregnant is waiting because you wait 40 weeks for the little one to grow inside of you before you meet him or her. Life today feels like on big WAIT. So wait I will and in the mean time I will try to live life instead of just sitting around waiting!

Week 11

So week 11 has come and we have had some scares! I was spotting really badly again on Monday, and wishing I was a woman who did not spot. Still no cramping so we choose not to go to the emergency. I am struggling with just letting go and trusting God with my heart and deepest desire.

On the upside, man alive do I still feel sick, and that is a good sign. I just have to keep trusting and keep falling into the arms of God. With this little one!

In a week I have my 12 week check up (well actually 12 and a half weeks). If all goes well and we hear the babies heart beat then we will buy the crib and other things for the nursery that we will need. I might even go get a bag of diapers just for the fun of it. Oh the joys and exciting times of waiting to be parents, and waiting we are.

In other news - hmmm I am trying to think of other news! Actually I may have some however that is top secret so that will have to wait! I know now I have you wondering. Well just keep wondering.

Week 10

So I am ten weeks and 4 days now! So crazy, I remember when we first got pregnant that I thought it would be a miracle for the baby to make it this far. That is in part to my fear that everything good gets taken away - a ball of yarn I am constantly and very much so working and sitting with Jesus to give up.

What has this week brought. Well since my blood sugar levels were so good yesterday when I showed them everything I get to stop sticking myself 4 times a day, and only have to do it once a day. Yeah for that, now my fingers are not so much of a pin cushion.

I was down in Abbotsford this week and wow I was emotionally drained of everything by the time I was done. I also had an issue with my car. I killed the battery. Chalk that up to pregnancy brain. I am blessed to have good friends down there who came and picked me up to drive me to my session with Joy, and then after walking back to their place drove me to my car where we jumped it and I was able to drive home.

I got to spend sometime with one of my closest friends in the whole wide world. She lost her son a little over a month ago, and we cried. I miss my nephew, so I can only imagine how much they miss their son.

I ended up sobbing my eyes out in the arms of my therapist, and truthfully I cannot blame the tears on my hormones as much as I wish I could, I know that on that day the tears had nothing to do with hormones. I have started contemplating what life is going to look like once I stop see her in December and I am not sure if I am ready for this step. However I know God will direct and guide, and truthfully I have been taught so much by her that I know I will make it. It is just scary thinking that someone who has meant so much to me, to my marriage, and even to my baby (he or she does not know that yet) will not be a constant part of my life. Oh well God knows!

I have a sore throat. I am pretty sure that is due to the lack of sleep I am getting right now and to the emotionally draining week. However, little "Joy Bug" is safely tucked away in mommy and growing every day so that is something to be thankful for and to give praise to God for.

Well I think that is enough of an update for now. I need to figure out what to make my amazing hubby for supper! Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yarn

I have been pondering why I have such a hard time letting go of things. I am the type of person who will hold onto to something for dear life, even when I know letting go is what I need to do. I even will delude myself into thinking that I have control over something that I really do not have any control over at all.

Often we are told to give it to God; give our worries, frustrations, fears, hopes, dreams, desires etc., to God. Yet it is so hard to do this especially with those hopes and dreams I feel are centre of my heart. In a moment of honesty here I used to be afraid to pray and ask God to grant me my deepest desires, because I would wondering if there was something deeper that God could see than my desire to be a mom. And if that was the case then the desire to be a mom would maybe not be granted so a deeper yet unknown desire would be what God fulfilled. Crazy I know, and yet that is how I would often think. Good thing God knows I think that way, and sees right to the heart of my fears. Yet I am left with the question as to how do I actually let go and give to God what is actually already his.

I have come to realize that I often go to God with what ever it is I want to had over, and well the way I had it over is like this. Say a ball of yarn represents what I am asking God to take, or what I am giving to God. So once I have given God that ball of yarn I walk away thinking yes, I gave this over to God. However if you were to look in my hand as I walk away I still have the end of the yarn in my hand, and the ball of yarn is slowly unraveling as I walk away from God. I have not been able to fully let go. That is the problem for me. I give God what ever is on my mind/heart (in the Bible the heart and mind are linked, not separated), and yet I walk away so quickly that I am still holding on to a part of it.

Here is the big problem with this. When I keep walking away with the ends of the yarns eventually they all get tangled and a big mess is made. The solution - still talking with God about this, however I believe the solution is to give God the ball of yarn, and then stay and sit in the presence of my Heavenly Father, so that as I spend more time with Him, getting to know him on and ever deeper level, I will be able to not just hand over the ball of yarn. I will also be able to hand over the end I am clinging to. Not sure if this makes sense to you. Just the ramblings, and ponderings of a women on and journey with God!

Poking My Self

So even though I do not have gestational diabetes the nurses and doctors have decided to be proactive and I will be poking my self 4 times a day for the next 30 weeks. If I can stay on top of things then they will agree to let me drop that number down to 2 times a day.

As much as I could complain about the inconvenience I feel very blessed to have such an amazing medical team surrounding me for this pregnancy. We started off at an amazing Fertility Clinic and now we have transitioned to an amazing team of medical health care professionals.

The one thing I will complain about it the fact that I do not think I will be able to eat everything they want me to for now however I will endeavor to do so and hope for the best. I am now keeping a food journal so that the nurses and dietitians can make sure that I am eating properly to keep my blood sugars for getting to high. Not the calorie counting kind of food journal just making sure I am getting all the right amounts of each food group. So me wanting to do a bang up job of this has a lovely chart already made on my computer and I will keep track of everything on my lap top.

Anyways I want to get back to the football game! Blessings and hugs!

Leanne

Week 9

So I am now a little over 9 weeks along! Yeah for that. I had my blood work done last week! They took 8 viles of blood! Oiy! However I was promised that next time it would be less. My Dr. is just trying to stay on top of things and make sure that certain complications due to my having PCOS do not happen!

Tomorrow morning bright and early I have an appointment with the local Diabetes Center. It is not normal to send a woman there unless she already has gestational diabetes, however as I said before my Dr. is trying to stay on top of things and prevent things from happening that could happen. My appointment is super early in the morning, and well I have not been up all that early lately so tomorrow could be trying for me. I might have Jeral drive me we will see!

Jeral and I are looking forward to this next month being a lot slower. August was crazy, and we really have not had time to just let all that has happened sink in. I am looking forward to having sometime to just relax and journal more intentionally, about life, about being pregnant, and about learning to trust in every sense of the word. First though I will rest up as I am really tired a lot these days. I seriously do not remember being this tired ever! Even after my surgery last year. Crazy that was a year ago, and the end result is that I am pregnant, and so very tired a year later! I love the way things work out.

Sunday went really, really well. I was speaking at my church. I had a garbage pail handy just in case baby really decided to give mommy a run for her money, however I was fine. I ended up chewing gum, which I know is not proper public speaking manners, however a lady has got to do what a lady has got to do. I felt very blessed afterwards. I still have much to work through with Jesus in this area especially of feelings of being unworthy due to things that happened 4 years ago in our church. However God is gracious and bringing me through and reminding me that ultimately man's opinion is not the opinion that matters. The opinion that matters is God's!